08.13.09 NEVERENDING STORY VAN PEOPLE ARE STILL MAD
They won’t… stop responding….
Well, folks, the van people from yesterday are back, and this time it looks like we’ve got the male to deal with. First the wife threatens me with a defremation of charachter suit, and now the husband’s claiming defermation of character! (And FYI, I’m not 100% convinced this isn’t a hoax either, but if it is, the hoaxer did their homework really really well.) Here’s what “Rooster” aka Story had to say.
Story says: So smartass. You say you made a few jokes about rape and molestation. What world do you come from where that is funny. Do you have a sister, wife,kids. Would it be funny if it happened to them Dont think so, so first, its not a joke. 2nd assuming my van is that type of van and that I am is outrageously sick in your mind. We customize our vans and use themes that we like. Theres a Star Wars van, A Pirates of the Carribean van, a Scooby Doo Van, etc. So WTF, we’re all molestors? That mural cost $10,000 and this is my hobby. I built it and had it painted, and has won more show trophys than I care to count.Its not a molestor van. Would it be that obvious. I’m the secreatary of The New England Van Council, and we promote vannin. So to attack 1 your attacking us all. This site was found by a friend searching for vans. Hello it popped up. So anyway, enough with you guy who have nothing better to do than to bash people, posting that I’m a molestor and rapist and youd eat your hat if I wasn’t, get ready to eat it, cause I’m looking into a defermation of character suit. This is our life. If you like the van or not, you have no right to attack my reputation and all of you joking about rape and molestors. My opinion, they all should be shot by the families of the victims. What if my van was seen by one of these victims and they read your opinion about it. My life and van could be in jepordy. Those 2 subjects are no joking matter.
Owner of the van
To respond: First of all, Story, as I thought I took great pains to illustrate all along, I don’t think all vanners are child molestors (though let’s be honest, a couple of you probably are, just by law of averages). Nonetheless, as I’ve said all along, I have no evidence of that, and according to a recent study by the National Academy of Science & Maths, Vannin enthusiasts exhibited rates of molestation comparable or lower to that of devotees of truckin, noodlin, and wrasslin. And to answer your question (at least, I assume it was a question, it’s a little hard to tell, seeing as you tend to eschew question marks — a bold stylistic move, I might add): I do like the van. I can only imagine all the hot tail I’d pull in that van, but alas, all I have is this bus pass and lifelike vagina replica made of rubber. See these? :-( :-( :-( These are the frownies of envy.
No sarcasm, I swear. But in regards to your possible defermation of character suit, I consulted my attorney, Chadwick H. Farthouse, esq., of the firm Twatsworth, Farthouse & Balsmyer, and he advised me that my speech is protected from all such accusations, be it defremation of character, defenestration of coriander, deception of colander, or deprecation of costumature. I never attacked, nor meant to attack your reputation, and as far as I was concerned, your only reputation was for having an awesome van. I agree with you that child molesters and rapists should be treated harshly, and as for the victims, if they saw your van and had read my opinion on it, well, I would advise them to DRINK IT IN. After all, what better way to recapture that TWINKLE, that childlike sense of WONDER that can so often be RAPED or MOLESTED away, than to gaze upon the MAJESTY that is a lovingly rendered van mural of The Neverending Story? Nay. Breathe easy, good sir, for we are in agreement. A world where non-molesters could help molestees recapture their lost innocence through shared appreciation of movie-related van murals would truly be, as your license plate so succinctly puts it, “Heavan.”
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/FredSharon-TigerWoods-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/starwars-rapevan-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/new-a-team-van2-150x150.jpg)
There are 259 comments about:
NEVERENDING STORY VAN PEOPLE ARE STILL MAD
Ceci n’est pas un fourgon. This is a motherfucking van:
http://www.funpeak.com/funnypics/yellow-cat-van.jpg
A Pirates of the CarribeVan?
That makes me want to shit on a dead man’s chest.
I wish Tron Man had a van.
What if my van was seen by one of these victims
“That’s the one, officer! That’s where I lost my innocence!”
Tron Guy did have a van but I think he had to sell it with the plane :(
Man who work on van this much have many solutions to problems with tranny.
“My life and van could be in jepordy. Those 2 subjects are no joking matter.”
I want that embroidered on a royal blue satin jacket in yellow stitching.
I’m the “secreatary” of The New England Make Fun Of People That Have Nothing Better To Do With Ten Grand Council.
I fell asleep in that thing for 20 years and have no memory of what happened. Call me Rip Van Winkle.
Fuckin’ stupid fingers. That was supposed to be Rape Van Winkle.
I shudder to think what motif Joe “Smut” Menge rolls with.
I think that $10,000 would have been better spent on some book learnin’.
If he had done an A-Team van, I would have never have deferamed him.
Did I just commit deoxyribonucleic acid of cartouche?
Is that him? Is that Story in the picture on the left? If so, we need not focus on the van. That mustache is clearly a molester ’stache.
That van gets 30 rapes per gallon highway.
Is that thing fuel-injected? I wouldn’t want to commit any denigration of carburetor.
Baby Goose was gonna make a van but there wasn’t enough room for all of his favorite animals and it was too hard to choose who to leave out.
Man, this whole thing is turning into a neverending story
WHACKETY SCHMACKETY CORNER!
“What if my van was seen by one of these victims”
I’m sure the rufie filled candys took care of that problem.
You say you made a few jokes about rape and molestation. What world do you come from where that is funny.
Umm… the first world?
Look, I don’t wanna defermate any more than I have too ,but if you are a slightly overweight girl, and you see a guy with his arm in a sling trying to get a couch into the back of this van, just walk away.
Jokes about rape and molestation are not funny at all.
Jokes about rape, molestation, and VANS… now that’s funny.
“Do you have a sister, wife,kids.”
I can see the wife and kids, but fucking your sister too? That’s AWESOME!
Story sounds like a guy who loves a little defecation on characters.
If you want to spend $10,000 on something that needs to be waxed that often, I suggest you get yourself a high-end call girl.
For a van such as that one, I hope Rooster has a car alarm, Lo-jack, and Amber alert.
We’re gonna be doing one thing and one thing only… promotin’ vannin’. You probably heard we ain’t in the rapin’ business; we in the promotin’ vannin’ business. And cousin, Business is a-boomin’.
I think I’ve unraveled this mystery. Yessir.
“Do you have a sister, wife,kids. Would it be funny if it happened to them”
No Story I would not. But if he was dressed as a clown at the time…
I like the Cheech N’ Chong themed one with the license plate that says HEADVAN.
Does it make me a loser if I just thought of an awesome way to improve the van?
I’m just saying that it might be cool if he put in a NOS system and had the purge valves come out of the Luck Dragon’s nose.
Anyone? No? …. damn it.
Before we judge him, he wants us all to walk a mile in his shoes. Please, put on his shoes and walk in a random direction. That makes it much harder for the police to track down the location of the unmarked grave.
With $10,000 you could do ALL of the following:
Give 32 rape victims in Zimbabwe emergency services, food, shelter, and counseling.
Supply 500 people with clean water for a year
Protect 50 children from diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus, polio, measles, childhood tuberculosis, hepatitis B, Haemophilus influenzae type b, and Vitamin A deficiency
Provide 2 free cleft palate surgeries
Give free room and board for a year to 30 college students in The Democratic Republic of the Congo
Give free school lunches for a year to 30 kids in Niger.
Pay for 10 years of antiretroviral drugs for a child with HIV/AIDS in Kenya
Buy enough misoprostol to stop fatal post-childbirth hemorrhages in 900 women Tanzania. 900 fewer motherless infants in this world.
Buy and distribute 100 malaria nets in Rwanda.
With enough left over to give your wife 10 years worth of birth control pills (please).
In summation, van guy, blow it out your ass.
Walk a mile in his shoes? I think he meant drive a mile in his van. It’s not so easy with all those lights and sirens blaring behind you.
I’ve got a wife and kids and I’d feel terrible if they got raped or molested but I’ve taught them better than that.
Don’t talk to strangers, don’t take candy from strangers, don’t get in rape vans.
So, there’s a van painted to look like the Mystery Mobile? Or is it a van painted with a mural of Scooby Doo chracatures? Or is it a van painted with pictures of the Mystery Mobile? Isn’t that like picture of a picture? GRRRR, WHAT IS IT?! Fuck these Vanthusiasts.
You got pwned by a secreatary!!
Star Wars: Episode Se-VAN! POW!
And you best be careful, the Vanners will get together and do a march on filmdrunk headquarters. They just need to find out which Starbucks you’ll be in that day.
Did you hear about the guy with the Aliens themed van? He got busted smuggling illegals across the border.
I cut off my ears out of dedication and love for my van. My name is Vincent Van Gogh
Robo,free sex for you, you wonderful bastard
Nah, IHOP got wireless a while back. He said Starbucks was too fancy.
You can read all about this amazing story in VANity Fair
He could do a Partridge Family themed van and call himself “Vanny Bonadouchey”.
I got an Uncle Buck themed van. Candy always brings the kids in.
Go easy on him guys. He’s just pissed that he spent all that money painting the sweet, glorious bait on the side of the van, and now none of the kids know what the fuck The Neverending Story is.
They kicked the guy with the Chronicles of Narnia van out of the club because they were confused as to why he kept stopping after getting on the radio and yelling “ASLAN’S ON THE MOVE!”
Look “Owner of the Van”, if thats your real name…
We’ll stop making fun of you if you stop raping little girls/boys okay? That’ll make us eVAN steVAN.
I’m starting to suspect that this is all just a complex ARG for an upcoming Brett Ratner-directed Neverending Story reboot. Angel Paul Bettany, save us all.
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