MOTION CAPTURE STILL LOOKS STUPID
09.14.09
Does anyone actually like motion-capture besides Robert Zemeckis?
After the jump you can watch the first full trailer for his A Christmas Carol starring digital Jim Carrey. The 3-D, motion-capture-animated adaptation of the Dickens’ tale beautifully combines two technological innovations that I hate. I’ve said it before, but look, if you want to animate something, just draw the damned thing. (and if you want to put a fleshlight in someone’s hand, use Photoshop). Motion-capture still doesn’t look as good as photography, and none of the “nifty” effects are as cool as real-world special effects like costumes and pyrotechnics. And you know how in real life you can see people’s pupils expand and contract as they focus on stuff and adjust to light? They don’t seem to do that in motion-capture, and it makes people look… well, sorta weird. Which we might be able to accept if there were… you know, any actual benefit to motion capture. I don’t want to sit through this technology’s growing pains any more than I would’ve wanted to be the first guy to get a heart transplant. “Did it work?” “Nah, he’s dead. Maybe next time we should try filling him with baboon blood first, I just have a hunch.”

God Damn it, everyone.
True, story. I still hate Roger Ebert to this day for 4-starring The Polar Express, thus, influencing me to see it with my kids.
Like snowflakes, no two Jim Carrey bombs are ever the same.
True, story. I still hate myself for following the opinion of Roger Ebert, thus, influencing me to see The Polar Express with my kids.
You may be wondering why there is a comma after “true” in the above comments. Fuck yourself.
The good news is that they’re doing this with such a used story that you can completely skip this bullshit and miss nothing.
I’ll stick with The Muppet Christmas Carol, thank you very much.
What no money pit? No luck dime? No Beagal Boys? No Gizmo Duck. Screw this shit.
The Mighty Feklahr presumes that the Ghost of Christmas Past will be Ray Finkle, Present will be Jenny McCarthy, and Future will be Brett Ratner.
The only way it could be better is if Ron Jeremy is Bob “Crotch-ett”!
All that bouncing around and the old bastard doesn’t break a hip? Not very realistic, is it… tsk, tsk…
“I’ll stick with The Muppet Christmas Carol, thank you very much.”
And if anyone is interested in seeing Jim Carrey acting as Ewan McGregor’s muppet, make sure to catch the outtakes of “i love you philip morris”
All these motion capture films come out around wintertime. I’m starting to think that Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder isn’t caused by lack of sunlight, but by mo-cap.
(Carrey exits theater showing premier)
Carrey: Do Not…Go In There! Wheeeew!!!
We have the Greeks to blame for this. They referred to their stage act’s use of the ‘comedy’ and ‘tragedy’ masks as ‘Emotion Capture.’
BANNER PIC:
Someone just showed Jesus the whole Kanye, Taylor Swift incident.
Motion capture animation is so goddamn creepy, I’m surprised the Japanese didn’t come up with it first.
Motion capture animation is so goddamn creepy, I’m surprised the Japanese didn’t come up with it first.
That’s because they’ve been busy perfecting animating realistic-looking animated boob bounces.
(BTK, have a question not related to realistic-looking animated boob bounces for you, Patty. Email me at Filmdrunkards@hotmail.com)
[banner pic]
The Burger King’s O-Face.