R.I.P. JOHN HUGHES
08.06.09
Jeez, I leave for 10 minutes to walk the dog (masturbate) and I come back and now John Hughes is dead? What the hell.
The 59-year-old was taking a morning walk in New York when he went into cardiac arrest, according to Michelle Bega. He was in Manhattan visiting his family. [BBC]
John Hughes was the man responsible for:
- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
- Uncle Buck
- Planes, Trains & Automobiles
- The Breakfast Club
- Weird Science
- Sixteen Candles
…among other things. I’d venture to guess I’ve seen Ferris Bueller roughly 600 times, and spent much of my childhood trying to be that cool. I often wake up thanking God I had Ferris Bueller (a hero of a high school movie who was witty and popular, imagine that!) to emulate and not… who the hell do kids even idolize these days? Zac Efron? Shia LaBeouf? Stifler? I don’t even know. Bottom line, he will be missed. Death is a cruel bastard who never takes the ones who deserve it, like Danny Masterson.
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Bummer. Long Duk Dong was the last great Asian caricature. If you don’t count Jackie Chan.
R.I.P. Molly Ringwald’s hopes for a comeback.
*Puts bra on head, pours out Boone’s Farm*
John Hughes… Dead at 59 Candles
Every time Vince masturbates, God kills a respected director.
You’re no yanky my wanky right? For real. Dang.
John Hughes defined my sense of humor growing up, then drugs, reality and MTV transmogrified that sense into what is before you today.
At least he could have died in some freakish sex act, like getting horse fucked in Montana or something funny. Not dropping dead in Manhattan of a heart attack.
But seriously, I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes while Vince was masturbating trying to find a current picture of Michael Schoeffling and got nothing. Definitely old, fat and bald.
… and he was 24 when he played the 17-yr old Jake Ryan. Hence my inherent penchant for boys.
It all makes sense now.
Not to mention the Vacation movies. God damn, he was awesome. This sucks.
And the Summer of Death rolls on….
Old news. They even made a movie about it & everything. Crazy old rich dude made a wooden airplane, tittybanged Jane Russell and wore a diaper.
Two little words: Curly fucking Sue
Rot in Hell, evil demon who possessed John Hughes some time in the late ’80s!
John Hughes, we hardly knew ya. You made us laugh, you made us cry, you gave chicks some movies they could quote. You gave us Ferris Bueller, and John Bender, but most of all you gave us Chet Donnelly. A man who knows the difference between a nuclear missile and a whales dick, a claim few men can boast.
the man responsible for chet donnelly is bill paxton. john hughes merely allowed him to spread his wings and fly. and then shit on everyone from up high.
Les jeux sont faits.
I’m still gonna shoot him in the ass.
He’s not dead, he just can’t think of anything good to do.
….you’re gonna have to produce a body.
Poor guy, probably kept up for a mile or so.
This was his ninth cardiac arrest. If he were to go for ten, he’d probably have to barf up a lung.
You have reached the Cawthorne Brothers mortuary. We are deeply sorry we are unable to come to the phone right now, but if you will leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as inhumanly possible.
Hughes died of cardiac arrest when he was taking a walk through the woods and a Ferrari crashed through a plate glass window,landing on him.
Before he died, a pedestrian overheard Hughes saying that GOD told him to “FLOAT UP, JOHNNY!”
When reached for comment, a tearful Chet Donnelly said, “That donkey-dick is getting laid in a morgue!”
…There’s always barber college.
Whoops to early.
But not responsible for Real Genius. If bloated Val Kilmer doesn’t care, how then can I ?
Maybe it was for the best. I mean, after the stellar heights of Dennis the Menace, the Beethoven saga and Maid In Manhattan, he was always going to struggle trying to top himself.
Luckily, he didn’t have to!
Hmmm … “top himself” … Drillbit Taylor was his last gig … holy fuckoli!
Owen Wilson killed John Hughes!
After the Funeral, a ghost will possess Hughes’s corpse, get naked, and run while twisting in a circle with a full boner making helicopter sounds while the Star Wars Theme plays.
He’ll return it before anyone notices
the turkey slap bruises on all the kids cheeks.Hughes next project will be Decomposing with Moldy Corpseworm.
Judd Nelson ended his eulogy with “Hey, smoke up Johnny!”
Great. I’ll never find out the end of that joke now.
“who the hell do kids even idolize these days?”
El Topo, esé.
“Jeez, I leave for 10 minutes to walk the dog (masturbate) and I come back and now John Hughes is dead?”
Gee Vince,
You sure seem concerned over the loss of one writer/director compared to the holocaust of slow death by dehydration that you brazenly put hundreds of thousands of your own biological descendents to on your stomach.
Strangely enough though, Edmund Dantes still lives and is in the middle of a rewrite of Beethoven’s Giant Shit Pile of Hilarity
Let’s not forget, him and his brother directed Menace II Society and Dead Presidents.
I forget, was he the one that punched by 2Pac on the set of Menace?
He panicked and went into cardiac arrest after Larry Lester taped his buns together.
His passing is terribly depressing, but I think we can all agree that Hughes left a wonderful legacy of Jennifer Connelly riding a mechanical horse. Also, he apparently made some other movies or something.
[ties Hughes's corpse to the top of his station wagon]
Upon leaving the funeral home and being placed in the hearse Hughes’ corpse is heard from within the coffin,
“Gimme, gimme the keys Lisa! I kin drive!”
And yet, Amy Winehouse still lives.
Awkward Attempts at Catchy John Hughes Headlines:
“Hughes Showering in His Underwear … In Heaven”
“Hughes Crashing God’s Ferrari”
“Hughes Punched in the Dick By Angels”