Two winners this week, folks. They both win this picture, which they have to share with the rest of the class. As always, nominate next week’s COTW in the comments section below.
Michelle07 kicks things off by reminding us that it’s never beating a dead horse to make Sarah Jessica Parker horse jokes. (I mean, she is still alive right?) From HUGH GRANT’S BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE:
Michelle07 says:
As long as he doesn’t have a breaktrough performance he and Sarah can be friends.
From the DISTRICT 9 SEQUEL post:
TengoDooter says:
That flying saucer would look really awesome with a mural of Star Trek II painted all over it.
In the thread where Quentin Tarantino said he made out with Kathy Griffin and had sex with Margaret Cho:
Stone Soup says:
I hear Quentin’s got a sign on his lawn that says “Ugly Comedienne Storage.”
That’s a burn. There were plenty of great comments in NATALIE PORTMAN AND MILA KUNIS, DOIN’ IT, and here’s one:
spazmodic says:
Pffft, I’ve already seen this like a million times . . .
(*continues slamming Amidala and Meg Griffin toys together*)
Oh yeah . . . so hot . . .
Confucius had me cracking up all week. From FIVE MINUTES OF HEAVEN WITH LIAM NEESON:
Confucius say:
Alistair Little sounds like what I do when attractive woman walks past.
The runner-up is a guy who may have been my middle school guidance counselor. I’d never be a guestblogger, huh? I should be selling my plasma and turning tricks, you say. Well who’s laughing now, Clarence? From OH, GREAT, A DESCRIPTION OF A TRAILER:
Hey Blinkin’ says:
Here’s my trailer description; It’s a double wide with shag carpet, tinted windows and a mural of Lion-O fingerblasting Smurfette on the side. Oh, it’s got a few cigarette burns on the furniture and it smells like molestation and sadness.
The first winner this week, ChinoMoreno, has been on a roll. From the post about The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine remake:
ChinoMoreno says:
So, is Mark David Chapman going to shoot this movie?
Wackity schmackity doo. As for the second winner, it stands to reason if you make 100 funny comments in a week, one of them is bound to win COTW. From H.GRANT TO QUIT ACTING, FOCUS ON HARLOTS:
Jacktion! says:
I used to work as a roofer, too. I quit because one of the other guys kept calling me a paranoid little weirdo.
In Morse code.
Goodnight, you princes of appliance rape. You kings of dick jokes. You queens.
~ robopanda



That’s a lovely gag from Jacktion!
That’s a lovely gag from Jacktion!
Isn’t it, though? He must use the finest fabric softener, because the sides of my mouth hardly chafed at all.
And the hint of chloroform was quite subtle, yet still overpowering.
You truly are the Walter Raleigh of BTK’ers, Jacktion!
Is… is that Randy Quaid?
What might be most upsetting about that pic is that he’s not sitting.
And Jack be careful with that joke, it’s an antique.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/galifianakis-will-eat-you-out-for-dinner#comments
Confucius
Mattress salesman dream of nocturnal commission.
AND
ShakeYourTailFeather
Mafia Gary’s bed was made by the mob.
This is just too good not to nom
nom nom nom
Robo:
Excalibur, as most of you probably already know, is the story of King Arthur, who theorized that one could time travel within his own lifetime, and led an elite group of knights around a round table to develop a top-secret project known as Holy Grail. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, King Arthur prematurely pulled the magic sword from the stone, and vanished. He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was maintained through crystal-ball transmissions with Merlin, the project observer, who appears in the form of a hologram, that only King Arthur can see and hear. Trapped in the past, King Arthur finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/woody-harrelson-and-the-teen-prostitute
Vodka says:
When Woody Harrelson picks up stray prostitutes, his motto is “Grass, grass, or grass.”
In honor of my big win this week, I have decided to go on vacation.
Sayonara, suckers!
I’ve apparently been on vacation for three weeks.
Franky tells me to relax with: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/john-landis-and-simon-pegg-to-sell-the-dead
DeFrank says:
I liken this job to a Viagra salesman. Except instead of selling “remaining stiff” you are selling “stiff remains”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/catheters-in-vegas-the-movie
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
I thought, if you’re over 60, you go to Thailand to tie the knot…right David Carradine?
David?
*knudges David Carradine’s body*
OH MY GOD!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/terminators-credit-rating-terminated#comments
Burnsy combines Patton Oswalt and Football and instead of a dramatic character study of sports fanaticism gets gem:
If Derek Anderson keeps this up he’ll be replaced by Brady Quinn!
Whackety schmackety BLUE 32! BLUE 32!
x-files 3
Stone Soup says:
When asked if there would be any changes to her character, Anderson said “I’m skeptical.”
-AND-
Oski says:
“There isn’t any reason not to do it,”
That’s the kind of attitude that has made FOX the the best these last few years . . .
white ribbon
Pauly says:
I tripped that dickhead horse.
NICE SHOES ASSHOLE!
dos Leguizamos
Donkey Hodey says:
An invevitable confrontation with the Twins is only a bad thing if you’re the Royals.
forgotten classics
Oski says:
I clogged Vince’s toilet, if I leave the seat down he’ll never notice, right?
Donkey Hodey says:
Vince doesn’t use a toilet, he bottles all of his fluids for study.
Oski says:
Oh man, I clogged the bottles too.
Donk stimulates my plan with: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/triple-x-3-hires-director
Donkey Hodey says:
I’d like to see him star with Curtis Jackson and Chris Bridges in an action flick. That way they could call it 50 Cent Diesel? Ludacris!
Second Donk’s gangsta trio.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/daniel-craigs-horrible-mustache&cp=1
Oski:
It looks like the glue from a fake mustache is still stuck to his lip.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/alcapone-alpacino-morris-arrested#comments
Confucius -DAMN!!
Hiding from cops under insulation bad choice. If fuzz doesn’t get you, heat will.
Rampage Jackson as B.A. Baracus thread
Shop 101 says:
I love it when a plan comes together… about the last words I want to hear from four dudes cruising around in a van.
Kristen Stewart Kaint Tok Gud thread
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
She’s illiterally retarded.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/goonies-dee-snider#comments
Michelle07:Richard Donner must have gone to the Polanski school of directing getting all of that “kid excitement” on him.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/william-s-burroughs-documentary#comments
Shop101: These people seem to need a book in order to fully enjoy gay sex and heroin. Methinks they’re probably doing it wrong.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/alcapone-alpacino-morris-arrested#comments
Pauly Dangerously: Next, is a rape victim named D’yer Maker.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/soul-train-the-movie#comments
Eibmoz: So, his gift for poppin’ is gonna save them from lockin’ the rec center?
A boosh from our zombie queen
Eibmoz says:
I am fairly sure that those are not the only crossed swords her tits have seen.
Spilbergs pirates thread:
Mark It Zero says:
I think a great joke would be to tell the movie ticket guy I left my doubloons in my other pants when he asks for money. Then flood the ticket booth with gasoline from a hose hidden in my sleeve and light him on fire.
second MIZ’s Jack Handyesque prose.
from http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/madonna-will-take-your-tears-gypsy
Donkey Hodey says:
Go figure, a woman who steals children telling people to lay off the Gypsies…
Burnsy says:
Layla Palatootay is, of course, what George Lucas calls his prostitutes.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/forgotten-classics-baileys-billions#comments
This dirty old man makes me laugh.
Shop 101 says:
I so want to see Jennifer Tilly’s improvisational outtakes with the dog. Call it a hunch…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/forgotten-classics-baileys-billions#comments
Chino Moreno, Drunkette Extraordinaire gives this dawg a bone wiff – CEO dog’s favorite Devo song is Whippet.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/daily-circle-jerk-with-star-trek-dog#comments
ShakeYourTailFeather says:
That’s a lot of work to discourage him from licking the stitches.
~AND~
(because he begged for it like a good boy) Fek’lhr says:
I guess Sulu wanted his dinner to go…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/go-away-rob-zombie#respond
Mark It Zero knows precisely where to nostalgia-touch me:
I heard if you feed it jellybeans, it’ll become an unplayable game that haunts you the rest of your life.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/2012-will-stroke-your-disaster-boner&cp=1
Chodin:
The Mayan calendar is bullshit. There’s not even any fucking chocolate inside of it.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/spielberg-buys-crichtons-pirate-book#comments
Eib’s, Fuck that, I don’t want to watch ugly guys die of scurvy and syphilis. I can just go to a family reunion for that.
And Donk’s, I’ll leave surviving the world-ending cataclysm up to the people who can live without two-ply toilet paper and internet porn on-demand.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/2012-will-stroke-your-disaster-boner#comments
Awful truth is funny.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/fri-free-part-2-tentacularly-sexy
Donk says
I know this game, Calimari Damacy, right?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/08/fri-free-part-2-tentacularly-sexy
ChinoMoreno says:
That octopus eight her out.
I 2nd Chodin & Chino