09.28.09 DIABLO CODY IS TOTES WRITING PLAYBOY MOVIE

What, there weren’t enough former strippers at the Playboy Mansion already?

The only piece of Diablo Cody’s writing I’m interested in reading is her suicide note.

Yes, get the self-proclaimed Mark Twain of extemporaneous jerk-off fiction to write a script wherein the women shouldn’t do much talking.

I hate today.

I adore that Jennifer’s Body was such a huge flop. Much like her tits will be in about 10 years.

Brett Ratner dropped out of this to work on an autobiographical film about this time that his family went in to audition for a variety show, and the manager said, “Well what can you do…”

Burnsy, you are a genius!!!!

Finally! Bring back gigantic 70’s beaver, Hef!

Brain Grazer would be an awesome name for a movie about zombie cows.

Whose tits? Cody’s or Fox’s? Cuz I’d still look at MF’s tits even once they’re floppy. Diablo Cody? Not even when she was a stripper.

…

So just what in Kahless’ hollowed out mattress hump-hole is a fucking “Playboy movie”?

Cody, I would not diss Fox’s tits. Even I want to touch them. With my tongue.

If they’re going to make a Playboy movie, they need to get Morgan Freeman to narrate the whole way through. If I’m ever going to make it to the end, I need his voice there making sure I don’t come fifteen minutes in before heading back out to the snack bar and maybe taking a nap.

If this movie doesn’t go straight to Skinemax, I’ll… well, I’ll still jerk off to it.

They would call it the Playboy MANsion, wouldn’t they. Psh. Come on, Diablo, let’s get out of here.

/Fastens rollerskates

Brett Ratner is holding out for the Playgirl movie.

Brett Ratner is holding out sucking in his gut for the Playgirl movie.

FIXED!

OK then Eibz. As long as we’re understood. You can tongue her titties. I’ll take what’s souff of the equator.

Working Title: Miss Juno.

/For someone who comments so infrequently, you think I’d only share my finest thoughts. And yet no.

Don’t worry, baby, I’m only watching this for the articles.

Hef looks like he’s ready for Jennifer’s body bag.

he eh *splooge* errrrd

at Maxwell: Don’t worry I enjoy all your comments. Though to be fair they are made infinitely more awesome by the fact that you have a velvet goldmine poster that accompanies them.

Does anyone actually buy softcore porn anymore? Is playboy kept entirely afloat at this point by sales of t-shirts and lighters with their bunny logo on it?

Brett Ratner was forced off the project when he kept trying to make it about playing with boys.

Bullshit. Hefner can’t possibly have figured out how to use one of those newfangled computing machines.

Does anyone actually buy softcore porn anymore?

Buy…porn? You can do that?

antcow, the only reason that Playboy is still in business is because of people who don’t have the internet.

What’s porn?

True story:

Traveling through Nevada one year, I was compelled by the gigantic billboard to visit the “Largest Sex Shop in Nevada”. Open 24/7. Because god forbid the intertubes should run out of porn at 4am on Wednesday.

Why are the pages of this script stuck together?

the only reason that Playboy is still in business is because of people who don’t have the internet.

It’s true, the internet was down for most of the day at work and I killed time by filling out subscription cards for Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, and Cat Fancy.

You’re welcome, Vince.

Chino. . . what’s porn? Really? Aren’t you married?*

* ask your husband, he’ll know

This is the movie next door.

Brett Ratner prefers to play boy, because playing girl inflames his roids.

Chino, you should come to my house, I will explain it. Then, we will take a road trip to New Orleans for further study with the master.

I just hope this movie isn’t going to emulate the style of the Playmate of the Year videos otherwise it’s going to be annoyingly edited, badly lit, have a blandly anonymous soundtrack and involve a bunch of Stepford wives engaging in wholesome activities (like baseball, milking cows or clay pigeon shooting) with no knickers on; and i’ll need to be fifteen years younger to beat off to it.

This movie says it’s for a guy with a great sense of humor, but you only ever see it with rich douchebags.

This movie has deep-seated issues with its parent company.

True story: I got sent to the Principal’s office once for bringing Playboys to school and showing them to my friends.
I was in kindergarten.

So, you can airbrush movies now?

Imagining Heff spouting dialogue from Juno pretty much just made my day.

Fred Durst just pre-ordered his tickets thru Fandango.

I know quite a few husbands who will diligently leave work early when this comes out to see this before their wives get home.

Seriously, if this isn’t a campy horror movie about a spectre that haunts Playboy Mansion and feeds off of silicone breast implants, then just where the fuck do they plan on going with this?

I always start this movie right in the middle. Then I go back to the beginning.

Soundtrack courtesy of the Bare Naked Ladies.

The sad thing about all of this is that Heff is an avid classic movie collector.

It’s also fun to imagine Heff being pissed off when it turned out Diablo Cody was a chick instead of a guy with a badass name. Ahhh old people and their sexism, how quaint.

I’ve only ever claimed to be a master bater Eibz.

Fek, to answer your question, the movie will be kind of a mix between ‘Swingers’ and ‘Osmosis Jones’, as it tracks a single herpes virus cell around the Grotto as he parties and multiplies, but ultimately struggles to find meaning in life.

This movie gives you a distorted image of what real movies really look like.