This is the red-band trailer for Legion, starring Paul Bettany, Charles S. Dutton (who has actually killed a man), Dennis Quaid, and Adrienne Palicki. It was directed by Scott Stewart, co-founder of the FX company The Orphanage, which has an amazingly solid track record. It opens looking pretty cool, but then it flashes the Screen Gems logo and I’m like, “Uh oh,” because most Screen Gems movie are old smelly ox cock. But if I’m honest, I have to admit I almost pissed myself in terror a couple times during this. Towards the end, an old lady comes in Roc’s restaurant and she’s all like, “Your baby’s gonna burn,” and everyone’s like, “What?” and then OH MY GOD SHE BIT THAT GUY ON THE NECK KILL IT WITH FIRE KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
After God loses faith in humanity, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) is the only one standing between mankind and the apocalypse. He leads a group of strangers who must protect a woman who is pregnant with Christ in his second coming.
It’s post apocalyptic… because God hates you. Nice. I like the twist. And it’s been a long time since a trailer ripped my face off and effed the nostril hole like this one. Legion, rated P for pants sh*tting.
[via /Film]
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It was directed by Scott Stewart…
Fo shizzle!
The sequel is better. They’ve all lost the use of their legs.
Paraplegion… Summer 2011
Here’s a lesson for you guys – even Jesus Christ himself had to wait more than 2000 years and bring about the near end of humanity to find a woman who will help him come a second time. You’ve got no chance.
I can’t believe that, Stoney. All the ladies wanted Jesus.
Why? Because he was hung like this:
*Jack spreads his arms out all the way*
Ok, here’s the fuckin deal. The trailer showed basically the whole fucking movie, so this leads me to believe it sucks. Also, I can’t name 1 good Dennis Quaid movie. Are you shitting me ? He’s the poor man’s Mel Gibson. I say fuck this movie and lets move on. FUCK I hate it already. I usually agree with you taste in flicks but Christ… watch the trailer again sober and let your gut tell you what I already know. The old ladt crawling up the wall was the gayest shit I ever seen. Nice pink fucking sweater. And why do all people with Hooks on their hands in movies alway look like their arm is 3 feet longer. Did I mention I am going to hate this piece of shit movie ?
Is dismissive wanking at all the christian symbolism as bad as masturbating?
Siskel gives the fucker 2 dead thumbs down
My grandma used to say things like “you’re baby’s gonna burn” to pregnant women. That was a combination of her thinking she was making a cute play on the whole “bun in the oven” thing and her antipsychotic medications wearing off.
I’m not going to watch it right now because I don’t want to shit my pants but also because whenever I read Dennis Quaid, I think it’s Randy Quaid and that makes it much funnier. Don’t crush my dreams.
Also, how do you know if your baby is the new baby Jesus? Just curious.
<===has wine coming from her boobings tips.
My grandma had a thick Irish brogue and no teeth.
She might have said something like that; I couldn’t understand her at all.
I think my baby is only half baked.
Maybe that old lady was just a Nazi. I’m sure that’s exactly what they said to Anne Frank’s mother…
I wasn’t gonna say nothin’, but that ain’t right.
Okay so I watched it. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. It did indeed melt my face off, but I’m bummed, it was pretty much the whole movie.
I kind of have a thing for Paul Bettany though, hopefully they saved the nude weiner dancing scenes for the actual movie.
That looked bad ass. But it might have something to do with the fact that I had it muted and I was listening to Linkin Park at the time.
But it might have something to do with the fact that I had it muted and I was listening to Linkin Park at the time.
Guy’cha! That’s the way He watches Sesame Street!
That chick just has a thing for disco infernos, that’s all.
@LordZ
You may very well be right, it is after all a ScreenGems movie. And it’s about the apocalypse. And it has Dennis Quaid. …Look, it’s got a lot of strikes against it. But until I’m proven wrong I’m gonna have to get irrationally excited.
Gonna suck Donkey ballz.
@LordZ
…InnerSpace…yeahhhh that’s what I thought. BOOYA!
And Frequency was the shit
@LordZ
…InnerSpace…yeahhhh that’s what I thought. BOOYA!
BOOSH!
SHITTER’S FULL!
Between old people biting guys in the necks and vampires, the only safe time to go outside is going to be between 4 PM and dusk.
Looks fun but would it have hurt to throw in some Christopher Walken and Viggo Mortensen into the mix? Are angels/demons the new zombies?
The reason she’s pregnant with Christ in his second coming is cause she swallowed his first.
“What is it?”
Well, it’s not a test.
After God loses faith in humanity
I’ve actually found the reason God loses his faith.
Go figure…
It’s been my experience that the second coming doesn’t nearly have the same gusto as the first. It usually just dribbles out. Chances are, Christ is going to be either retarded or lazy as fuck.
Whoa! I just shit my pants! I didn’t watch the trailer or anything, it’s just sometimes I’m too lazy to get up. This chair is so comfy!!
Christ is going to be either retarded or lazy as fuck.
A lazy guy named Jesus? You don’t say.
*Slide whistle*
Stay tuned later for Burnsy’s AfterPOON drive. Donk & J will be right back.
@Jaction–technically, I think this movie will be Quaidroplegic.
I haven’t watched this, but for fuck’s sake, how scary can a bunch of retired military guys sitting around shooting the shit be? Did they get out of
shufflestep at a funeral?For the information of all you demented haters, Trish already has a Legion van, so get a life!!!
I don’t think anyone knew what this was when they were promoing it at Comicon. But fuck after the trailer everyone was pissing themselves.
But Tyrese was the funniest part of it. He was whoring his comic book series and himself like a crazy man, even after the panel was over. It was nuts.
At first glance I thought it said Lesion and figured it was a sequel to Philadelphia.
God with no faith in humanity like baker with no faith in flour. You don’t like cake? Work lumps out of batter better next time!
I’ve seen this movie. Turns out the “apocolypse” is just an outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease, and “Christ” is a bottle of hospital-grade disinfectant.
Anti-climax central.
Half way though the movie Quaid will be shrunken and injected into her belly so can talk to fetus Jesus who will be played by Martin Short.
Sure it has Dennis Quaid, but at least it looks like they had the forethought to explode him from the inside out for us, the paying audience.
Paul Bettany can guard my womb anytime. And by guard I mean with his penis.
A list of all of Dennis Quaid’s Gem’s in the last 5 years:
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
Horsemen (2009) …. Aidan Breslin
The Express (2008) …. Ben Schwartzwalder
Vantage Point (2008) …. Thomas Barnes
Smart People (2008) …. Lawrence Wetherhold
American Dreamz (2006) …. President Joseph Staton
Yours, Mine and Ours (2005) …. Frank Beardsley
Flight of the Phoenix (2004) …. Frank Towns
In Good Company (2004) …. Dan
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) …. Jack Hall
The Alamo (2004) …. Sam Houston
Is this different from Dogma somehow?
I know Jesus and an Angel. They work for the landscaping crew that does our building.
Not to be an asshole, but I thought when Christ comes back he’s not an infant god but a full grown god…