(“Squeal like a pig, haha.”)

That’s right, get ready for a Gambit spinoff starring the Bonus Jonas and the dump Miley Cyrus just took, Disney has bought Marvel for $4 billion.  Here’s the requisite, ridiculously oblique quote from the press release:

“This transaction combines Marvel’s strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters including Iron Man, Spider-Man, X-Men, Captain America, Fantastic Four and Thor with Disney’s creative skills, unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties, and a business structure that maximizes the value of creative properties across multiple platforms and territories [i.e., selling toys],” said Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company.

Translation: “We really like yer cow, so we’re gonna milk it till it sh’ts blood.”

Under the deal, Disney will acquire ownership of Marvel including its more than 5,000 Marvel characters. [Marvel CEO Ike] Perlmutter will oversee the Marvel properties, and will work directly with Disney’s global lines of business to build and further integrate Marvel’s properties. [MarketWatch]

And after the deal was made, a Marvel exec followed a Disney exec into a bathroom stall where he helped the Disney exec chop a global line of business on the toilet seat, and then integrated it with his nostril.  “YAHTZEE!” shouted the exec, when reached for comment.