Since Vince is busy motorboating hookers volunteering at the legless cat shelter, I’ll be picking COTW.  It’s a complicated algorithmic process.  You take the number of dick jokes divided by the “rape quotient” to the power of 69 and then stare at a picture of Mike Tyson until all answers reveal themselves.  As always, nominate next week’s COTW in the comments section below.

Stone gets the party started in the  KICK ASS thread:

Stone Soup says: I am hopeful that the sequel will be called “Take Names.”

In the JOAQUIN PHOENIX BE SHOPPIN’ thread, Mike Walker of the National Enquirer opens an article with, “It’s no hoax, folks” to which Al responds:

It’s no joke, bloke!
It’s no ruse, yous!
It’s no scam, ma’am!

**slams head through wall**

From TIMBERLAKE MOVIE WINS OSCAR FOR TAGLINES:

Thunderdan says:  if life is a journey . . . this movie isn’t on my road map

Next up, from the thread that GRAPES YOU IN THE MOUTH:

Fek’lhr says: If M. Night had Tourette’s, could we call him “Twist and Shout”?

The NEVERENDING STORY VAN post was filled with brilliant comments, most of which were too long to post here [props to Erswi for that beer commercial].  Here are some highlights:

Jirish says:  Walk a mile in his shoes? I think he meant drive a mile in his van. It’s not so easy with all those lights and sirens blaring behind you.

Jacktion! says:  Could you imagine what this guy would do with all the money if he won this lawsuit? I want to make a movie about it, called Rooster’s Millions.

JIMBONE JONES says: He should get a bumper sticker that reads ” IF THIS VANS A ROCKIN CALL THE AUTHORITIES CAUSE A CHILD IS BEING ASS RAPED IN THERE”

Lawyer of Story says:  I say, I say, Mistah Moose, my client is not in possession of a rape van! He owns a Neverending Story van, that is occasionally used for “anally intrusive activities.”

From the MANDOM thread:

Donkey Hodey says: A “Mandom” is when I wear Pauly as a condom while having sex with Chodin.

The runner-up comment comes from the DIARY OF ANNE FRANK thread:

ChinoMoreno says:

Dear Diary,
Today I get to go to camp! And I get to take a train there! We’ll play games like concentration and War. Then, at the end, we’ll have a big campfire! BRB

*last entry*

It was easy to pick the winner.  This comment both made me wish I thought of it and created a mental image I’m still laughing at days later.  From the JOAQUIN PHOENIX thread:

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:  I wish Joaquin Phoenix and Christopher Walken would rent a horse costume and walk around town as a horse named “Christopher Joaquin”.

Drunk on, you crazy vanrapists.

~ robopanda [thanks to Break for the picture]