09.10.09 LONG OVERDUE: TWILIGHT PORN PARODIES
Cinematical discovered these, so I’ll let them take it away…
So now there’s not only a sparkly Twilight sex toy, but two Twilight naughty knock-offs. First there was Twilight of Virginity (shot in the home of Nikki Sixx!), and now there’s a new one called This Isn’t Twilight: The XXX Parody coming your way October 15th, just over a month before Twilight: New Moon.
The real question is, who are these marketed to? Even the grown-ups who enjoy the Twilight franchise say that the fun is because of the way it portrays high school crushes — yearning, unconsummated, and most certainly virginal, especially in the case of this sex-phobic book series.
Aw, how cute, this was written by a girl, wasn’t it? Allow me to explain: these are marketed to guys. We’ll buy them because we like Jenna Haze. She’s got spunk, and more importantly, likes getting spunked on. As for the Twilight thing, well, sure, why not? I know it’s not the most inspired idea for a parody, but I’m sure it’ll be good. After all, this is the studio that brought us Stuff My Ass Full of Cum 11. Usually a franchise loses steam after the second or third installment.
[bikini pics from Durden, where there are more, but she doesn't look right with clothes on. it's like a fish wearing scuba gear.]
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/Linda-Lovelace-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/TWilightManga-real-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/Superpoop-Twilight-Inglouri-150x150.jpg)
There are 39 comments about:
LONG OVERDUE: TWILIGHT PORN PARODIES
Hollywood should try making family versions of porn parodies.
It’s like translating English to Japanese and back to English, because you won’t wind up with anything close to what you started with.
Not the obvious;
Twilite: New Poon
will the ginger one be played by ron howard? i´d totally watch that in youporn.
We like these for the same reason we liked ‘The Fuck-Fast Club’, ‘My Big-Dicked Pony’, and ‘Rainne Blow Bright’; some guys like being able to have something in common with the little girls they fuck.
At least they found a way to make the sucking a good thing.
twilight: [noun] the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon.
not twilight: [noun] DVD that I pound my pud to.
Twilight : New Monistat
I want to see Edward perform Cullenlingus.
Bella and Jenna can make out in the soft core porn version: Bi-Light.
I wish Hustler hadn’t started calling all their pornadys “this isn’t: ACTUAL TITLE OF MOVIE” the funniest part of porn parodies tented to be the ridiculous porn-ified titles. (I think it was Ufford over at warming glow who came up with the genius title: “john and Kate plus 8 black dudes”)
I can only imagine what the parody will do with that scene where Edward has to suck the snake venom from Jacob’s gay dick.
At least in these movies you know someone will be eaten.
These movies are gonna blow, too, but in a good way.
I bet even the werewolf will be shaved… down there.
How peculiar? It would appear that my work computer has researched both “JENNA HAZE” and “THE 2012 RAPE OLYMPICS” today, September 10th, 2009.
Human resources can fist my fuck.
there’s not only a sparkly Twilight sex toy
Fuck, if this thing is any bigger than a pinky finger:
1. Ed Cullen is lying to himself and others.
2. It will never fit in the target audience.
In a related story, I think that “Twat Latte” would be a good name for a band that performs at lesbian coffee shops.
Vampire porn has a lot of necking.
“When you can fuck forever…you can fuck everbody”
Yeah, well tell me something that Natty Ice didn’t already teach me.
Twilight porn already exists. Nina Hartley wouldn’t find work otherwise.
I’d rather jerk to the pornified version of Little Children.
THIS ISN’T: POWDER.
Sparkly isn’t the right word, it’s glistening, or jizzy.
*chodin stands up during screening of “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”, places Spartan helmet on head *
THIS ISN’T TWILIGHT!
*turns around and kicks girlfriend in chest*
These are feel good movies with happy endings.
Parodies? I got a parodies a hanging!
Word to the wise : Tale of Despereaux … not Desperate Housewives porn. Not even close.
Just like with the original, I’ll probably be asleep about 15 minutes after turning it on.
The producer of Stuff My Ass Full of Cum 11 opted to go indie and blew his own wad on that film. Just like George Lucas.
Turning what on noMo, that sparkling sex toy?
This should open the door nicely for my own parody movie titled ‘The Care Bears Don’t Give a Fuck About Your Problems, Shithead’.
In vampire incest porn it’s okay for them to be in the son.
In pirate vampire porn they have lots of Garrrrrlick!
“Where are you planning on sticking that stake?”
New up
This Isn’t Twilight: The XXX Parody starring new cumer Vlad the Impaler
Hey baby, got a little vampire in ya? D’you want to?
Vampire-Werewolf DP!!!
that is all.
Shouldn’t there only be dudes on the box?
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