Steven Spielberg, who once rocked the world’s nuts off with dinosaurs and Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park, has optioned another Michael Crichton property, his unfinished, posthumously published pirate novel, Pirate Latitudes, “an adventure story set off the coast of Jamaica in 1665.” 
Spielberg plans to produce and is considering directing. DreamWorks Studios describes the novel as the story of “a daring plan to infiltrate Port Royal, one of the world’s richest and most notorious cities, and raid a Spanish galleon filled with treasure.”
[Dreamworks CEO Stacy] Snider says [Pirate Latitudes and Pirates of the Caribbean] won’t clash because Pirate Latitudes will be more grounded in reality, as opposed to the supernatural fantasy of the Disney films. [USA Today]
What, no dancing ghosts and Johnny Depp in makeup? How could such a pirate movie possibly hope to entertain me? Anyway, no word yet on possible casting, but upon hearing the news, Matthew McConnaughey coughed up some bong smoke and said, “A galleon filled with treasure? Say man, I like the sound a that,” then zoned out for a while and played the bongos.
I’m attaching this solely for the laugh from the 10 – 17 second mark.
RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s your favorite Michael Crichton book-movie?
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Pirate Latitudes will be more grounded in reality
Pirates hate when you use the word “grounded”.
If they’re not going to have magic, can they at least add back in the rape?
Ahh, fuck. I just heard Jimmy Buffett firing up his sea plane. Gertrude, hide the damn blender and lock the shed doors!
Pirates are for white kids who are too fucking poor to think about panda bears.
So what do they call Port Royale in America? Port Quarter Pounder?
Hidden behind one of Michael Crichton’s portraits is a wall safe with a 3/4 finished story about a gay ninja.
Pirate latitudes make me look fat.
Fuck that, I dont want to watch ugly guys die of scurvy and syphilis. I would just go to a family reunion for that.
So, if this ride breaks down, the Pirates WILL eat the tourists. WAHAHAHA FUCK YOU MALCOLM!
After he finishes working on his Pirate Lats, he will go for Pirate glutes.
SPOILER ALERT:
18 degrees North.
Banner pic: before the operation, her pirate name was ‘The Plank’.
Q: What’s the distance between Jamaica and Port Royal?
A: Farrrrgh
Pirate Platitutes:
An arr for an arr makes whole world blind.
Life hand you lemons, you no get scurvy.
Broken wind not only bad for sailing.
I think a great joke would be to tell the movie ticket guy I left my doubloons in my other pants when he asks for money. Then flood the ticket booth with gasoline from a hose hidden in my sleeve and light him on fire.
Snider says [Pirate Latitudes and Pirates of the Caribbean] won’t clash because Pirate Latitudes
will be more grounded in realitywill have an all-male cast. Sorry Orlando, Bloom.I’ve always fancied myself a bit of a pirate (the syphilitic insanity part anyways).
Why be pirates pirates ? Because they AARGHH !
Ho, Ho , the neighborhood kids do love me on the patio at Dairy Queen.
I have no idea why I just apologized to a city in florida and a childrens book author.
Fuck you, commas!
This sounds better than the Edith Wharton version Pirate Lassitudes That shit was depressing
Nobody in the city of Pittsburgh will go see this.
There’s only two types of women I date:
1) Those who pose in faux-arrest pictures with police officers.
2) Those who dress as pirate whores for Halloween
Respectively, I get a lot of AIDS.
Dan Rosen describes this book as “1hen Harry Met Sally with swords.”
Oski: This sounds awesome, why is everybody copping a Pirate Attitude?
Dr. Malcolm: Heh heh heh owww heh heh heh owww ha ha ha ha…BOOM! Chaos Theory.
I am fairly sure that those are not the only crossed swords her tits have seen.
Isn’t Port Royal the same place PotC took place?
So it’s the same setting, same port, same Carribean, but I trust Spielberg, it’ll be completely different cursed zombie ghost pirates…
A Port Royale-set comedy centered around three Pirates who lose their about-to-be-wed buddy during their drunken misadventures, then must retrace their steps in order to find him.