SITE NEWS: DADDY’S HOME!
08.26.09Hey, kids! Vince here. I’m back from my vacation and happy to report that the Russian whores legless cat shelter is doing much better, thanks to me, and now I’m ready to bring the heat! Ow, it burns. Hopefully this topical cream and collection of exotic suppositories can clear that up. Anyway, you were probably so busy eating cotton candy and riding the merry-go-round with Robopanda and Chodin this past week that you barely even missed me… but it feels good to have me back, right? I mean, I know I’m never there for you and I constantly drink, but no one cooks it up quite like your dear old dad, right? …Oh yeah? And I guess 17 is too old to enjoy hot dog and Funion sandwiches then, eh Mr. Big Shot? Whatever. I should’ve known you’d just be some bullsh*t hassle. And your mom wonders why I never pay child support. If you need me, I’ll be in the van with Darla. Here’s a couple bucks for video games or glue bags to huff or whatever ungrateful little punks do for fun these days.


Do you like what we’ve done with the place? We had Raoul Duke and Doctor Gonzo redecorate for you. Crapbasket added a few flourishes of his own, but you’ll need one of those CSI blacklight thingies to really appreciate everything.
Does this mean no more staying up late with Uncle Chodin and Uncle Robopanda watching movies starring hairy men and licking peanut butter off each other?
were you gone?
I missed your musk.
We used lots of racial slurs while you were gone, just the way you like.
Since you’ve been gone, I can breathe for the first time.
I’ve saved all my spent tissues that you caused scoundrel.
Yeah…those are tears, why do ask?
(Påüłÿ wasn’t joking. It’s quite overpowering…)
Qaplah, Lince! The mighty Feklahr got laid on His vacation, how about you, autonomous gratification master?
I didn’t even notice anything different. but i haven’t been around much because i have a new girlfriend and you know how the first couple of months go in those. i’ll be back around more often after the sex gets old in another month.