In the new G.I. Joe, G.I. Joe doesn’t stand for “Government Issue” anymore, it stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity*. Most people would agree that’s a stupid idea, but predictably, the guy yelling the loudest about it is a guy from the National Review who wants to take a time machine back to the make-believe past where white people invented rock and roll and blacks could only be mayor if Michael J. Fox told them to. There might be a substantive discussion to be had somewhere in here, but since these stupid shows always need to have representatives from imaginary “pro” and “con” camps, it mainly devolves into:
Angry Guy 1: G.I. JOE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE I REMEMBER! I’M ANGRY! THINK OF THE SOLDIERS IN FALLUJAH!
Angry Guy 2: YOU’RE IGNORANT! THIS IS BUSINESS! THINK OF THE INVESTORS!
But I have to concede guy one might have a small point: why do we always think we have to water stuff down so it appeals to a larger audience? Anyway, it’s kind of a myth. The more generalized a product becomes, the less appealing it is to a specific audience. So when you set out to make something with “universal appeal”, your best-case scenario is something like Transformers 2, where you ask people what they thought and they sort of shrug and go, “Well, if you like pieces of sh*t, you’ll f*cking love this piece of sh*t.” It seems like there are a lot people out there who are proud of the amount of money they made, but not so proud of the actual product they sold to make them that money. Which to me seems dishonest. But bottom line, G.I. Joe isn’t red, white, and blue anymore because Obama is a secret Mexican.
*I know this was rumored early on, but whether it made it into the final film, I haven’t seen confirmed by a reliable source.
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Joint Operation Entity is a mouthful, I prefer “Roachclip.”
this is why captain america was shelved and captain planet was greenlit. damn you, north korean.
“Okay, John we appreciate it so much, bye, hey, ethnic-named-but-not-too-ethnic-lady-I-talk-over did you get a load of that massive scatmuncher?”
“I’m still here.”
My code name for this story is “Don’t tell, don’t tell.”
thunderdan: damn you, north korean.
He knows what he did.
G.I. Joe: Don’t ask. Do tell!
These guys need to get a Kung-Fu grip on reality. Bite the pillow and aknowledge that this movie is gonna blow giraffe cock.
They missed the two most important questions that I wanted answered:
1) Who really gives a shit?
2) Is anyone actually interested in seeing this movie?
G.I. hate mondays.
Gays
In
Jelly’d up
orifices
everyday
There’s another reason they didn’t put them in red, white, and blue – it makes terrible camouflage, amIright??!
*raises hand for high five, looks around hopefully*
i haven’t really seen either, but given all the flack, is G.I. Jane technically a better film? discuss.
Going blind
If you
Jack
off
enough
Yo Joe! And Or Joanne!
G.I. Jose wanted a red, white, and green uniform.
David Carradine had to use a rope because not even his kung fu grip was enough to pull out a wad.
In my version, the main character’s primary fighting tactic involves poking his enemy in the eyes. He also has a bowl-cut hair style and a platoon partner named Larry.
They only call it that because it turns out Shipwreck was born in a back-alley abortion clinic in the Philippines so he’s technically not really an American, but they don’t want him to feel left out. Don’t worry, the rest of them are real American heroes.
So I guess as long as it’s a gun or free smokes some bloviating pudit from the National Review won’t bitch about “Government Issue.” But if it’s health care for the poor…
So, this got made. Anybody else think the Jews in Hollywood are inbreeding a tad much?
I’m just relieved that they decided to make an acronym out of it. I was just discussing with a well-known and universally respected paleoanthropologist about how people might come away from a movie named after a toy line confused about why it’s called G.I. Joe. Now i can rest easy knowing there will be absolutely no plot holes in the entire film.
Gondry
Illustrated
Just how
overly
excited I am to see this movie!
¤slides Hennessy 5th up his ass¤
This movie better be more successful than the war in Iraq. Worse idea but higher budget.
I’m still waiting for the movie of G.U. Rhairsmellsterrific.
I like the word “entity” because it’s a shortcut for people who want to say “thing”, but also want to sound like pompous assbags.
Also, because without it, this movie would be called ‘G.I. Jot’.
If G.I. Joe is an acronym, aren’t they missing a few periods? Just like your sister before that trip to the clinic.
Associated Secret Service Platoon Operating Under National Defense.
Bazooka Joe got kicck off of the team when he kept running around yelling, “JOE BLOW!” and playing grabass with all the guys.
You don’t want to know what kicck is an acronym for.
Ball’up
Pick your battles conservative dude! Look at the movie and say, wow this is a piece of shit! Thank God they didn’t associate real soldiers to this comic book! Also, if you are fighting a bad guy called Cobra, the only black dude is named Roadblock, and you have a ninja with a samurai sword, its called FANTASY! Somehow, this movie is called “anti-war” when it should be picked on for its being “anti-quality” similar to the horseshit like Transformers, Transformers 2, and Dark Knight.
bopan,
as long as he is accepting of his punishment: a gi joe pre-screening!
what the …? are there really some pro-war in Iraq Hollywood movies out there? I’d watch ‘em. Just one? A film about the battle of Fallujah? This douchebag says there are and then can’t remember what they’re called? I call bullsh**.
Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson get on that.