Oh, great, another vampire movie.  Director Paul WS Anderson (Resident Evil, Event Horizon, Aliens Vs. Predator, Death Race) has hired James Wan (the creator and director of Saw) to re-write the script for Castlevania and direct it (Anderson will produce).  Re-write. Which means there’s already been at least one script written for a fricken’ Castlevania movie.  MTV reports:

It was going to span hundreds of years, from fifteenth century Transylvania to the European trenches of World War II, yet also would somehow still be an origin story focusing on the genesis of the feud between Dracula and the Belmonts [Ed. - so about 10 hours long then?], the family tasked with battling the vampire and his clan.
That was several years ago, before the writers’ strike and then the sale of Rogue Pictures interrupted Anderson’s plan to bring “Castlevania” to theaters. Now, with the script getting the rewrite treatment and a new director set to helm the flick, Anderson is considerably (and understandably) more tight-lipped when it comes to dishing out details, as MTV News discovered during a recent conversation.

“There’ll be the whip and there’ll be creatures,” Anderson said, referring to Simon Belmont’s weapon of choice and the mythical beasts he battles as he makes his way through Dracula’s castle in the original video game.

Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  A whip?  And creatures?  This changes everything.  This doesn’t look like Van Helsing 2: Van Harder at all.

If I wanted to see a whip and some creatures I’d just go to a gang bang at your mom’s house.

~ robopanda