As I reported a few minutes ago, Nu Image/Millenium is making Rambo 5 about Rambo tracking down some kidnappers. Not to be outdone (by themselves!), Nu Image/Millenium is also making a movie about Nic Cage tracking down some kidnappers. “…what I do have is a particular set of skills, and the most ridiculous haircut in the world.”
Nic Cage has signed to star in “Drive Angry,” a 3D revenge action movie that Patrick Lussier will direct for Nu Image/Millenium Films. [See also: "Don't drive angry.."]
Patrick Lussier is the guy who did My Bloody Valentine 3-D, so you can bet this will be a real think-piece about dyslexic Holocaust victims.
Written by Lussier and Todd Farmer, the story centers on a man (Cage) driven by rage who is chasing the people who killed his daughter and kidnapped her baby. The vendetta/rescue spins out of control as the chase gets bloodier by the mile, leaving bodies strewn along the highway. [THR]
So Nic Cage drives a car, you see, while being driven himself by rage. It’s like a meta French Connection, a Ronin set within the architecture of the human mind set within a giant forehead. Though I’m not sure if Nic Cage will be able to pull off screaming and being agitated, it seems like such a “stretch.” (*wank motion*)
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I don’t care what the title is, I’m calling this movie “Road Cage”.
It’s only a matter of time before Hollywood actually makes Homeless Dad. As a bad action flick.
“I JUST WANT MY KIDS BACK! [guitar riff/explosion]“
That’s right, Nic Cage is playing an angry *grandfather* in this shit.
/I, for one, would get off his lawn.
He wants his daughter’s baby back baby back baby back.
Grandpa Nic Cage gives you hard candy, a $12 birthday check . . . and rough justice.
THE G’S! THE G’SSSSSSSSSS
Rage is like bad cabbie; only knows one destination and is inconsiderate to passengers.
Put mah baybeh back in the box
@ Patty Boots – I love you for the Arrested Development reference.
3D? pffft, 4D or nothing, for me
A car driven by a man. A man driven by rage. A studio driven by idiots…
The chase goes on forever because cage is driving the new Volvo with the automatic avoidance assist. Every time he tries to run them off the road that fucking car hits the brakes.
He’s even angrier that his name is Asswipe Johnson.
I used to drive Angry all the time. Then my mother in-law had a stroke. Now I drive Drooly.
“Son, you got a set of hands on yo’ head.”
Man who drive with rage arrive with ulcer.
<== production still from the set
Nic Cage in 3D. You can almost taste the forehead.
10-1 odds the tagline is The Ragin Cage in ANGRY DRIVE!!!
This is only acceptable if it leads to a Karate Kid-esque movie in which Clint Eastwood plays the mentor and Nic Cage plays the cranky old man.
Call it Space Cowboys 2. Whatever.
Drive Ang Ree? This like Driving Miss Daisy but about some zipper head director’s chauffeur?
When The Mighty Feklahr ‘bates it, He often refers to it as Five Angry!
Hive Angry!
NOT THE BEEEEES!!!
Since it will be in 3-D, they will also be showing a featurette during close-ups on Nic’s forehead.
Terance Howard in Jive Angry?
WHEN WILL THIS LIGHT TURN? WHEN WILL THIS LIGHT TURN?
If you drive angry, it just increases the chance of you shanking it into the rough. That’s why you drive drunk.
Drive Ang Lee?
Oscar nominations in bound when two hulking green men fall in love.
I haven’t shanked it in the rough in forever… so lonely…
DJ AM in Not Alive Angry? What? Too soon ?
The female AM DJ on the local rock station has a voice I’d like to make sweet angry punchy love to.
It’s times like these that I wish Jack Lemmon and Walther Matthau were still alive so we could get some angry tag team car porn.
Me and your mom in Muff Dive Angry!
DNA, aren’t you ever concerned that Nic Cage will round up his vannin’ convoy and come looking for you?
Then again, the thought of Nic Cage trying to drive a van painted up to look like Marlon Brando from the first Superman movie through NYC traffic is rather amusing.
“It’s Jor-El, motherfucker! You want some of this forehead? Oh, uh, you seen some Italian guy around here?”
I’m certain that the first minute of this movie will have me gone in 60 seconds.
Banner pic: Nick Cage trying to describe DDD’s.