MATTHEW LILLARD IS DOING GREAT
09.21.09
From Larry Cohen, writer of Cellular and Phone Booth, comes Messages Deleted, starring Matthew Lillard. Said Cohen,”I F’CKING LOVE PHONES,” when reached for comment. You don’t need to watch the whole trailer, just be sure to fast forward to the 39-second mark for the cherry on the money shot, delivered by way of dialogue:
“These random killings just don’t make sense!”
In conclusion, this movie looks hilarious.
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I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie 16 other times before.
I hear Cohen was raped by one of those old school Zach Morris cell phones when he was a child.
Sidenote: I giggle every time I see serious cat. Seriously (bazing…).
The tags for this post are “Matthew Lillard, Message Deleted” which are the words I see whenever he emails me asking to borrow money.
I prefer my killings to have a plot.
He should have to die in every movie as penance for being in Wing Commander.
Larry Cohen locks his car doors when he’s driving through a neighborhood where he’s seen a Blackberry.
He was in Hackers which is one of my favorite movies of all times (seriously!) so he gets a pass for all the other horrid trash he’s been in.
Oh and if you dare make fun of Hackers, I will David Lynch you.
At least he’s not still banging Carol Burnett in a very special episode of Law & Order.
Larry Cohen has a van full of messenger pigeons so he can text his friends.
They’re trashing his career! They’re trashing! TRASHING!
Oh and if you dare make fun of Hackers, I will David Lynch you.
I love hackers as much as the next guy, especially the parts with Penn Gillette. But, I get Paul Simon’s ‘Kodachrome’ in my head every time Lord Nikon is on screen.
Little known* fact: Gary Busey was the inspiration for the hacker name “Crash Override”.
*(untrue)
I knew bopa and donk were my soulmates. That just proved it.
Larry Cohen thinks that a Southwestern Bell is a medieval torture device.
If Larry Cohen wants to know if you are happy with your long distance carrier… be polite.
True story, Jirish: I own a couple of very old t-shirts with the schematics for a red box and a blue box on them, respectively.
Larry Cohen thinks using a Palm Pilot means masturbating.
Larry Cohen thinks it’s shameful that Wes Anderson directed a movie via email, when he easily could have done it over the phone.
the call is coming… from inside the house…
Don’t be frightened, Matthew Lillard is probably renting your basement.
Larry Cohen is kind of a dick about his anytime minutes.
Larry Cohen thinks the translation of his last name is “companion of a female chicken”.
Larry Cohen’s computer’s search history just has one site: 2cans1string.com
Larry Cohen thinks dialing *69 is a naughty act.
So robo… What’s your address and the code to your security system? I’m not a rapist, but I require your shirts. Well, not convicted anyway.
If you try to screen Larry Cohen’s calls, he’ll kick open your front door and yell, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, BITCH?”
Larry Cohen is making an iPhone app out of the movie WarGames, and then making a movie out of it.
Larry Cohen says you can call him anything except collect.
Larry Cohen thinks AT&T should use a 3PG-13 network instead.
You can make your own phreaking shirts, Jirish, *ahem* FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
Larry Cohen wrote an alternate ending to ‘E.T.’ in which the adorable alien is strangled by a phone cord.
Larry Cohen is trying to buy a Sports Illustrated football cell phone.
Larry Cohen thinks getting to “3rd base” is using a rotary phone.
Larry Cohen is making a horror movie out of the Tommy Tutone hit, 867-5309.
Larry Cohen gets blue balls if you prank call him.
Larry Cohen’s wife no longer looks forward to “toy night”.
Larry Cohen has ELO’s “Telephone Line” as a ringtone.
Larry Cohen swallowed a walkie-talkie and waited a few hours so he could talk out of his ass.
Larry Cohen always makes sure you hang up first.
Larry Cohen doesn’t actually know how to use a cell phone. He just clicks the top of it and yells, “Operator, get me Klondike 85-320!” until somebody dials it for him.
Larry Cohen’s ringback tone is a busy signal.
Larry Cohen tripped over a cordless phone.
Larry Cohen’s choice of soap brand is Dial.
I tried to make my own shirts with permanent markers but I always ended up drawing boobies on them. This was uncomplimentary to my physique when I tried them on.
Thanks, Vince, Matthias Lilleg is doing pretty well, and golly, I appreciate you saying so!
*rereads title*
…
The Mighty Feklahr will be detonating your
sonsun shortly, you filthy Romulan coddling baktag forshak-lapping yIntagh.Hitting redial doesn’t really work for Larry. It just leaves one of his testicles badly bruised.
Fek, was that a yiddish burn or alien language burn?
Jirish, you don’t address Him, you wait until He addresses you.
Larry Cohen’s next movie will be an action flick titled Batphone.
Crap. I’m no good at all of this High Society stuff :(.
Larry Cohen is buying a DeLorean so he can go back to the year 1990 and sue the crap out of MovieFone.
If Matthew Lillard’s character just happens to be the killer *rolls eyes* then the suit who got to greenlight this will be head of the studio in three years. Two if it’s Lillard’s identical twin.
Larry Cohen calls masturbating “Answering the bone-a-phone”
Of course, that’s what he calls fishing too, so whatever.
Actually, he calls fishing “hunting for fish”.
Larry Cohen slams the phone down and yells “COWABUNGA!” when he ejaculates.
Larry Cohen’s favorite book is Catcher in the Rye because of all the phonies.
*moonwalks into corner*
Larry Cohen loves phone sex but the downside is he can’t use the phone again after he cums in the earpiece.
This movie about random killings doesn’t make any cents.
Yeah, yeah. We get it okay? You wanna be taken seriously, Shaggy. But seriously, where the f is Scooby you sick son of a bitch?
forget hackers, he was on slc punk, 666ing it!