I don’t follow many celebrities on Twitter anymore – most of them are dull as hell – but Diora Baird is a bright spot in my daily feed. Funny, smart and raunchy, Baird’s tweets are always worth reading. And yesterday they got semi-newsworthy.
Baird tweeted this:
Had an audition for the movie Thor today. Character description was ‘pretty, but sturdy with muscle’. Damn type casting.
I tried to get her to spill the beans as to who she would be playing, but all she would say was
I cant say. I’ll go to jail. For real. Had to sign my soul away.
Here’s her twitter, and I’ll post some of the more interesting tweefs below:
- I guess I “mock” myself then. And by “mock” I mean “make love to”.
- I am a human masturbatory aid. Dream #14, check.
- Im happy to pop your cherry.
- Im always here with a dildo joke.
- Watch me jiggle my boobs at http://bit.ly/13Tm29 I know, Im quite the intellectual.
- Girl:’Can I have your autograph?’ Me:’Sure’(as Im signing) Oh, wait. Thats not my vagina’. It was Kristy Swasnsons’! Does my vagina look 40?
- Yeah, poop is the best odor. Gonna start a perfume line called ‘Ass’.
- Just saw a movie and I’m almost positive the old man sitting next to me shat himself.
- Thanks! I would love as many pantless followers as possible.
- A new strain of HIV was found in a woman in Paris. It came from a gorilla. People! Enough with the monkey f-cking already! Goats are better.
And that’s just in the past five days. I can’t believe she has fewer than 1,300 stalkers followers.