DISNEY + MMA = EPIC FACEPALM
09.16.09
Holy God do I wish I could take a time machine back to six months ago before every tool in Hollywood had heard of MMA. The latest? David Henrie of the Disney channel’s Wizards of Waverly Place (yeah, I haven’t heard of him either, I think he might be a lesbian) is planning to develop and star in The Weapon. What’s that, you ask? Why it’s an adaptation of the most original comic book ever.
“Weapon” follows martial arts enthusiast and inventor Tommy Zhou, who has developed a ground-breaking portable innovation that an evil order will stop at nothing to steal. Released in 2007, “Weapon” was created by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg.
A “portable innovation”? You mean like, a fleshlight? A suitcase bomb? A flask? Quit being so f’cking coy. But getting back to what I said about MMA, gird your loins for awful PR quotes part two…
“‘The Weapon’ is so awesome, and my Disney audience will enjoy the empowerment and action-filled journey my character experiences,” Henrie said. “I’m a huge fan and student of MMA (mixed martial arts), and I hope to bring that to the character of Tommy.” [THR]
Well sure, who doesn’t love “empowerment”? I’d be willing to bet the Disney audience likes empowerment almost as much as they like girl haircuts and vests.
That Disney has never been bombed is proof that the terrorists are both lazy and incompetent.
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I’m a huge fan and student of enemas and I hope to bring that into the character of Tommy.
He does have experience with MMA. However, his version of MMA stands for Man on Man Anal.
After seeing this post, Simon Le Bon was quoted as saying, “Looky here at all the little nancy boys!”
A jackhammer is a ground-breaking portable innovation. He just made it smaller and attached a rubber dildo to the end of it.
Tommy, Zhou really like giving blowjobs huh?
Hrmm…change that text to read “stop at nothing to buy” and this movie describes Disney to a T.
Disney is still undecided on whether to let David Henrie wear a coolie hat and giant front teeth or actually renaming the character to Tommy Joe.
I was a huge fan and student of high school wrestling. Bringing things to the character of Tommy cost me my job with the school board.
I tried to read the quote you have from this “guy” but all I could see was “The Gay is so gay, and my gay audience will enjoy the gay and gay-filled journey my gay experiences.”
More like MMGay, amirite?
His weapon of choice just happens to be a purple dildo.
I bet he loves Brazilian Jujitsu.
When your picture can best be described as “A less-masculine Maggie Gyllenhaal”, it might be time to just hang up the ol’ testicles and join the other gender.
I’d sooner believe a Flava Flav quote about proving the Grand Unified Theory of Relativity before I’d believe the kid in that picture actually said the words in that quote. He looks like he couldn’t tie his shoes without the help of a production assistant and/or helper monkey.
Disney’s audience likes the empowerment of handsome boys nowhere near as much as Disney executives like the overpowering of handsome boys.
He wears a purity ring…he just happens to have it on his cock.
Why only six months ago? wasnt there like a bajillion movies in the 80s of underground fights? like lionheart with jcvd.
Calm down, David, “Ground & Pound” doesn’t mean what you think it means.
I can tell you one thing about that ground-breaking portable innovation. It’s definitely not a comb.
GET OFF MY LAWN!
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favo(u)rite things, and I bring that shit to EVERY thing I do.
Happy birthday, Nick Jonas!!!!!!! ;>0 ~~<=====8
He calls his favorite move “Splash Mounting”.
Methinks bed head means something different to the young lad than it does to me.
Disney exec: Now, cram some vampires and zombies into this script, STAT!
Disney scribe: I… really don’t see how…
DE: Listen queer stain. You get me vampires and zombies or I butt knifve you and get someone who will.
wayze up!
Disney has ruined all our best vest wearers like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest vest wearers we had!
David Henrie: I’m a huge fan and student of MMA (mixed martial arts), and I hope to bring that to the character of Tommy.
Skeptical straight male: I see, so whats your favorite MMA technique?
David Henrie: The reach around.