08.11.09 HARRISON FORD DEMANDS HIS FAMILY!

I was hoping he’d finish with “…BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!”

Harrison Ford was not trying to run off a bunch of yammering gooks off of his yard.

That geezer is getting old, we’re gonna have to start calling him “Model T”.

Ford mentioned his wife 28 times because Calista had turned sideways and he couldn’t see her anymore.
“Have you seen my wife?”
“WHERE’S MY WIFE?!?!”
“WIFE…WHERE…IS…NOW!?!?”

Model H?

Calista Flockhart is what you get when you take the crazy out of Anne Heche and starve a bitch for four years.

Calista Flockhart is one PB&J away from getting all swollen belly, fly eyes Somalian skinny.

Calista Flockhart is so skinny, she doesn’t step on cracks. Not because she doesn’t want to break her momma’s back, no, but because the last time she did she fell though and got three toes eaten by sewer rats.

I’m working on a montage of Nic Cage looking dumb. I’m on my third hard drive at the moment.

Jeez, wecome back SS. [dismissive finger banging your cousin under the table at Thanksgiving dinner motion]

Qah Plah! Welcomen die FilmDrunken!!
http://engrishfunny.com/2009/08/10/engrish-get-assaulted/#comments

Nicolas Cage is more… My Wife ? My Family ?

Smarter men than him would have trouble keeping it straight.

Andy Dick has no problem with keeping it straight.

FilmDrunk, now with 120% more Crappy!

Fuck you guys, I’m gonna go press my dick on some vibrating machinery.

Someone needs to do a finger waggle compilation of him. Not me though. I’m just too productive.

i saw one of these once with larry the cable guy. it mashed together all the times he used a multiple-syllable word. the video was 8 seconds long and consisted of him burping.

Don’t get jittery on Him, Crap…

[pulls junk off of shaker table]
Dear Thunderdan,
You got some funny shit kid, and it’s awesome that unlike some newbies you figured out how to post up an avi. However, there is a button on your keyboard with the word “Shift” on it. It’s used to capitalize words, such as the first word of a sentence, or proper names. Try using it. It’s cool. I do this as a favo(u)r to you, otherwise Al (who is a chick) will assail you for your lack of propiety. Thanks a bunch,
Diremutt

Dor sho gha! The Mighty One is out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!

I’m starting to sober up Fek, so now instead of a big black blur (Baltimore) I see a big white blur. (Iowa)

I imagine fucking Calista Flockhart would be like sticking your dick in a basket of hot wing bones.

Calista Flockhart’s asshole hasn’t done anything in two weeks.

TWO WEEKS!

…two weeks…
[Hangs and shakes head]

Calista Flockhart is so thin, she faxes herself from place to place.

Well Flockhart’s asshole doesn’t get any action either, Harrison Ford prefers Hands Solo…if ya know what I mean.

Whenever Calista gets boned missionary, she spreads herself too thin.

I’ve seen white scratch paper for a math test with more sexuality than Calista Flockhart. The least she could do would be draping a white sheet over her head so we stop misplacing her.

Mr. Ford refers to his package as, “Harrison’s Harryson.” But only because he’s really an asshole.

Calista’s son doesn’t call her his parent, he calls her his transparent.

Calista’s son ties a string to her and uses her as a kite.

Harrison uses Calista to snake the drains.

Ally needs to eat a McMeal!!

Harrison once grabbed Calista, hammered her into the wall and hung a picture on her.

Calista got stopped by TSA at the airport because she was a sharp object.

Calista swears she’s not bulemic.

(she can’t read minds)

Calista is great for gapping spark plugs.

Calista has to wear a belt with her spandex.

Sometimes when Harrison changes the air conditioner’s filter, he finds Calista stuck in it.

Calista’s wardrobe is Osh Kosh B’Gosh with the tags cut off.

Calista has to tie a 2×4 to her ass to use the toilet so she doesn’t fall in.

(^ also what I have to do when I nail Stoney’s whorex)

It’s handy to have Calista around if you have little bits of food stuck in your teeth following a meal.

Calista picks locks, from the inside.

One time Harrison found his car keys, $.84, and Calista between the cusions of the couch.

Calista hates it when Harrison has his member inside her because it “Makes her look fat.”

Fuck you guys, I’m gonna go get a chilidog.

Calista to waiter: I’ll have a salad and a water. Hold the salad.

Hey, I’m trying! You’re hard to keep up with! I’ll take one of those dogs. Make it two for Calista.