By now, my mom has probably sent everyone an internet link regarding the uplifting story of Susan Boyle, the Shrek-like singing sensation from the U.K. TV program “Britain’s Got Talent”. Well, since fact-checking is officially dead these days, starpulse.com is reporting, from no source whatsoever, that Robin Williams has been asked to play Boyle in a bio pic about her rise to fame.

He says, “I’ve been asked if I want to play Susan in the movie. I think she’s incredible. That clip of her singing on Britain’s Got Talent was extraordinary. So inspiring. It was quite a shock when she began to sing. I saw some other clip of her singing ‘Cry Me A River’ a few years ago. It was incredible. She’s got a really great voice.”

Seems like a reasonable enough quote from Robin Williams, doesn’t it? Well, if you loved that last quote, then you’re really going to sh-t the bed with this next sentence:

And the actor, who is an avid Boyle fan, has already been practising his impressions of her by singing her audition song I Dreamed A Dream to his celebrity friends.

Yeah, um, whatever you say starpulse.com, whatever you say. *pantomimes giving blow job* Regardless, I think it would be pretty awesome to live life as a village recluse, overcome personal insecurities, survive public ridicule and then win fame and stardom on a talent show, all just to have Robin Williams play you in a bio pic…especially if you’re a woman. Luckily for Boyle, I hear that the hairier an actors arms who play you in a bio pic, the more bangable you were in real life. I’m just saying…

-Chodin