LE SIGH
09.24.09
(“I shoot pistol first, ping pong ball rater”)
The more time you spend writing about movies, the more you wonder if the people who make them ever actually watch them. The latest graphic novel to spawn an adaptation is Platinum Studios’ ‘Mal Chance’, but you can just call it Wanted: The Squeakwel.
“Mal Chance” tells the story of Lola, part of an ancient clan of assassins targeted for death by a powerful gangster. Her only recourse is to bring down the gangster’s entire operation with the help of an honest FBI agent who is unaware of her true identity.
Please hold for asinine PR quote… *click, static, fax machine sound*
“Mal Chance” is a “wonderfully visual world steeped with contemporary and complex characters, all playing on the edge of life and death decisions,” [producer Tony] Krantz said. [Variety]
World… steeped with. Playing on the edge… of decisions. Dammit, looks like the metaphor machine is one the fritz again. Hey, I wonder if Lola will be a hot chick wearing leather. Yeah! And then maybe her and the FBI agent could fall in love. But when he discovers her secret identity, it threatens everything! Jeez, how come no one ever thinks of this stuff?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/12/battleshipkitsch_a-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/Johnny-depp-lone-ranger-tonto1-150x150.jpg)
I have that same outfit! Bitch!
It’s like Hitman meets fucking a chicken!
WILL ANGELINA SHOW HER TITS? NO?
DEAD2ME11!1
OK, when I was like 10 years old I was obsessed with comic book art and video game graphics. However, a mysterious process took place as I grew older, and I found the comic books with better stories and video games with better content were actually more appealing than the bright flashing lights of sparkling visual gratification.
Point being, there is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much media surrounding simple “eye candy”. This is a prime example. Adults that find this stuff appealing have equivalent mindsets and intellects of socially awkward 10 year old boys.
Some may argue that “Some people like the sizzle, some people like the steak.” My response?
“A sizzling steak is fine. See how many people like it when you take a shit in a hot fucking griddle. It sizzles, all right.”
She’ll bring down the gangster’s entire criminal organization just like they do in real life: with the clever use of tax forms.
Hmm, she’s strong, has a deep voice, sat me on her knee – I dunno, there’s something different about Lola.
Get Roman Polanski to direct, change the character’s name to Lolita, and get back to me on this.
a “Lola” is a laughing Chola, right?
There is a mal chance of me seeing this.
“Mal chance” is what the Mexican pimp told me when I asked if his girls were clean.
Who gave Taylor Lautner a tit job and a gun?
So no tits then? FML.
Fek, that kid from the pre-school I worked in took the biggest shit in a hot griddle!
Jack!-Pre-school children give Him pretty big shits, too!
I just want to throw this out there. What if we get Bruckheimer and replace all the people with kittens? That would be a kick ass flick!
I’m starting to think we should build a fence around Hollywood and rename it The California Home for the Criminally Retarded
Shouldn’t she be holding that gun sideways?
Should I be holding my love gun sideways?
New up, but there’s no signal.
[banner pic]
The most hyper-stylized menstrual period ever.