(Schadenfreude Sloth would like to open an account.  F’ck, even he thinks you retards take forever.)

Great news, everyone. That huge video chain who put all the independent video stores out of business, then charged double everyone else’s late fees while hiring clerks too apathetic and surly to work at Kinko’s, just announced that they’ll be shutting down 960 of their stores.

It’s no secret Blockbuster has been closing stores at a rapid clip, but the 960-figure [about 20% of its 4400 stores] is more than twice what was previously expected. Blockbuster could close as many as 685 stores this year and 275 next year.  Blockbuster, as has been chronicled ad nauseam, has been hemorrhaging money and customers because of competitive threats mostly from Netflix and Redbox.

Die, pigs, die!  Die, pigs, die!  Die, pigs, die!

The company has its own responses to those threats, of course. And, in fact, if it expands its Redbox-like offering from 500 kiosks now to 10,000 a year from now, as it says it will, Blockbuster’s presence could actually be larger by the end of 2010 than it is today, despite the store closings. [THR]

Die, pi– wait, what?  You mean they’re not going out of business?  Aw, crap.  Oh well, guess there’s always plan B.  (*throws gas can into back of truck, lights cigar*)