*Warning, the following story isn’t the least bit true

This story would be awesome if it were true, so let’s pretend for a few minutes.

Jason Biggs was visiting the disputed territory at the foot of Spain with friend and American Pie co-star Eddie Kaye Thomas [Sh'tbrick] when the pair came face to face with one of Gibraltar’s mascots [The Barbary Macaque].

“Jason and Eddie decided to go on the trip to celebrate the ten-year anniversary of Pie,” a source told US media. “They were hiking in the woods when this monkey suddenly leapt on Jason from a tree and tried to bite his face off.  “Jason’s travelling companions managed to fend the beast off and Jason thankfully wasn’t seriously hurt, just shaken up.”   The actor abruptly ended his holiday as a result of the attack and returned to the US early. [Telegraph]

(*ahem*) Well this isn’t the first time someone’s gotten upset about macaque in their face!  HA CH-CHA CHA CH– Ow, who threw that?  Anyway, it’s probably important to note that this came from the Telegraph, who in the past have reported such gems as Jamie Foxx playing Frank Sinatra in a biopic and Cher signing up to play catwoman. Seriously, the 10th anniversary of American Pie?  That was the best premise you guys could come up with?  This story sounds like it was written by the Family Guy Manatees.  And it’s still better than the last seven American Pie sequels.  Anyway, if you want the job done right, just remember: Monkey assassin < Autoerotic Asphyxiation Ninjas.