RAMPAGE JACKSON AS B.A. BARACUS?
08.26.09
GeekTyrant and other sites are reporting (the original story apparently came from the notoriously full of sh’t Sun) that Rampage Jackson has been cast as B.A. Baracus in Joe Carnahan’s A-Team movie (which, though I hate to burst your bubble, is going to suck). It would make a lot of sense, in that Rampage Jackson is a big black guy who beats people up.
Most recently Jackson has been filming The Ultimate Fighter Season 10 in which he coaches opposite Rashad Evans. The Sun reports that he beat out 50 Cent, The Game, Tyrese Gibson, and Ice Cube for the role after he impressed film bosses with his “charismatic audition”. And by “charisma” I imagine they mean “dry humping.” (see videos below). In my apartment and/or crawl space, that also counts as “foreplay.”
Jackson will supposedly star opposite Liam Neeson as Hannibal and Brad Cooper as Faceman Peck (though I don’t believe either of those have been confirmed outside of the Sun, either). Reached for comment, an out-of-work black actor said, “So, you decided to cast an athlete and not a rapper this time, huh? That’s awesome, I’m glad I went to Juiliard. Anyhoo, I’m gonna head down to TBS to see if Tyler Perry’s new show is hiring, you a-holes.”
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This is the greatest idea since Dragonball Evolution.
If they were looking for a big black guy who beats people up, why not cast Mike Tyson as BA Baracuth?
*studio exec picks up ringing phone*
Studio Exec: “Yeah, it’s Michael Richards you guys. He says he really wants to help us cast this African American guy in chains.”
Why they didn’t cast Sam Jackson is beyond me. His dislike of flying could be explained by one thing: motherfucking snakes on motherfucking planes.
My Son is notoriously full of shit too.
*checks wallet again*
B.A. Baracus and Rampage Jackson are flight risks for different reasons.
So B.A. now stands for Barrelingthroughthestreetsinahighspeedchase’causingallkindsofvehicledamage Andcausingapregnantladytohaveamiscarriage?
I can’t wait to see this vannin’ on the big screen.
I’d still rather take part in another gay orgy with my old J.V. team, than buy a ticket to the new A-Team.
But, what kind of mural will be painted on the van?
“Congratulations, Mrs. Jackson – it’s a boy! What’s his name?”
“Gee, we really thought it was going to be a girl, but I guess the name we picked out works either way…”
Mr. T… Rampage Jackson… If you ask me, neither of them would know the first thing about a B.A.
*takes tug from ivory pipe, reads classifieds*
I’m confused…I keep googling the acronym for “A Team Movie”, but all I get are these amazing production stills. Are they already filming?
I love it when a plan comes together… about the last words I want to hear from four dudes cruising around in a van.
Rampage is a vicious loon, so if he’s going to be on a team, I just hope it’s my team.
They could get Forest Griffin to play Murdoch. I mean, he and B.A. were always fighting. Besides, Silva recently knocked him silly, so that should help.
Things I learned from the A-Team:
-Corrugated sheet metal can stop .223 rounds.
-Shooting cabbages out of a big tube at machine gun wielding thugs will scare them all away, yay!
-Insane shit eating lunatics make the best helicopter pilots.
-If you are attacked by a gang of mercinaries armed with M-16′s just shoot at their feet. They’ll get tired of dancing and run away! Huzah!
-Vans can fly.
They were called mercinaries in the ’80′s.
chelle0 and her other chef friends are part of a top secret squad who respond to culinary disasters. They call themselves “The Flay Team.”
*quickly calls FoodNetwork to pitch the idea*
After Baracus was put on Cymbala by his psychotherapist he was forced to drop the B.A. from his moniker and irritated the rest of the team by stopping to hug every puppy and child he came across.
R. Kelly can play P. P. Baracus.
Joaqin Phoenix will be playing B.O. Baracus.
NO, NO – I meant to say the attic-hiding criminal will be playing B.O. Blah blah
It always bothered my that this Colonel guy was tear assing trough the country trying to catch the A-Team. It is a clear violation of the writ of pussay cumitanus that military personnel would be… hmm, wasat?… ah, posse comitatus… nevermind.
The big black guy that actually does any killing will be O.J. Baracus.
Train up!