Todays Friday Free for All video comes from the always awesome folks over at everythingisterrible (via a tip from Russell). This time they’ve unearthed an invaluable self-help video from the 80s that will teach you ladies how to land that schlub we all know you’re desperate to settle for. Step one is wearing a dress with huge shoulder pads, apparently. Other highlights:
- “Mmm, attractive woman. Just my type. …But she sure looks like a bitch. Hrm, I don’t need that.”
- “Research shows 40% of men suffer from shyness.”
- “I suggest you let him know that it really turns you on when a man talks about his feelings.”
- “Is there any good news today?” “Not really.” “I guess I don’t need this then!” *puts down paper* “You know, somebody oughta come out with a paper that only has good news in it.” “You know, that’s a terrific idea, I would be the first person to buy it.” “Maybe we could start up a subscription race!”
Oh, sure, self-help video, you make it look so easy! As if there would really be such a brilliant conversationalist on my block! (see part two of Friday Free for All after the jump)
This one really needs no introduction. If you can get through more than 10 seconds of the music, I promise it’s worth it for the comedic value. Says Tom OC: DONT FORGET TO COP THE ALBUM This video is an ode to my hero. RIP 2pac
Of course it is. FilmDrunkard Mike also points out that one of the lines in the song is “Girl, you’re the one I’m missin’/come here to me, Chicken.” I think the implication is clear. What he means to say is: Keep f’ckin that chicken.
[second video via Videogum]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/gilbert-gottfried-read-the-angry-sorority-girls-email-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Nipple-Tassel-Razorblades-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/intro-to-smooching-and-your-morning-links-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/video-masturbating-koala-caught-in-the-act-150x150.jpg)
Dude Landing sounds like a crappy action hero.
Ya Jack!, that’s about how lame the shit I think of is.
(see: comments)
I always wondered what my retarded cousin would sound like if he were a robot with an imaginary girlfriend.
Wow, I thought autotune was supposed to make up for people who can’t sing.
My video on Dude Landing for the wimmens would be 10 seconds long and consist of me busting through a living room window SWAT style and yelling “Show some cleavage, whore!”
WHAT WE GONNNNN DOOOOOO?
Maybe they shouldn’t have shown so many pictures in the first half of that video. They clearly ran out halfway though.
“Show some cleavage, whore!”
*pushes man-boobs together and winks*
and 80% of men have experienced shyness at some point in their lives.
The other 20%? The Rapeman.
I like the way it kept reverting back to “that one night the semi-overweight, half-naked tramp was drunk enough to make me feel like Don Juan.”
Research shows 40% of men suffer from shyness.
That’s actually a mistype of a quote taken from the Jersey shore after a Jets game regarding how rowdy the crowds get.
The key to Dude landing is simple, get his rug back.
I’ve never remembered a woman for red wine, but I have remembered a few for red wings.
Key to dude landing, two words ya daft bites, “I swallow.”
Dude landing is easy. Just get a landing strip.
Her face says the secret to dude landing is in your smile but her dress says it’s in lowering your center of gravity and driving through the hips.
Damn, that STILL came out sexier than I wanted it to.
The easiest way to land a man is to tell him you masturbate to him….unless you yourself are a dude.
Goddamn bourbon.
I’m not exactly sure women should be taking advice on how to get guys to like them from a chick who I’m pretty sure is really just Steve Buscemi in drag.
Does any guy really care if a chick is wearing an interesting piece of jewelry? Unless it’s a nipple ring, who gives a shit?
Key to dude landing, walk up to a man and tell him you can snap a pencil in half with your twat.
I came a little when I saw the pic of that guy holding an airsoft pistol looking all thuggish. Amazing.
This song is so bad it went back in time and carved a swastika on little baby Jesus’s forehead and then hate-fucked that blood soaked holy baby in its ass before making him lick the tip clean.
I am so fucking going to autotune that dude landing video.
I would rather eat the burrito I found in my gun safe than listen to that song again.
@essequemodeia- thanks, now i can’t jerk off for at least another hour or two.
The secret to dude landing is to pursue someone less attractive than the people you have been pursuing up until the point of needing help to land dudes..
Landing dudes is easy if you use the right ‘bate.
*Chino turns on camera, sits down*
Ladies, if you want to land that dude, use this.
*stands up, points to crotch, turns camera off*
When shitting in the woods, if you are on a slope be sure to dig a little depression, otherwise a turd may roll down and befoul your boots.
So this Art guy, he lands a lot of dudes?
Remember ladies, roofies go both ways.
DJ AM mastered the dude landing but lost the war on drugs :(
John Kennedy Jr. did not have the art of dude landing.
View up!
Did anyone else notice that Tom OC’s conference table looked like a vag?
Tom O’C – Entrepreneur. Entrepreneur must be French for Douchebag. Never knew that. The inspirational and sagacious youtube commenters proffer some sound advice to the young MC. “Kill yourself faggott.” from mattshu1 being a heartwarming example.
Dude Landing is the sequel to Knotts Landing but with 50% more anal rape.