These are the actual taglines for Werewolves on Wheels (1971):
- If you’re hairy you belong on a motorbike!
- This Gang Thought It Was Tough… ’til it found a new type of hell…The Bride of Satan!
A motorcycle gang called The Devil’s Advocates (oooo, forshadowey) led by a guy named Adam (I’ve seen that guy before. His hair was perfect.) kills a couple of people and then bump into some Satanists. 1970′s movie occult hijinks ensue and they become a motorcycle gang *record scratch* of werewolves.
In less than 2 minutes the narrator of the trailer breathlessly states all of the following:
“Don’t miss the most unusual and exciting horror motorcycle film yet made.”
“Werewolves on Wheels: the most eerie, the most chilling, the most terrifying horror motorcycle film ever made”
“Don’t miss the first horror motorcycle film ever made.”
This film is also the most resplendent horror motorcycle film ever made. Also the most piquant, the most fluffy, the most glib, the most purply, and the most mouth-rapey. But wait, this was called Angel Warriors 2 in Australia. How could it be the first horror motorcycle film if it’s a sequel in Australia? Are they lying? I expected better from you, horror motorcycle werewolf movie.
~ robopanda [Thanks to ohhaveyouseenthis]
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I’m likin’ this.
I’m also likin’ thrope.
To save money, the producers only cast actors with Lupus.
Twilight should be called Vampires on Estrogen.
Alternate tagline: “Get ready to shapeshift into 4th gear!”
Werewolf Bikers never drink Coors Light.
My favorite werewolf biker gang is The Hell’s Mange-ls.
Lycanthropic bikers who have to stop for directions are called Where?wolves.
Werewolf bikers ride Howly Davidsons.
A werewolf biker wearing a Three Wolf Moon shirt would fucking explode from being too awesome.
Angel Warriors (1971) also known as Angels Hard as They Come stars Scott Glenn and a young… Gary Busey !
The more you know !
*rainbow*
*rainbow*
*rainbow*
These guys are pretty cool, but my favorite wolf gang is Mozart.
The Three Wolf Moon shirt’s incredibly durable fabric and stitching would surely protect the werewolf from the explosion.
They beat the hell out of that poor cameraman.
The drummer in my band is a lycanthrope. He’s a snarewolf.
Werewolf = awesome
Airwolf = awesomer
Werewolf piloting Airwolf = awesomest!
Werewolf bikers are Hell’s Mangels.
I think you stepped on my dick there, Chino.
Lycanthropic internet pirates are called sharewolves.
Marc Summers was secretly a Double Darewolf.
Werewolf not used to riding motorcycle have softail.
Lycanthtopes without their own motorcycles are called busfarewolves.
Lycanthropic salon stylists are called Hairwolves.
If a sparkly Twilight Vampire mated with a lycanthrope, they’d produce a glarewolf.
Female motorcycle werewolves always ride bitch.
Lycanthropes are delicious! They’re best if cooked medium-rarewolf.
Werewolf bikers can only get their brown wings doggy style!
‘Werewolves on Wheels’ favorite short story about Burger King Kid’s Club.
I always keep an extra lycanthrope around in case I need a sparewolf.
Werewolves who’ve had too much plastic surgery are called Cherwolves.
I shaved a werewolf. Now he’s a barewolf.
*brushes off Jack’s dick*
sorry, pal
Woah…at the 33 sec mark, the guy talking about how they are all going to die is the same guy in a hair restoration infomercial…ironic
Werewolf bikers prey on the Harewolf bikers.
You didn’t clean it all off yet, Chino. I’ll let you know when to stop.
Lycanthropic carney’s are called Fairwolves.
Flairwolf bikers hang out at Chotchke’s.
What’re ya sayin’, Moose? Fairwolves are Carneyvores? WHA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!
Holy rollin’ werewolves are called Prayerwolves.
I thought I saw a lycanthrope at a woman’s music festival. It turns out it wasn’t a Lilith Fairwolf, it was just a chick who doesn’t shave.
An irresponsible lycanthrope is a ne’er-do-wolf
A werewolf that’s never actually shown in a werewolf movie is a Blairwolf.
Lycanthropic sheep are called werewools
Ryan Gosling is a member of the Carewolf biker gang.
A paraplegic lycanthrope is a can’t-climb-stair-wolf.
A lycanthrope with a headache is a Bayerwolf.
A neutered lycanthrope doesn’t have a pairwolf.
Werewolves love tequila. Their favorite is Jose Cwerevo.
A werewolf who’s been hit hard by the recession and has to sell all of his jewelry is called a Cash4Gold.com-wolf
My favorite werewolf on Gilligan’s Island was Mr. Howl.
I think I’m done.
Jacktion!, a paraplegic lycanthrope is a Werewolf on Wheels
I really went on a tearwolf there.
*hands Jaktion some Ritalin and vodka*
Wolf on wheels is nature’s answer to rabbit with jetpack.
Werewolf bikers don’t wear helmets because helmets are only for pussies.
“I thought I saw a lycanthrope at a woman’s music festival. It turns out it wasn’t a Lilith Fairwolf, it was just a chick who doesn’t shave.” thank you Jacktion! once again, I laughed my ass off at your tangents.
When I was a kid growing up in backwoods Minnesota, my workaholic parents hired a live-in nanny to look after me and keep me company. She was a sweet old gal, but I’ll never forget just how hairy she was … her knuckles, her jawline, even her ankles.
I also remember how every month she used to lock herself away for days at a time in her bungalow out back. She told me to stay away, especially at night, no matter what strange sounds I heard. And boy, I heard some straaaaange fuckin’ sounds.
Looking back now, I wonder if my nanny was actually an au pairwolf…
A lycanthrope hung in a field to keep crows away is a scarewolf.
In France, An American Werewolf in Paris is called Mon Frerewolf.
In Mother Russia, wolf wears you.
BAZING!
He wouldn’t be so lycanthropic if he was a Nairwolf.
*pulls up short shorts*
The boy who cried ‘wolf’ was a “There! Wolf!”
A paraplegic lycanthrope is a can’t-climb-stair-wolf.
No, no, no, if you recall your Weretard 101, this particular sub-species is called a Chairwolf.
Sucks to be so late to the thread, all I got left is riffing off of Jack’s previous posts. Guess that makes me a Were-tardy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…shit.
Indie werewolf rockers jam to LizPhairwolves.
You’re not too late, Hairy.
Do you feel were-tardy?
Werewolves On Wheels actually had some teeth … however, Vampires On Vespas – the “unofficial” sequel – just plain sucked.
I like to see bumbling werewolves on peels.
Wolfman Jacktion is Filmdrunks original party animal.
Zombies In Zeppelins suffered from some pacing issues, but it required some brains from its audience.
Oddly this movie spawned an early iteration of Meals on Wheels, took a while for the werewolves to figure out they were supposed to bring food TO the elderly not…
Now, with their charitable organization on course, they call themselves Carewolves.
(yeah that took a while to get to that lame joke, eat my ass)
The shoot for Mummies On Mopeds just wrapped.
In his top-hat and 3-piece suit, Benicio Del Toro’s Wolfman looks a right debonair-wolf!
Hairy stepped on my click…
DareWolf to keep a kid off drugs.
Oh god, I need a phone with web access, its sucks that I missed out on this.
Outcast and shunned as a “monster”, the bearwolf is a product of two worlds … yet belongs to neither.
*sniff*
Instead of having fun here I was watching Top Chef Masters (HubertWolf btw) with my lady friend.
In Thriller, Michael jackson turned into a Pedobear-Wolf, at the beginning.
A lycanthrope who preys solely on Southern gentry is an “I do declare!”-wolf.
A lycanthrope who nominates track 6 as their favourite song off Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain is a real “Unfair”-wolf.
A lycanthrope with Tourette’s is a swearwolf.
A lycanthrope with depression is a despairwolf.
A lycanthrope with a tool-belt is a repairwolf.
I LIKE TO MAKE WEREWOLF MOVIES!
A lycanthrope with no eyelids is a starewolf.
I’m probably steppin’ on dicks ‘n’ clicks all over the place, but I’m a “don’t care”-wolf.
A lycanthrope who prefers to leave his victims crippled is an impairwolf.
If Rosario Dawson was a lycanthrope, she’d be a “nice pair”-wolf.
If Bugs Bunny was a lycanthrope, he’d be a harewolf.
(not a Were-Rabbit™)
If Joaquin Phoenix was a lycanthrope, he’d be a harewolf too.
A lycanthrope made out of French pastry, custard and chocolate is an eclairwolf.
A French lycanthrope with a thing for asses is a derrierewolf.
A lycanthrope with a thing for stumpy cheerleaders is a Panettierewolf.
You probably think I’m about done, but I could go on for e’er-wolf.
A lycanthrope with a thing for Swiss cheese is a Gruyerewolf.
A lycanthrope who knows a thing or two about wine is a sommelierwolf.
Not to be confused with the lycanthrope who knows a thing or two about chili – the “smelly air”-wolf.
A lycanthrope who advises on the perils of internet purchases is a “buyer beware”-wolf.
I was hoping to get this thing past 100 posts, but I’m a “not quite there”-wolf.
:(
PS: I’m Australian, and I’ve never heard of Angel Warriors 1 OR 2.
I think whoever gave you that info, Robo, may be an errwolf.
My script outline for Skeletons On Skates gave the head honcho at fox a boner.
pronouns are for prolapsers.
word.
According to conservatives, the Obamacare-wolf wears sheeps clothing