08.25.09 TWO JOHN LEGUIZAMOS? BE STILL MY HEART
Sorry if I just spoiled “The Dark Knight” for you.
The Ministers is yet another ”inspired by true events” crime story set in New York. That’s amazing. Almost no movie or TV show ever fits that descript–*record scratch* Two John Leguizamos? Okay, I’m listening . . .
John Leguizamo gives a tour-de-force performance as fanatical vigilante twins, hell-bent to exact revenge for the death of their parents and brother. But their plans become undone when one of the twins becomes involved with a beautiful police detective investigating a series of murders. [Ed.- Of course he does.] ”The Ministers” features Harvey Keitel [Ed.- Of course it does.], as senior detective Joe Bruno, who takes police detective Celeste Santana under his wing. [Ed.- Of course he does.] Celeste (played with deep emotional range by Florencia Lozano) links the recent murders with the murder of her police detective father. [Ed.- Of course she does.] Celeste’s investigation and the twins’ vigilante actions begin to converge. [Ed.- Of course they do.] Detective Santana is restrained by her chief, [Ed.- Of course she is.] Captain Diaz (Wanda De Jesus). But the will to solve these crimes and find the link to the death of her father is too great and leads to an inevitable confrontation with the twins. [Ed.- Of course it does.] [LatinoReview]
This movie is every cop drama ever, but with two John Leguizamos. I can’t handle it. I’m turning in my badge and my gun.
~ robopanda
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There are 27 comments about:
TWO JOHN LEGUIZAMOS? BE STILL MY HEART
Los Boondock Santos
My car is now twice as likely to get stolen.
Los Boondock Santos
Exactly, except Willem Dafoe’s character is a more attractive woman.
Vigilante twins are what I call fake boobs that are so hard they give me black eyes after a furious motorboating.
Harvey Keitel as the beautiful police detective. Bad, Bad, Lieutenant.
Two John Leguiazamosez will make this just slightly harder to ignore, but I’m still not gonna give it two ticks.
Now I’m twice as likely to get pregnant!
Dating female detective like dating stripper; She see nothing but scumbags all day so you look better by comparison. Also, be careful of issues with father.
Everybody knows that you don’t fuck with De Jesus.
So this is a Law and Order movie?
Well, if you’re going to do something that Lindsay Lohan has already done, playing twins in a movie is probably one of the safter choices you can make.
An invevitable confrontation with the Twins is only a bad thing if you’re the Royals.
Comedy ensues when one John Leguizamos has to go on a date with the Det. because the other one gets the clap and ends up butt fucking the detective in the other John’s car and he finds out because of the blood and feces all over his upolstery. HARHAR!
SPOILER ALERT:
The other twin gets romantically involved with Encyclopedia Brown and they start going by “The Priest and the Minister”.
Sibling rivalry ensues and they start fighting over which one of the two is the prime Minister.
They’re the Hardly Boys
In his triumphant comeback performance, Michael J. Fox in heavy makeup plays twin muslim vigilantes out for revenge for the murder of their family in ‘The Sheikhs’.
Now I’m twice as likely to not understand a fuckin word coming outta Leguizamo’s mouff.
I was watching Monsters Inside Me (hehe) and I swear Leguizamos was a parasite that eats your eyeball or something.
Hey swi, sure you’re not thinking about that mush mouthed goon del Toro?
Is he a spic too?
Sure then. Why not?
It’s Dosspicable
That might be my first epithet ever. I feel so close to you all now.
You kiss your baby with that mouth, chell?
Badder up.
How can I be sure it’s mine?
I once met Harvey Keitel at a driving range in New Jersey. I’m not sure how he feels about latinos, but let me say this: the man hates asians and will tell anyone who’ll listen.
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