09.30.09 DON’T YOU EYEBALL F ME, VAMPIRE
Twilight Saga: New Moon just released three new posters, and the clear winner is awkward eye contact. The posters feature the Cullens, Dakota Fanning’s Volturi (GRR, VAMPIRE POLICE!), and those greasy ethnic werewolves who specialize in shapeshifting and tempting white women, respectively. But in each case, their direct gaze seems to say, “I desperately want to eyeball f’ck you, but you’ll have to settle for eye-blowjobs until we’re married. It’s much sexier this way, no?”
Meanwhile, the creeper award goes to the guy in the top right corner of the Cullen poster. Jesus he’s scary. It looks like he’s been taking acting lessons from the Fame kid. Make love to the camera! Yes! Yes! Now, put your jazz hands down its pants!
[via Yahoo]
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/googleneverliescopy-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/newmoon-stewart-lautner-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/aliceinwonderland-triptych-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/keanureeves-150x150.jpg)
There are 38 comments about:
DON’T YOU EYEBALL F ME, VAMPIRE
Edward will brown eye fuck you so you may remain pure.
Brock Lesnar would “ground and pound” the ghey outta Cullen there!
…
GRRR…REAR-NAKED SLASH FANFIC!!!
NOT PICTURED: the mirror and the boombox playing “Goodbye Horses”
That’s his ‘come hither’ look. If you do come hither, you’ll see his ‘holy shit, now what do I do’ look.
He calls that look Boo Steel.
BANNER PIC
A poster for the new Twilight movie OR a screen shot from the queerest orgy ever filmed.
That guy looks like Andy Dick after you tell him there’s no more cocaine in the whole world.
That Edward dude’s head gets more misshapen every time I see it. It looks like it’s just gonna explode one of these days. OH OH OH, metaphor!
Bedwomb eyes.
(Prominent vampire’s react to Twilight promotion)
Dracula: Guys…I mean…what the fuck?
Blade: Yeah. I gotta agree with Vlad there. I would stab you with my sword but you’d probably want me to stick in your ass.
Lestat: Dude. You guys make me look like Harrison fucking Ford for Christ sake.
Sesame Street Count: 1…2…3…4…twinks! Hahaha!!
Oh baby, don’t blink, don’t you dare blink, I’m almost there
Go on, try to keep me from lunch at the bath house now.
Sure, we all enjoy poking fun, but let me read from the Book of Rice: “Let he who is without pigment cast the first clove…”
We can rest easy folks. The only things these vampires bite are pillows.
Menudo looks great.
Unlike his fangs, Edward’s eyes are very piercing.
Yeah, weird eyes over there, but what about racing stripe highlight guy in the very back? I’m guessing he was late to the shoot due to lame.
Dakota’s career has already gone South.
When did the concept of a vampire government come about? Was it Rice that started that shit?
30 Days of Night is the kind of vamps I want. Evil and bloodthirsty with no pity or remorse. Not this Harlequin Romance crap, and not even the Highlander-esque versions in True Blood. (although I reserve the right to continue enjoying the copious amounts of nudity in TB)
*Throws on Oakley CondomFrames*
Well, that look is very… polarizing.
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
I haven’t been looked at like this since I was stripped searched in jail.
Dakota Fanning has eyeliner! Evil! and Judicious!
Angelo Mendoza should take some PCP and have at this poster.
The only thing comparable to the amount of white and suck in this picture is Whiteout.
And your Mom, Miz.
I cant help it, I have yourmomitis.
I’m just glad that bleached assholes aren’t just for the porn industry anymore.
Comment on this post:
You must be logged in to post a comment. Not yet a member, register for free.