TWILIGHT DIRECTOR MAKING… ‘HAML3T’.
08.31.09Catherine Hardwicke made Lords of Dogtown and Thirteen, which weren’t terrible, so it might be slightly unfair to label her “the director of Twilight.” Then again, she’s now making a Shakespeare movie with a number in the title. You can find her on MySpace under I♥RpattZ~RIPbiLLy$hak3zzz. And now, some sh’t that doesn’t seem real:
“It’s a modern-day film, set at a liberal-arts college where words matter — so people are careful and talk in beautiful language, and Hamlet tries to express himself through music,” Hardwicke explained recently, saying that her “Hamlet” reinterpretation will continue the filmmaker’s love affair with music [you like music? holy sh't, next you'll tell me you enjoy having fun, it's like we're soul mates! we're the most unique people in the world!] by combining the spirit of the legendary Nirvana frontman with the Bard. “So, we’re using some of the cooler Shakespeare language, in a musical way. [My Hamlet] is like an [aspiring] rock star. He’s got six people* that go to his performances, go to clubs and listen to him. It’s like an early Kurt Cobain.”
The idea is that Emile Hirsch’s take on the character will blend a unique mix of music, sincerity and Shakespearean prose to re-envision the 400-year-old character not as a vengeful prince, but as a credibility-sensitive indie musician attending a school like Berklee. [MTV via ThePlaylist]
On the one hand, this idea sounds so lame and pretentious that it might as well be wearing white Ray-Bans. On the other, Hamlet was kind of a whiney emo-pussy to begin with. And, and I know this is neither here nor there, but I’ve been started to see a lot of people in my neighborhood carrying around ukuleles. Is that, like, the new hipster thing? Does switching to an even smaller, more annoying instrument make it easier to pull out at inopportune times? God I hate you trust-fund hippies so much.
*…they like all his pretty songs, like to sing along, don’t know what it means, etc.


2B or not 2B?!?!!??
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are high ?
*shakes spear
AAAAAIIIGHGHGHGHGH
Tell your ukulele carrying hipster neighbors that you’ve got something you’d like to tiptoe through their two lips.
Even Baz luhrmann thinks this is gay.
Hamlet was 30 years old.
I like turtles.
Alas, poor Novoselic ! You can play bass ?
See you guys later. I have to go measure a deck.
I said deck.
Frailty, thy name is Haml3t!
Movie most foul.
Did you quit your job for one in architecture?
I imagine Hamlet as very fetching, he was a great Dane after all.
Haml3t wears a scarf or I’ll eat a 6-pack of PBR.
“Alas, poor Ulrich, I knew him, Horatio…”
…or, you know, let
OpheliaCourtney Love have that line: “Alas, Lars Ulrich, I blew him (fellatio)…”If Shakespeare was Black, would he be Chuckspeare?
O, that this too too solid flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew.
Ah the great bard, loftier words for jerking off I’ve ne’er heard.
“Whether tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the sligns and arrows
of outrageous fortune
Or rather to jam the barrels
of this shotgun beside thine temple
and wiggle thine largest toe
against the trigger.”
a Hamlet re-imagining set at a liberal arts college????
Be thou unfamiliar, and by all means vulgar.
CATHERINE HARDWICK KILLS DUMBLEDOR!!
[turns give-a-fuck dial down to, Rather Motorboat Larry the Cable Guy's Festering Shit Smeared Asscrack Than Watch This Bullshit]
Haml3t: Nevermind.
Gawd! I wish I knew the #1 Rule to Building Muscle…
Where can I find info on this?!
The ass-play is the thing in which I’ll catch the conscience of the king.
I once got killed in Halo by some kid named H4ML337. He then teabagged my dead body while screaming ET TU BRUTE SHOT?
I spent the rest of the match hunting only him.
This idea should have nixed in utero.
Someone hold these people down while I pour poison in their ears.
Fantastic. I thought I only came back from lunch hammered. Apparently I also came back from lunch and entered the Twilight Zone.
“but as a credibility-sensitive indie musician attending a school like Berklee”
Isn’t it Berkeley? Nevermind, and fuck the Twilight Zone reference because it accidentally references that gay Stephenie Meyer thing. Replace with “Outer Limits”.
Berklee school of music is different than UC Berkeley.
You guys with your fancy schools. Way to out me as a Canadian, jerk.
It’s okay, Al, he probably thinks McGill is a brand of fish sticks.
I went to Moosejaw Tech.
I went to Moosepaw High.
There’s no way I’d go near it sober.
Wait. Emile Hirsch? What a horrible miscast. There is only one man that can play Hamlet in this movie.
Poor poor Baby Goose. :(
To pee or not to pee. That is my prostate’s question.
Haml3t: Definitely a tragedy
So skull fucking is art now?
/calls public defender
“Hey, guess what!”