Presumably in the hopes of exploiting that huge “how do I become a vampire” market that Google recently exposed, “Urban Collector” has begun selling an energy drink that looks like a blood transfusion. Because abstinence can be tiring, but this will help you regain that youthful ‘sparkle.’ Okay I’ll stop now.
Blood Energy Potion: the world’s first synthetic blood beverage. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! [UrbanCollector]
It goes without saying that I’d rather drink milk out of a c’ck-shaped carton than this, but I imagine it might appeal to the target market of teenage girls, sedentary, functioning illiterates, and sorority chicks who appreciate the larger font. But the question remains: Is it safe for cats?




Do different blood types come in different flavas? B/c I’d have to imagine A+ tastes like ass, B- tastes like bile and O tastes like orange juice.
I like orange juice.
If they really wanted to hit their target audience they would’ve served this in a douche bag.
Insert A Negative comment here.
You should try to B more +.
This is perfect for that Twihard gang. I hear that crew is blood in blood out.
Well, one thing is for sure, these things will make it a lot easier for Him to identify the people that need the gay beaten out of them.
There’s a sucker version that comes on a tampon.
They’re just ripping off the Brokeback Mountain creamsicles.
Actually, if these things were like Capri Suns with ironically shaped little swirly straws (grr…a werewolf!), then His journey to the Darkside would be complete!
*curb-stomps a geriatric*
Call me when the New Moon Pies come out.
So this drink is 83% water and makes you puke if you ingest more than a few ounces of it? So it’s exactly like any other energy drink?
You can probably blame True Blood for this one.
“Urban Collector” was my rank with the Birmingham police department.
Hey Token: will you message me at filmdrunkards@hotmail.com?
Chino, those pies don’t come in a Cup do they?
More like “fagtastic fruit punch flavour”!
Come to think of it, I did see mormon drooling while I gave blood last week….
This is good, though, because Twilight fans need plenty of energy potion for all the sports they play.
The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. 4 hours of energy? Who writes this shit? At least it has electrolytes. Hector Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho approves.
The label says it has a “Fangtastic fruit punch flavor”. God, I hate people.
“…same color, look and consistency as real blood”? I think we should bring a sharpened bowie knife to a New Moon screening and run ourselves a double-blind taste test.
Finally, a more efficient way to pretend to be drinking from a blood bag. Up until the kids have been make such a mess with the Capri Sun containers.
Vince, so you’re the face on the milk carton?
This is great, we need to expand on this line. Imagine the market for “urine sample sports drink”. Juan Marquez could be the spokesman.
Coming soon to a Hot Topic near you!
Comes in a pouch because if you buy this, you suck.
Fek, check your FB inbox RIGHT FUCKIN NOW SUCKA!!
OK!
Unlike their purchasers, these pouches come in a box.
Holy fuck, lolcage tomorrow is going to be epic fo’ real.
How many ounces per pouch? IV.
Dass wut I’m sayin!
All Twilight fans deserve a bloody sack.
New up. But it sucks. And not even blood. It just sucks.
I feel sorry for the poor sap that gets this drink as a blood transfusion.
This makes Christianity look cool. At least when they pretend to drink blood they use wine.