(Dear Penthouse Forum…)
Looks like everyones favorite birth name is back in the news today (relax dude, it’s not you). Diablo Cody has signed on (presumably in the brightest sparkle crayon she could find) to write/produce a theatrical version of the popular book series Sweet Valley High, per Variety. You may recall the Sweet Valley High series as “those rectangles I use to keep my coke table level”, but they’re actually books. And they open up to reveal knowledge…about twins!!! *chugs beer as lightning bolt transforms landlord into bikini model*
Diablo Cody’s heading back to high school, signing on to write and produce an adaptation of the “Sweet Valley High” book series for Universal. Mason Novick, Adam Siegel and Marc Platt are also producing.
Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound so bad after all. I mean, I was anticipating something a lot worse. I guess all there is to do now is to learn more about these Sweet Valley High books:
The “Sweet Valley” novels followed the lives of identical twins with dissimilar personalities — the sensitive and practical Elizabeth and the flighty and boy-crazy Jessica — in the fictional town of Sweet Valley. There were more than 150 books in the series between 1983 and 2003 and a TV series with 88 episodes between 1994 and 1997.
Oh…sh-t. My bad. That does sound like it is going to suck, really bad actually. The good news in all of this? I can assure you that Diablo Cody will never again adapt a book series with more titles that sound like possible Dateline NBC episodes.
-Chodin
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Are these the chicks that fucked the Hardy Boys constantly? Or was that Nancy Drew?
Ah ha. So this is what “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” is based off of? Jesus, I thought it was “The Shining”.
The bright side? A former stripper writing a script about twins. You can’t lose!
Oh… wait… fuck
Shhhhhh, hear that? That’s the sound of Elisabeth Shue crushing a Percocet mixer for her 10:00AM “Fuck you, crow’s feet” Martini. She was born for this role, dammitt.
I’m starting to think this girl is a genius. So much so, her last name could be Busey.
She’s heading back to high school? Looks like Mr. Cody’s back in the daughter raping biz.
Amazing how some styles just hold their own over time. Like bangs, for instance. And self loathing.
No, your eyes do not deceive you. That’s current market value in Canadia, as they just received the first shipment last month.
Most people say they’re stripping to put themselves through school, not to make mind-numbingly obsessive films about it.
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn’t belong?
If you guessed the ex-stripper whore is not like the others,
Then WAY TO GO DONNIE!
I fuckin’ got nothin’ today. Blah blah blah Romulans…dor sho gha. There. Now fuck off.
The one writing in the journal is distracted. She’s looking directly at cock.
I’m not making this up, she’s staring at a cock. Go back and look.
I had to look three times…
That would make you gay at a urinal.
Has this book been made into a movie before? No? And it’s not a “re-imagining” of an old TV show?
I’m suprisingly OK with this.
Oh, hey, I remember this series. Not by choice, though, ’cause it was boring.
On the bright side, at least it’s not more vampires?
Then I ask myself, would Busey’s daughter be a stripper ? Have an interesting way with language ?
WELL, WOULD SHE BUTTHORN ? Then I have trouble sleeping.
The show starred Brittany Daniel back in the 90s, so I’m actually okay with this.
New up . . . but it sucks.
Boy-crazy is the G-Rated term for gangbang.