08.07.09 WEEKEND PREVIEW: NO, JOE.

I like to call mine The Staff of Ra.
Or Pedro.

A character obsessed with Chekhov earns a special, limited edition “dismissive slow wank” from me

Wank ‘em right in the nuclear wessels!

A call mine a fucking dick. Cuz it’s a fucking dick.

I call my unit the Crimson Guard.

Don’t ask.

I call my unit Diction!

Around Kindergartens, I call my unit “The PlayPen”.

[looks at unit]
I dub thee, Richard the Layinhard.
[looks away from unit]

Lady Gaga has more meat than than the plot in G.I. Joe

With my unnatural fondness for both food and giant women you’ll find me in the very back row for Julia and Julia. Oh yes, satisfaction will be mine…

I call mine Deep Six.

What??

Looks like I’ve got another weekend of sniffing industrial solvents ahead of me.

I call my tool David Carradine. Cuz I choke it, and it spits then dies.

I Sell the Dead?

LET THE BODIES HIT THE BLACK MARKET!

Paper Heart

Are you sure this isn’t the movie about the chick with a recently repaired prolapsed anus who risks her life to prostitute to save the rec center?

Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich are on their honeymoon ? That just makes me sad.

I do want to see Paper Heart, but only because it’ll cover my rock lifestyle.

I don’t know about the casting on “I Sell the Dead.” Ron Perlman is perfect for both roles.

Toilet Paper Heart is gonna clean up at the box orifice.

Perfect Getaway needs a new title:

Steve “you don’t mess with the” Zahn is on a romantic honeymoon hike in Hawaii with his new wife when they encounter two other couples on the trail. Things aren’t quite what they seem as strange things begin to occur. After discovering anti wrinkle creams and a cellulite massager, he starts to suspect that his sexy young bride might actually be “Five Years Older” dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Alternate Titles: “Lying About Her Age” and “A Couple of Sagging Tits” were rejected by the studio.

The Perfect Getaway is telling the date who dragged you to this movie that you have to pee, then leaving the theater and going to a titty bar.

“I Sell the Dead”… wasn’t that a tagline for ACORN?

Dursting is half the battle.

8===D~;(

I saw a video of a dude sticking a screwdriver up his dickhole. The fuck’s up with that?

I think it makes you get drunk faster?

No SHIT!
[grabs toolbag and handle of Seagrams 7]
Partytime at my place!

I’ll bring my box wine.

Philips or flathead?

I meant the orange juice and vodka kind but whatever you prefer is cool with me.

Yeah, was reminded me of the Police Squad gag. If i was a masochist i’d go with the Philips. If i was the world’s worst children’s entertainer, i’d go with the flathead.

I call my unit “Chorizo con huevos”.

Who want’s breakfast in bed?

“What did you say your unit was called?”

I didn’t.

I call mine ThaiMex.

Because I’m multi-cultural and it takes a licking and keeps on dicking.

I call my units “metric”.

I hate showing up this late, I have no idea what we’re talking about.

Sometimes when it stays erect longer than four hours I like to call it The Sperminator.

Yeah, I like those metrics too.

If I was in Canada I’d have a 17.75 (okay, maybe a 15)

So do you guys think that Randy Johnson’s nickname might be a double entendre?

“I Didn’t” is a dumb name for your unit. I call mine “Not Me” because I loves me some Family Circus.

“Who ejaculated all over my dashboard?”
“Not Me!”

I call mine Unitard. ‘Cause it’s special.

Big Unit is pretty sweet. Also, I’ve never met a Randy Johnson that I didn’t like!

I call my unit “Incogneto”

I call my wife’s unit “Cogneto”

@noMo–”Big Unit is pretty sweet” is pretty surprising. I would have guessed old and sweaty.

I swear this is true.

I worked once with a guy whose real name was Richard Blower.

(He pronounced it Blauer though.)

I call my dick Kenny Loggins and my balls Hall & Oats.

Cause my love-making is like white men singing soul music. Awkward.

I swear this is true:

I worked with a girl named Pretti Bush.

She pronounced it Pretty Bush.

I worked with a guy named Schmidt Schmidt.

I used to work with a guy named John Anderson.

I pronounced it Dickface Faggotbitch.

I currently work with a guy named Dick Sagen.

If that was your name, wouldn’t you go by Richard or Rich or Rick and at least TRY to distract from the last name??

I worked with a woman who used her married last name of “Hore”.

I think I’d keep my maiden name, even if it was Heywoodjablowme.

[crappy stumbles in buck naked with a screwdriver up his dick hole and the handle of a hammer poking out of his ass]

I knew a dude named Mick Hunt. He went by Michael and I swear it was six months before I figured out the awesome joke his name was. Marijuana effects the mind. His name should have been Fucktard Asshole though.

I worked wit her too, Al.

She was pricey, but gave good head.