Usually Robert Rodriguez is pretty uncreative when he’s casting a movie. “Eh, I’ll just stick my slutty girlfriend in it,” he’s fond of saying. But Variety recently reported on the actors in line for Machete, which began production this week, and it’s like all my most feverish coma fantasies come true!
- Danny Trejo
- Robert De Niro
- Jessica Alba
- Michelle Rodriguez
- Steven Seagal
- Lindsay Lohan
- Don Johnson
- Cheech Marin
- Jeff Fahey
I don’t know how they ever got insured — with Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez on the same set, they’ll have enough Latin machismo to power 1000 lowriders. I also hear that craft services won’t be offering any food, just cigarettes and Eagles records.
(NSFW for brief nudity at 1:41 – 1:45)
TAGS: DANNY TREJO, JESSICA ALBA, LINDSAY LOHAN, MICHELLE RODGRIGUEZ, ROBERT DENIRO, ROBERT RODRIGUEZ
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LINDSAY LOHAN JOINS DE NIRO, STEVEN SEAGAL
Like in a circuit, right? Only question, which one is in her mouth and which is in her ass?
If there is not a death on this set, I will consider this movie a failure.
they’ll have enough Latin machismo to power 1000 lowriders
Or 5,000 lawn mowers…
Needs more Treat Williams.
what Michael Madsen’s phone was busy?
No one in His family got Him that Trejo shirt He wanted for Christmas. *sniffle*
}}:*(
Danny Trejo is gonna quickly find out that “gato roja es no buena”
Lohan only answered an ad for a coke mule not knowing it was a casting call.
“I don’t know how they ever got insured — with Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez on the same set”
What’s this thing I keep hearing about called “insurance”?
I suppose keeping this group confined to one set will put less of a strain on their parole officers.
Why would Lindsay be in a movie named after a blade?
After all, she hates cut in her coke.
Pussy ass knives can’t even cut through the strings holding them to that jacket. Pfft!
Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan = Tre Hos
The buzz about this movie was generated by the collection of ankle monitors on-set.
Rodriguez: Look, man. I only need to know one thing: where the cameras are.
Trejo: Go, Rodriguez. Kick ass.
Rodriguez: Anytime, anywhere, man!
Lohan: Right, right. I said I was doing “Machete soon” and she thought I talking about my “sweaty poon” and signed up!
<== Also hates cut coke
At this point, I’m getting the idea that this might just be a staged intervention.
Would you say he has a “plethora” of actors Lance?
MICHELLE & LINDSAY BOTH FUCKING LOVE TACOS!!!!
Jeff Fahey…?
Fucking Lawnmower Man?!?
BANNER PIC:
If I’m not mistaken, one of the knives in his right jacket pocket is a cake knife. Who is Machete going after, Chucky Cheese?
They fucked with the wrong Mexican!
And fucked the wrong starlet!
If I’m not mistaken, one of the knives in his right jacket pocket is a cake knife.
Happy birffday to ju, mang.
mokee, Chucky stole the queso, now he gets the cuchillo.
Those aren’t fireballs, he just ate a burrito.
So let me get this straight. We got a Nash Bridges Reunion. A Heat Reunion. A “I Was In A Shitty Movie With Paul Walker” Reunion. A Glimmer Man. A Lawnmower Man. And a GoDownOnAny Man.
Pictured: Trejo gets caught stealing the silverware from an Outback.
Hey, Steven Seagal doesn’t go down on just any man.
“I’ll just stick my slutty girlfriend in it,” is what I said about my wood chipper.
I fucked with the wrong Mexican once and also got shot.
With penicillin!
/rimshot/
“Jesus, man, can you change the station? I’ve had a really rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.”
I find that the best Mexican Assassins are at Lowes and not at the Home Depot.
Wow, two LOST alums on the same movie?
If Trejo doesn’t kill them, Blowhan’s STD’s will.