COMMENTS OF THE WIN
09.27.09(Yep, this is you, comments of the week winner. And yes, most of these chicks are friends of your aunt’s.)
What up, sluts. Comments of the week time again. Nominate for next week in the comments section below. Anyway, let’s get this show on the road. Starting things off, our favorite foreigner argentino continues the Randi-Mayem-Singer-is-the-Hitler-of-Screenwriters mini meme in the Highlander remake thread:
argentino says: If this was a Randi Mayer Singer script, it would be called Sieg Heilander.
Get it? It’s funny because he implied she was a Nazi. (Maybe you had to be there?) And being an Argentino, he’d know something about Nazis. Phew, that was hopelessly esoteric. I hope it gets better from here.
Next up, smokeemifyagotem has an alternate title for Whip It in the ELLEN PAGE AND DREW BARRYMORE ARE LAZY LESBIANS thread:
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: 2 Girls 1 Flop
Ahh, two girls one cup, it’s truly the Citizen Kane of poop-eating videos. Continuing on the theme, there was Pauly Dangerously in the MESSAGES DELETED TRAILER/LARRY COHEN REALLY LOVES MOVIES ABOUT PHONES thread:
Pauly Dangerously says: Larry Cohen’s computer’s search history just has one site: 2cans1string.com
Anyway, back to the Highlander thread. Boy, I should really organize this better.
Charlie Br0nze says: “There can be only one” is just anathema to Hollywood.
Because it’s a remake? +10 cleverness. From STEVEN SPIELBERG IS A DIRTY STINKY WHORE, Jacktion! pays close attention to the banner picture, specifically George Lucas’ special neck gland.
Jacktion! says: George Lucas is getting ready to regurgitate food to feed Spielberg.
No you idiot, that’s where he stores the rocks that help him break down the bones and seeds that he eats before they can pass into his fourth stomach. Ah, fat people. Speaking of organs, here’s ChinoMoreno from the MEGAN FOX DOESN’T HAVE A SPECIAL VAGINA thread:
ChinoMoreno says: If I was in middle management, I’d ask you into my orifice for a meating.
Mmm, sexy. Do any of the men have a rebuttle?
Pauly Dangerously says: If I was in middle management, I’d put my mess-o-jizz in your inbox.
Hotness. I picked this next one, from EMO DOG, not because I liked the song, which I do, but because the song reference was a good fit.
Patty Boots says: Emo Dog wishes someone would destroy his sweater. Just hold this thread as he walks away.
Meanwhile, Pauly again, in the He-Man and Barbie movies thread, proves the power of the F word.
Pauly Dangously: *makes Barbie and He-Man action figures 69* That’s what the f’ck I’m talking about.
Same thread:
Fek’lhr says: BY THE POWER OF NUMBSKULL!!!
RoboPanda says: They wanted to calculate a more accurate percentage for the brand awareness, but math is hard.
Get it? Because Barbie… nevermind. Elsewhere, puns abounded in the Lost Boys 3: Corey Feldman vs. DJ Dusk thread:
Chareth Cutestory says: I was into D.J. Dusk way before he started…sucking.
ChinoMoreno says: D.J. Dusk likes to bite but has been known to resort to scratching.
From the Super Food Broker Shuffle video:
Stone Soup says: The fact that they didn’t have an actual refrigerator perform a rap is criminal.
Wow. How did they not think of that angle? With a mind like that, you should be managing a southern food brokerage company. Same thread:
Donkey Hodey says:
Yo my name is Donk and I’m here to say
There’s tons of food you can shove in your vajayjay
Hot dogs, bananas, cucumbers, carrots
Now bend over, bitch, time to grin n’ bear it.
Break it down now.
*beatboxes for a minute*
I’m fired, aren’t I?
It wasn’t funny until that last part. And finally, we go to the David Mamet’s Diary of Anne Frank too dark for Disney thread:
Chino Moreno says: Spike Lee doesn’t think this is dark enough.
DeFrank says: I believe the actual Disney executive quote was: “This flick is so Jewish and so dark we may as well call it ‘Sammy Davis Jr.’”
And finally:
Chareth Cutestory says: At least Mamet’s script was better than the one Diablo Cody turned in. Anne Frank was all, “Nice uniforms, Dussel-dorks.” Then she was murdered alongside her family. Empowerment!
Well done, noob. That would’ve been good enough for the win, if only Randi “Mayhem” Singer, the Hitler of Screenwriters hadn’t showed up (or someone claiming to be her, anyway):
santamonicagary says: I just stumbled upon your little blog, and I thought… hmmm, who would I rather be, the Hitler of screenwriters, who wrote Mrs. Doubtfire, is getting paid gobs of cash to write Big Momma’s House 3, just sold a genie pitch and has tons of other stuff she’s happily doing, or a puny bitter wannabe jealously blogging from his basement to three people on the internet. Let’s see…
Puny? Don’t make me bust out these guns. Anyway, almost every comment after that was gold, so I have to give the MVP award to Ms. Big Momma’s House 3.


Don’t call me an idiot. I has an very sensitive brains.
When I stumbled on Mantini’s blog, I said “Holy crap,what a beautiful throbbing blog”. I think it made him feel good.
Holy crap filmdrunk has advertising trolls posting now? I knew the Vanners were going to attract the wrong crowd to this site.
Sugarsweet- You, me, and some skullfucking. What do you say?
Hey! I commented on the Big Momma’s House 3 thread. That makes me a winner right? Sorta? Alright! Finally!
I gotta be honest. I haven’t been funny in a while and I don’t ever deserve to be even mentioned in the noms. And I can post under fake names like Cross Country Heat, Toby Keith and a few others I can’t remember, but the fact remains the same that I just can’t make people laugh anymore. I really try to be funny. I do. But I just fail. And I know why now. Because I’m lonely. I’ve just needed to meet the right girl. Thanks to Sugarsweet, I have. There really are celebs on that site. I just got home from a date with Joy Behar. She let me put two fingers in her ass, just because it’s Yom Kippur, but also because we hit it off. Thanks, Sugarsweet!
Why, that sounds lovely, Mr Jacktion. You sure know how to make a lonely trollbot feel at home.
My skull or yours?
What the fuck’s going on here???
I posted that over an hour ago!
Er, I mean … get your own avatar, slutbag!
[scratches crotch, sniffs fingers, grunts]
Big ups crips.
Thanks, everybody. I’m flattered. Now that I know how this nomination process works, I’ll return the favor. A figurative reach-around, if you will.
Those are not the Leias i was looking for, although the tanned blonde on the right, middle row, could be worthy of an elegant weapon for a more civilized age*. Gnome sayin’.
*my cock.
So, is santamonicagary going to tell us who she would rather be or what?
Thank you for finally putting to rest the whole “you can’t look ugly while dressed as slave leia” controversy. Dozens of people who go to comic-cons are in your debt.
I wouldn’t fuck these girls with Jack’s dick, and that’s saying something since I’ve fucked a lot of girls with his dick.
13 Year Olds Dude
And to start it off here is why I ♥ Chino – Drugs, booze and non consensual sex? That’s what I call ‘date night’.
Blood Energy Drink Thread.
Fek says:
Well, one thing is for sure, these things will make it a lot easier for Him to identify the people that need the gay beaten out of them.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/blood-energy-potion-for-vampires
Burnsy says:
They’re just ripping off the Brokeback Mountain creamsicles.
Well, I am just honored, y’all.
I made it to the cotw, I´m really proud.
is that sad?
From “Twilight Has Doomed Us All, Part 2:”
Fek’lhr says:
Insert A Negative comment here.
ChinoMoreno says:
You should try to B more +.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/blood-energy-potion-for-vampires?cp=2#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
Unlike their purchasers, these pouches come in a box.
Chino’s off to a brilliant start on the week. Second coming in boxes.
3rd Chino’s box ifyouknowwhatimean
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/brett-ratner-sexed-a-paraplegic#comments
Fek
Ratner’s favourite story to tell the ER nurses is how he was trying to save a kitten from a tree, but fell down naked ass-first on to a light bulb!
Wow, the Drunkettes are making the boys look bad this week. chelle07 on the Ratner post:
I bet it was just a low hanging fruit.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/not-your-grandmas-a-to-m-movie#comments
Chino:
“I couldn’t really enjoy my Grandma’s ATM movie because her Jitterbug kept ringing through the whole thing.”
Moose has a funnies. From NOT YOUR GRANDMA’S ANUS 2 MOUTH MOVIE
Moose says:
NOT YOUR GRANDMA’S ANUS 2 MOUTH MOVIE
No shit, my grandma’s anus 2 mouth movie was called Steel Magnolias.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/book-of-eli-trailer-2
Another one for the sluts, as Michelle07 busts out:
Hobo Jesus turns EVERYTHING into wine
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/book-of-eli-trailer-2#comments
ATidyLittleSum
Hobo Jesus tries to clean my windows at stop lights with holy water and pages from Leviticus.
AND
Michelle0
Hobo Jesus turns EVERYTHING into wine
Oh man…any scabies reference is hilarious
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/book-of-eli-trailer-2#comments
Rock Strongo says:
Hobo Jesus can cure leprosy, but will give you scabies
Polanski
Donkey Hodey says:
[Swiss prisoner walks into showers to see his cellmate raping Roman Polanski]
Prisoner 1: Holy shit, man. You’re ass-raping Roman Polanski!
Prisoner 2: Yeah, I know, it’s good too.
Prisoner 1: I get that, but why are you also giving him drugs and taking pictures?
Prisoner 2: When in Roman . . .
-AND-
Evil Taco says:
Leave it to the swiss to find a way to make him stop . . .
*puts on sunglasses*
Roman.
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
this product sucks
Stinky Peet says:
“. . . same color, look and consistency as real blood”? I think we should bring a sharpened bowie knife to a New Moon screening and run ourselves a double-blind taste test.
centipede
Patty Boots says:
How do things get crazier? Does the human centipede throw a party while the batshit German scientist is out of town for the weekend?
book of eli
ChinoMoreno says:
Hobo Jesus holds a sign that says ‘Will work for food, but expects a raise on the third day’
-AND-
JessicaD says:
Hobo Jesus beats up Salvation Army Santas and tells them that’s his freaking money bitch.
from
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/the-tim-burton-fashion-show#comments
Fek’lhr says:
The only thing this post is missing is Sly in his Judge Dredd costume to be the “fashion police”.
and second Michelle0 hobo wino jesuso
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/diablo-cody-is-totes-writing-playboy-movie
Patty Boots:
What, there weren’t enough former strippers at the Playboy Mansion already?
Faced!
Holy fuck. My internet goes down at work and you fuckers turn the funny up to 11. Good thing I’m bad at taking hints.
Anyway, I’m lazy and mad I missed this shit. I second everybody, especially Chino.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/not-your-grandmas-a-to-m-movie
ChinoMoreno says:
About an hour after eating the Asian guy’s poop, the girls are gonna get hungry again.
This was simple but hilarious:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/diablo-cody-is-totes-writing-playboy-movie?cp=3#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
This movie will be shot on location (under your mattress)
Fuck! Second every nom for Chino. She is on fire today.
Nah but the raise on the third day for hobo Jebus? Brilliant.
keyHo brightens up Vince’s daily dump with this gem onhttp://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/daily-circle-jerk-abraham-russell-edition
I was hoping that in DJ Hero, you’d play the fat Tanner sister. The game is over when Uncle Joey rapes Kimmy Gibbler and blames it on a beaver puppet.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/the-roman-polanski-update-rape#comments
Burnsy
Burnsy: “Fine France, then how about you take O.J. Simpson, too?”
France: “Whoa, easy there dick.”
If I don’t stop nomming Chino exclusively even I might think there’s something between us.
Fuck it, that girl is funny . . . from Soup Not See Movie
Donovan McNabb’s mom encourages you to see this movie.
i lol’d
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/woody-allen-signs-free-polanski-petition#more-19427
Stone Soup says:
To honor Polanski’s legendary artistry, the group has announced that the next three film festivals will feature bottomless popcorn boxes.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/where-the-wild-things-are-costumes#comments
Stone Soup says:
*Made from real Muppet*
Goddamn Stoney on the same post:
(*air ukulele*)
I had one of those once. It was so off-pitch that tuning it was hopeless. All it was useful for was for killing beetles in the back yard.
I called it my ‘YokoLele’.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/terminator-rights-up-for-grabs#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
DURRR, I HAZ A TURD ON A STICK.
Give that man a movie deal…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/new-twilight-new-moon-posters&cp=1
ATidyLittleSum:
(Prominent vampire’s react to Twilight promotion)
Dracula: Guys…I mean…what the fuck?
Blade: Yeah. I gotta agree with Vlad there. I would stab you with my sword but you’d probably want me to stick in your ass.
Lestat: Dude. You guys make me look like Harrison fucking Ford for Christ sake.
Sesame Street Count: 1…2…3…4…twinks! Hahaha!!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/new-twilight-new-moon-posters#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
I’m just glad that bleached assholes aren’t just for the porn industry anymore.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/new-twilight-new-moon-posters?cp=2#comments
Ah, suck jokes. Chino:
This poster sucks so hard, you don’t need tacks to stick it to the wall.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/new-twilight-new-moon-posters#comments
ATidyLittleSum says:
We can rest easy folks. The only things these vampires bite are pillows.
and second donks bleached assholes
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/please-jump-in-a-volcano-all-of-you?cp=2#comments
Stone Soup says:
In the back room, LA Candy is everyone’s darling.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/olivia-munn-something-something&cp=1#comment-221629
Jacktion! says:
Donk didn’t comment for a full six minutes into this thread because he was looking up how to spell Kevin’s last name.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/death-bell-the-bell-that-rings-people&cp=1#comment-221656
Donk -HA!
Relax, it’s a North Korean history test. Everybody knows that every single answer is “Kim Jong Il”.
From the same thread, which had a link to the carnivorous “Death Bed” – FUCK MIKE, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this:
If only my bed would eat me…It sure would be a lot easier for me to fall asleep at night.
Holy shit, how did that happen? I forgot to add “Chino” to that ^^
So maybe I have a bit of a hard-on for Chino today, because if I nommed everything of hers that made me laugh so far today, I definitely would be working late: same thread -
Putting a new slant on the Saw franchise.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/dare-trailer
Stop it, Chino, I’m already married:
I kissed a Dude, and I liked it
the taste of his White Russian…
DAMN IT! I knew that if I liked it, I should have put a ring* on it.
*cock
Fuck it just call me Chino’s comment nomination slave this week.
In The One With Tranny Sandra Bernard
she gets down wiff – His mom named him Ashley?! I bet that burns!
Haha! It’s funny becau . . . you know what? If you don’t get it you just don’t get it.
Donk pisses in my gas tank in http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/forgotten-classics-terror-at-blood-fart-lake
Donkey Hodey says:
When a group of college kids head off to their friend’s cabin for a little high octane sex weekend they will get more than they bargained for
“High Octane Sex” is when you fuck 91 and 93-year olds, right?
And same thread, Donk gets me again.
Donkey Hodey says:
Blood Fart Lake has more Taco Bells per square mile than anywhere else in the world.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/forgotten-classics-terror-at-blood-fart-lake?cp=2#comments
Vodka says:
The Wal-Mart in Blood Fart Lake wins the underwear sales record every year.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/forgotten-classics-terror-at-blood-fart-lake?cp=2
Those of us with severe hemorhoids can relate:
Vodka says:
The Wal-Mart in Blood Fart Lake wins the underwear sales record every year.
In the BFL thread:
Shop 101 says:
Dredging Blood Fart Lake is limited to fetishists.
Second Donk’s Taco Bell.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/please-jump-in-a-volcano-all-of-you#comments
Jesco White says:
“Blue Eyed Girl Prods” reminds me of the time I let my ex use her dildo on me.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/awesome-student-black-eyed-peas-video#comments
GlennBeckHasAIDS channels my frustration:
Why won’t any of you assholes give me directions to Intro to Macroeconomics?!?!?!?
Just when I think I’ve made a funny comment, my screen refreshes and Donk has posted before me… *sigh*.
In California Needs to Fall Off the Face of the Earth
Donkey Hodey says:
Hollywood: Where two wrongs make a right and two rights is what Chris Brown gives Rihanna before following it up with a left cross.
Donk does it again in the 1-900 post.
Donkey Hodey says:
Donk: Hello? Make-you-cry hotline? Yeah, so I’ve only got 25 cents. What do you have for me?
Operator: They’re making a Viewmaster movie and there are people who still value Madonna’s opinions.
Donk: Thanks.
*bawls*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/twilight-has-doomed-us-all-part-3#comments
Token Black Guy says:
I may just buy one if only for its ability to lure both teenage girls and lonely undersexed older women.
Good shit in this thread in general, but…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/hugh-jackman-robot-boxer#comments
Stinky Peet says:
“Short me, Mick.”
and in response to a possible spoiler…
Jirish says:
It’s not a spoiler if no one was planning to see it.
Same thread, Stinky Peet again:
In robot boxing the referee counts you out by holding up a small hourglass.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/twilight-has-doomed-us-all-part-3?cp=2#comments
Jirish says:
This game comes with free razor blades and a ribbed body pillow.
BOOSH!
I nom all of Chodin’s comments from the Robots post.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/actual-premisethe-rock-plays-tooth-fairy
Burnsy says:
This idea certainly came from a cavity.
Epic exchange finished off by Vince. From the Ramones Thread
Donkey Hodey says:
I slept with Vince and all I got was my dick sucked and my clothes dry-cleaned.
ChinoMoreno says:
Donk, you just made me spit on my phone.
Vince Mancini says:
Swallow your phone. No spitters allowed.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/the-crazies-trailer#comments
Fek still represents all that is good and pure in this world:
DNA, sometimes He doubts your commitment to Dismissive Wank Motion!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/ramones-biopic#more-19599
Donkey Hodey says:
I always wanted to see Joey Ramone and Howard Stern do the mirror bit from ‘Duck Soup’.
You know, I’ve been irrationally bummed that no one nominated my pun from the Hugh Jackman boxing robot thread yesterday, so fuck it, I’m self nominating it. If it makes me a pariah, if it makes you look down on me in shame, all I can say is get in fucking line.
Stinky Peet on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/10/hugh-jackman-robot-boxer
Hugh Jackman finds the discarded robot on the waterfront, mumbling over and over, “I coulda been a Nintendo…”
marmaduke
Burnsy says:
I’m writing a Family Circus movie so I can show Little Jeffy’s path as he goes to the houses of all these actors, ripping their tongues out.
-AND-
spazmodic says:
After this movie comes out, that dog’s gonna have to change his name to MarmaLAID!
*paw-bump*
dare
Donkey Hodey says:
Johnny On The Spot is more than a name for a port-a-potty, it’s also a guy I knew who had an insatiable dalmation fetish.
lawyer lied about lying
JessicaD says:
I say force him and Polanski to do one another and call the case closed. Both of them will have learned their lesson. Lawyer: Oh, so that’s what it is to be fucked up the ass.
Polanski: Oh, so that’s what it’s like to be banged by a creepy old man.
The end.
zombieland
ChinoMoreno says:
Zombie strippers prefer to be referred to as exotic shufflers.
Timothy Olyphantastic movie
Crapbasket says:
Tony Jaa’s signature skate move is the olliephant.
Change the spelling to “I coulda been a Nintendah” and I second it.
Second JessicaD’s lawyer-rape idea. It just makes sense.