08.02.09 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: THIRST POSTER
Okay, folks, it’s comments of the week time again, and this time I’ve got prizes to give away. First place gets a Thirst poster autographed by the director and the soundtrack, three runners up win the soundtrack. Thirst opened in select theaters on Friday. You can see when it will be in your queer town here.
The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
FIRST PLACE – from the James Cameron with a gun post – goes to… 
Donkey Hodey.
Donkey Hodey says:
Donk: “How do you shoot women and children?”
Cameron: “Easy, you just use softer lighting!”
RUNNERS UP: From the DJ CARUSO TO DIRECT ‘DEAD SPACE’ post, Robopanda rose to my challenge to come up with a more generic movie pitch than Dead Space:
RoboPanda says:
I accept your challenge: A headstrong, hot (but not too hot) 30-something career woman gets cheated on by her hot boyfriend and realizes she’s been in love with her hot coworker with whom she’s had an unexplained rivalry throughout the first two acts. Also, they’re all zombies. 40 Dresses Later – in theaters this Secretary’s Day.
Meanwhile, in the APATOW PLANNING RAAAAAAAANDY MOVIE thread, mreverdred01 was all over my ass like anal warts. I mean, like a big gay dude. No wait! I mean like my man jizz! Wait, no! Damn these Freudian similes!
mreverdred01 says:
You tend to say something along the lines of, “this movie sounds terrible, but at least it doesn’t sound as bad as this movie:” with a link to a worse-sounding movie. I followed the MacGruber link in this video and in that article you said, “I guess it can’t be worse than View-Master” with a link to a View-Master article. So I went to the View-Master article and in that you say, “After having previously reported on studios going forward with movies about Candyland and Bazooka Joe, nothing should surprise me at this point.” It ends with Candyland and Bazooka Joe, meaning those two movies must be the lowest of the low and nothing can get worse than them. I’m expecting to see those two on the IMDB top 100 worst movies list now.
Eh oh, lookata powers of obsavation on dis guy. For my final runner up, I had to go with Deux-Deux-Deux in the FEI FEI THE CHINESE SUNGLASS DOG thread:
Deux-Deux-Deux says: I think Fei-Fei’s just in disguise to avoid being eaten.
“Hey, mistal! You see dericious rooking dog lun through heele?”
“Ree went rataway!”
What can I say, there was just something about the way he combined crude racial stereotypes with The Jetsons that did it for me. Congrats, winners. EMAIL ME YOUR ADDRESSES TO COLLECT YOUR PRIZE.
And now, the HONORABLE MENTIONS (some of these might be funnier than the winners – choosing comments of the week is a real Sophie’s Choice. I think. I never saw that movie.):
From ANDY GRIFFITH LEARNS TO MACK ON OLD BITCHES:
Michelle07 says: I thought he was only down with Opie.
From JUDD APATOW ON INSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO/KNOCKED UP WAS SEMI-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: I think James Lipton should have asked the question that was on everybody’s mind: Did he f*ck his bong?
AND
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Pauly’s Girlfriend: I’m pregnant.
Pauly: Well, let’s go see the gynecologist. Just to be sure…
[in Pauly's car]
Pauly’s Girlfriend: Why are we going to Mexico?
Pauly: [whispers] Shhhhhhhhhut the f*ck up….
From RYAN GOSLING HELPS A FRIEND, GIVES $5 TO A HOMELESS:
MarkitZero says: “Hey girl, do you wanna 76 later? That’s where only our backs touch so we don’t succumb to temptation.”
From MORMONS FEAR HOLLYWOOD THE MOST:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: You would hate Hollywood too if you had 3 wives asking you what’s happening in the movie you’re watching every 10 minutes.
From FIRECROTCH REPLACED BY FIRECROTCH AS TWILIGHT VILLAIN:
ChinoMoreno says: So it’s not garlic that Bella has to watch out for but ginger?
Food humor. Adorable. From the PUNK YOUR DINOSAUR music video thread:
Chino Moreno says: Know what killed Dinosaur rap? The Vanilla Ice Age.
From the RACHEL LEFEVRE RESPONDS thread – I wish I’d thought of this caption:
Dick Trickle says: Can you do me a Lefevre and take off your bra?
And finally, this one needs no context so I’m not going to give any:
Donkey Hodey says: Pumpkins make awesome sex toys. You can have your fleshlight, I’ll take my Jack-O-Lantern. It feels so gourd.
Thanks to everyone who brought the funny this week, and that includes a lot of people who didn’t make the list.
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There are 68 comments about:
COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: THIRST POSTER
I’m glad I didn’t win that poster. I mean, the last thing I need is another creepy Asian guy hanging around my house!
/high five?
alright here you go chino…
nnInn
,,/,,
Well done all. Remind me never to go to Donk’s for Thanksgiving.
Chino, low five . . . on your ass. Left cheek.
I don’t look Asian!
What’s a guy gotta do to get a COTW these days? Post?
(studies poster)
Ironically, Old Bay Seasoning makes me thirsty.
Thanks for the honor. That’s one less Korean horror movie where I won’t have to illegally download the soundtrack.
@Chino
Wow, you got first place and I got runner up! If we had babies, think of how well they could comment!
Actually, I had a vasectomy. Still, if it’s God’s will, we should try anyway.
Hey, there must be some mistake. According to the website, not only isn’t Thirst making it to the coastal region of southern Delaware, it isn’t coming to Delaware at all.
Deux: Donk got first place, but I don’t think he’d be interested in procreating with you as he already has a ‘lil Donk on the way.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/pirates-in-spaaaaace&cp=1
Let’s get this week started right with a double-header. First from ndrage85:
Remember ladies, in space no one can hear you say “no!”
Then, SmokeEmIfYouGotEm:
Captain Blood only pillages women once a month.
Never received the last “prize” that I won here with my “funny comedy jokes”, but that’s okay, because I did receive “Hotel For Dogs” and it has been in my DVD player ever since. I can’t get it out because the eject button doesn’t work anymore since I beat the machine with a 5 iron after watching “Hotel For Dogs”. Maybe Lancevince should refigure this merit system and send this crap to whoever writes the least funny comments. Shit. I’d still win. Nevermind.
Sorry Duke, sometimes publicists promise and don’t deliver.
sometimes publicists promise and don’t deliver.
Don’t I know it.
*looks sadly at IOU for a BJ from Pat Kingsley while ELO’s “Telephone Line” plays softly on cassette deck*
box office
Pauly says:
I have Aliens in the Attic. It’s how I make my mortgage payment
space pirates
ChinoMoreno says:
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Tang.
-AND-
JessicaD says:
Is space where all movie franchises go to die?
harvey remake
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
Damon and Marlon Wayans will star with Stacy Dash. It’ll be called
No’ Bunny
In that G.I. Joe means something else thread:
Crapbasket says:
If G.I. Joe is an acronym, aren’t they missing a few periods? Just like your sister before that trip to the clinic.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/forgotten-classics-early-record-scratch&cp=1
Thunderdan goes all historical on my ass:
serf ninjas rip it up on the feudal wave
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/forgotten-classics-early-record-scratch#comments
I had to nom this because;
1. Al wasn’t here for her obligatory Asian driver hate nom.
2. “try to go tubular” threw me back to 1983 and Pheobe Cates’ tits.
Sir Nigel spake;
Surf ninjas only ride white surfboards and cut you off every time you try and go tubular.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/sacha-baron-cohens-next-movi-eurovision&cp=1
I was looking for a joke like this and Vodka delivered:
Eurovision is what you see when you look down your nose at someone.
Solid:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/charlyne-yi-channing-tatums-dance-dirtily
Late80sRapStar
worst google result ever for shaved asian sex scene
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/hugh-jackman-pt-barnum-musical
…and this ain’t no dang reach around.
hodey:/b>
Instead of seeing how many clowns can come out of a car, he’ll show you how many can come in his ass.
ah shit…you get the idea
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/hugh-jackman-pt-barnum-musical#comments;
Jeebus made me miss this thread
ChinoMoreno
How much wood would Hugh Jackman jack if Hugh Jackman could jack wood?
A lot of fucking wood.
Welcome back Stone Soup
According to my bedsheets, I’m a slumber jack.
Also, second Donk’s clown ass.
from the Tucker Max post
Crapbasket says:
A Tucker Max is when you get the dick and both balls crammed into your asshole.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/sandra-bullock-teaches-football-love&cp=1
Pauly Peligroso:
White people teaching a black person how to be athletic?
Yeah, and I learned how to C-walk from Christopher Reeves.\
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/tucker-max-movie-has-a-trailer?cp=2
Burnsy nails the target demographic in the drop downs:
I’d bet my frayed cargo shorts and Cocks hat that this movie has at least two guys getting hit in the nuts.
Same thread, Chino Moreno:
In the end, Oher repays her for her kindness by teaching her how to balance a checkbook and keep a job.
I nominate myself for the ultimate comeback durst.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/sandra-bullock-teaches-football-love?cp=2
Vodka
Crash’s Sandra Bullock really disagrees with The Blind Side’s Sandra Bullock.
I second Vodka.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/sandra-bullock-teaches-football-love?cp=2
SimleJack colors me racist for enjoying this little quip:
If I had a pet black person,, there’s no fucking way i’d let it out of the house dressed like that
simple* i’m on a fuckin roll today
Segundo noMo and vodka. Yay! Racism!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/comments-of-the-week-thirst-park-chan-wook?cp=2#comments
Ho, ho, sweet late tagline from Don Lafontaine’s corpse to Pauly’s fingertips :
She teaches him football, and in return, he teaches her to ease up on the grip she has on her purse.
Godammit, I am retarded, you know where it is.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/lovely-bones-trailer-peter-jackson#comments
ChinoMoreno says:
Every time a pedophile rings, a rape angel gets her wings.
I nom the entire comments section of The Lovely Bones thread. That shit is great.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/lovely-bones-trailer-peter-jackson
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/jeremy-piven-wwe-raw#more-16547
Burnsy says:
I wonder if Piven understands the irony of him plugging something.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/the-cove-has-weird-marketing#comments
Donk
Dolphin skulls make excellent seal clubs.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/ong-bak-2-trailer-tony-jaa#comments
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Tony was a man who’ll knee you in the face and backflip of an elephant tusk.
Tony left his home to live up in a jungle. People said “He’s fucking nuts”.
Ong Bak, Ong Bak, Ong Bak to where you once belonged…
I second Donk.
Thanks for the nom there, Oski.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/gi-joe-no-critics&cp=1
Too good to pass up by Oski:
I’m interested to see if Wayans survives the whole film.
He’ll survive, but the rubber o-ring holding his upper and lower torso together might snap and they’ll need to rig a rubber band to hold him together.
2nd Oski’s “Lt Dan fix”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/lovely-bones-trailer-peter-jackson#comments
[Pulls pearl out of pig trough]
SmokeEm;
Saoirse Ronan? Jeeze kid. Your name sounds like the noises Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio made when Ed Harris brought her back to life in The Abyss.
From the Inglorious Basterds “Movie within a Movie” thread.
RoboPanda:
I can’t wait to nazi this.
2nd boPa
3rding boPa
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/john-c-reilly-is-a-vampire-now-too#respond
People looked at me funny while I tried saying this out loud.
Donkey Hodey says:
So he gets turned into a vampire in the middle of puberty? Holy fuck, would that be shitty or what?
“Ii VaaAAnT tO SuCK your BlOOd!”
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