SPARKLIEST. SHOWER. EVER.
08.27.09
Someone from Toronto recently started selling these handpainted Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson shower curtains on Etsy (which is apparently “a crafty cross between Amazon and eBay” and has been compared to “your grandma’s basement” — seriously). My sources tell me that every purchase comes with a personalized disclaimer, “Are you sure your BOYFRIEND won’t mind? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, just kidding of course.”
No word on whether they’re resistant to cat fur and sadness, but I like to flip mine so the portrait’s on the inside. That way Edward Cullen can watch me shower, and I don’t feel threatened because even though I know my naked body drives him mad with desire, he won’t act on it because he’s virtuous and white. Plus he can help keep a lookout for feral minorities, with their motorcycles and greasy abdominal muscles. ICKY!
PS – Stephenie Meyer wears mom jeans in the shower. True story.
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haddaway-what-is-love-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/Bella-twilight-breaking-dawn-wedding-dress-150x150.jpg)
That curtain needs a good bedazzling in order to be true to life.
Oh and I got mine in red because it reminds me of blood.
I have one. I pretend he’s spitting on me.
“Oh hahahaha Edward, clean me with your sparkley spittle”
His interest in the toilet worries me.
That’s a little too creepy for me. I’ll just stick with my Matthew Lillard goatee back scrubber, thank you very much.
With this shower curtain, Edward can grow mildew, just like all his fans’ cooches!
String theory extrapolates that since all particles are intertwined, this is as close to washing his hair as Pattinson’s gonna get.
When temptation arises, that shower automatically gives cold showers.
More hair gel Edward? Why, certainly.
*skeet skeet skeet*
That shower curtain kills me. Literally.
More like Edward Sullen
With that shower curtain, there’s no way my wife would yell at me for peeing in the shower.
How do they expect Fangsters to get rid of their dandruff without his shoulders?
Does it come with a lycanthrope on a rope?
Never before have lonely cat owners been so anxious for shower curtain static cling.
I like how the light coming in through the window on the banner pic forms a sort of halo for Edward.
That shower curtain is held up by shower curtain promise rings.
That look was selected to deter anyone from looking to see what’s in the bloody, rolled up shower curtain next to my trash can.
If you use it as a drop cloth for painting your ceilings, it gets more and more realistic.
I’d recognize that artist’s work anywhere! He’s done some work in truck stop bathrooms up and down the east coast. Of course, it’s generally painted around a hole.
What’s the over/under on days it takes some guy to cut a hole in the mouth of that curtain and stick his dick through it?
I also like that the picture hangs just low enough so that from the inside, it looks like he’s staring disapprovingly at a girl’s vagina.
Mark It Zero says:
That look was selected to deter anyone from looking to see what’s in the bloody, rolled up shower curtain next to my trash can.
It probably wouldn’t be bloody because Edward doesn’t want to soak up human blood.
Hey, my boner from the Mila Kunis/Natalie Portman sex scene just went away!
Thanks, Edward Cullen!
One week out of the month, the curtain attacks the shower’s occupant.
Like any guy owns one of these.
He be eying them maxipads in the wastebasket next to the toilet!
I’ve got a similar curtain, but it features Dom DeLuise.
BTW, if you think that’s gay, you should see His Qui-Gon Jinn clinger for His shower door*!
*sadly, actually true…
The dangerous feral minority werewolves are embroidered on the matching towels. They don’t care so much about getting all up in your nether regions.
I have a shower Jane Curtain. It’s as sexy as this.
The over/under is when I did it yesterday… You’re welcome.
Cullen, take me away!
The fact that the curtain is near the toilet shows that this is a metaphor of the future of Pattinson’s career.
yo son, etsy is the shit dog. i be sellin all my pimped out custon made bling on dat shit