(I move we cast a hot chick with no acting talent and then make her look terrible. All in favor say “Unnnghh”)
Fox has announced that it will be rebooting Fantastic Four. The upside is that the rebooted version couldn’t be much worse than the two they already made. Ha, just kidding, this is Fox, where making things worse is job one. (Job two? Don’t drool).
Though Marvel Entertainment owns and finances properties like “Iron Man” and “Thor,” Fox controls “Fantastic Four” in perpetuity — as long as it continues making the films. Fox has the same arrangement on Marvel Comics properties “X-Men,” “Daredevil” and “Silver Surfer.”
The 2005 “Fantastic Four” and 2007 sequel “Rise of the Silver Surfer” were directed by Tim Story and starred Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis. Since the deals for the reboot are just getting made, it is unclear if any of them will return. [and if they were returning, it wouldn't really be a "reboot", now would it.]
Tim Story, if you’ll remember, was the guy who directed Taxi, about Jimmy Fallon driving around NY with Queen Latifah in a souped-up cab (it practically writes itself!). So if you don’t want to take my word for it that Fox is run by domesticated seals, consider only that they put what they considered an important movie franchise in the hands of THE GUY WHO DIRECTED EFFING TAXI.
Akiva Goldsman has been hired to oversee the reboot as producer. Michael Green, the co-exec producer of TV’s “Heroes” who co-wrote “Green Lantern,” will write the script for the new “Fantastic Four.” [Variety]
Let’s see… if people are going to get behind this reboot idea after we’ve already burned them twice, we’ll need to hire a writer who’s REALLY HOT right now. I’m talking Jonas Brothers in tuxedos hot. I know! We’ll get the guy who co-wrote The Green Lantern! He’s so hot, his movie isn’t even out yet! He’s so hot, no one even knows if he’s any good!
Brad, you’re a genius. I only have one question: Can we get the guy who directed I Love You Beth Cooper?
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They should cast a fat ugly chick for Invisible Woman so the drunken misogynist Mr. Fantastic can yell at her to go invisible during sex because he, “can’t fuck an ugly porker like you and your fat ass!”
Fox needs a tire-iron-to-the-face lesson.
The Thing drizzles Castrol GTX over his stiffy before “clobberin’ time”.
The Human Torch has to be careful when waving the American Flag!
Dr. Doom will be melodramatic, moody, and depressed, effectively rendering him “Dr. Doom and Gloom”.
The original cast will return and the film will open with Michael Chiklis waking from a terrible dream.
When The Thing heard the big news from Fox, he shit a brick!
I always thought that The Thing was made from stone, so imagine my surprise when the movie showed he was actually made from plasticene.
Nice Fek, nice.
Ya, so, anyway…they couldn’t find any blondes in Hollywood for the first two movies to portray Invisible Woman? Really?
I have a feeling Queen Loufah is lined up for the Chiklis part. They want to bank a little of that CGI money.
Oh, because the folks behind Heroes are just so good at handling superhero stories.
You might as well give another comic book franchise to Schumacher.
@Fek, Well, none with the acting chops of Jessica Alba.
Ioan Gruffudd will be fine. He’s getting married soon and will go on to play The Bearded Man.
Any word of Fox’s new baby clothing line? Or was that the Gap? That was the Gap. Nevermind.
Only way I’d see this is if it was the same cast and they named it “Fantastic Four-way”
Please please please tell me they’re gonna keep the codpieces.
This must be a relief to Chris Evans. Now he can go on to concentrate on the Cellular franchise.
Damn, Fek is on a roll today
Orlando Bloom and Jake Gyllenhaal will be in tough competition for the role of Johnny Storm. Fox figures they’d be better off getting an actual flamer for the role.
Hiring the guy who wrote Batman and Robin to oversee this reboot is pretty much what I’d expect Fox to do…..POW!
So, do you suppose Mr. Fantastic extend his neck or his dick when he feels like…um…”inflating his ego”.
After hearing this I’m convinced Fox needs a good Skrull fucking.
Since when were people allowed to do “reboots”, which are essentially do-overs. You can’t just fuck something up, spend millions of dollars, put out a huge turd and then get to redo it. Where else in the professional world is this allowed on such levels? (Besides the NFL)
I don’t remember if the same studio did the two recent Hulk movies but I don’t care. The first one sucked (I assume) so let’s just redo it? Fuck that.
Second chances are one thing, but to expect people to just act like these huge bombs essentially didn’t happen is fucking ridiculous. I wish someone would write some sort of virus for that if and when this garbage gets “rebooted”, anyone that goes to Fandango and tries to buy a ticket, their computer explodes in their fucking face. Fuck you, Hollywood.
Ok, I’m done now.
Not to mention, how would you like to be Invisible Woman’s “rebound guy”…you know Mr. Fucktastic wrecked that womb.
anyone that goes to Fandango and tries to buy a ticket, their computer explodes in their fucking face. Fuck you, Hollywood.
That’s all He saw in that post, odk.
Predicting what Fox will do is pretty easy. Just come up with a good idea, and then do the exact opposite.
The same goes for Heroes, actually.
New up!
Can we all just agree that the Fantastic Four sucks? They’re the fucking Planeteers without Heart.
Johnny – Fire
Reed – Water
Sue – Air
Ben – Earth
When you get owned for lack of a bumbling South American retard who has no friends and talks to monkeys, it’s time to hang up your superhero boots. This franchise deserves a funeral, not a reboot.
Please don’t give George Lucas any more ideas.
Michael Bay raises hand at the Fantastic Four meeting: “Can we add some transformers, velociraptors, Kirstin Dunst and an Aerosmith soundtrack?”