Good news, fartknockers, I’ve got a sweet prize for the winner this week: a special collector’s-edition movie book from Shane Acker’s 9, opening 9-9-09 (so easy to remember!), courtesy of Focus Features.  It’s a pretty nice prize, something I would definitely keep for myself if I wasn’t worried about getting supermodel pantie drippings all over it.  (dog fur)

As always, nominate for next week’s Comments of the Week in the comments section below.  Anyway, let’s get this thing started with the honorable mentions.  If you’re new to FilmDrunk, one thing you should know is that some of our commenters have “shticks”, which can often be “humorous.”  From Zach Galifianakis plays a Mattress Salesman:

Confucius says: Mattress salesman dream of nocturnal commission.

RoboPanda gets points for literary content in the Excalibur thread.  I think this is a Quantum Leap reference?  God you guys are weird.

Robopanda says: Excalibur, as most of you probably already know, is the story of King Arthur, who theorized that one could time travel within his own lifetime, and led an elite group of knights around a round table to develop a top-secret project known as Holy Grail. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, King Arthur prematurely pulled the magic sword from the stone, and vanished. He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was maintained through crystal-ball transmissions with Merlin, the project observer, who appears in the form of a hologram, that only King Arthur can see and hear. Trapped in the past, King Arthur finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

But some people are still into that whole “brevity” …thing.  Like Vodka in the Woody Harrelson and the teen prostitute thread:

Vodka says: When Woody Harrelson picks up stray prostitutes, his motto is “Grass, grass, or grass.”

How about imagery?  We got imagery.  Pauly in the old-guys-go-to-Vegas movie thread:

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

I thought, if you’re over 60, you go to Thailand to tie the knot…right David Carradine?

David?

*knudges David Carradine’s body*

OH MY GOD!

Lovely.  Here’s another staple of FilmDrunk: funny comments that have nothing to do with the post.

Oski says: I clogged Vince’s [that's me, FilmDrunk-writer guy] toilet, if I leave the seat down he’ll never notice, right?

Donkey Hodey says: Vince doesn’t use a toilet, he bottles all of his fluids for study.

Oski says: Oh man, I clogged the bottles too.

I leave the seat up, for your information.  Sidenote: if you’re a girl who insists on your boyfriend/husband putting the seat down, you’re probably a “B.”  If it’s up and you need it down, put it down.  You want us to wipe for you too?  Oh man, I’m getting all hot all of sudden.  Speaking of girls, Eibmoz (she’s a girl) represents for Drunkettes in Steven Spielberg doing Pirate Latitudes:

Eibmoz says: I am fairly sure that those are not the only crossed swords her tits have seen.

Yep, still turned on.  Same post:

Mark It Zero says: I think a great joke would be to tell the movie ticket guy I left my doubloons in my other pants when he asks for money. Then flood the ticket booth with gasoline from a hose hidden in my sleeve and light him on fire.

From Madonna defends the gypsies by insulting her audience:

Donkey Hodey says: Go figure, a woman who steals children telling people to lay off the Gypsies…

Burnsy says: Layla Palatootay is, of course, what George Lucas calls his prostitutes.

I like how George Lucas talks like Jodie Foster in Nell now.  *Updates the FilmDrunk book of fictionalized versions of celebrities*  These next ones are really just an excuse to link to that picture of Star Trek dog again.  God I love that picture.

ShakeYourTailFeather says: That’s a lot of work to discourage him from licking the stitches.

Fek’lhr says: I guess Sulu wanted his dinner to go…

Hard to beat Fek to the first Star Trek reference, God bless him.  Then there’s chodin in the Disaster Porn posters thread.  Chodin is “special.”

Chodin: The Mayan calendar is bullsh’t. There’s not even any f’cking chocolate inside of it.

Donkey Hodey: I’ll leave surviving the world-ending cataclysm up to the people who can live without two-ply toilet paper and internet porn on-demand.

*sniff* So true.  Oh yeah, puns are also encouraged.  From the Tentacle Porn post:

ChinoMoreno says: That octopus eight her out.

xXx part three with Vin Diesel gets a director:

Donkey Hodey says: I’d like to see him star with Curtis Jackson and Chris Bridges in an action flick. That way they could call it 50 Cent Diesel? Ludacris!

Impressive.  Almost good enough to win this week.  But that honor goes to… Shop 101, for this gem (by the way, is there a less gay word than “gem” I could substitute in this context?  it makes it sound like we’re trading costume jewelry in here) in the A-Team movie thread:

Shop 101 says: I love it when a plan comes together… about the last words I want to hear from four dudes cruising around in a van.

Sorta hits the nail on the head.  With his head.  Basically, he headbutted the sh’t out of that nail.  As my uncle was fond of doing.  Extra credit for van-relatedness.  Anyway, send me your address and collect your book, Mr. Shop 101.  Or Ms. Shop 101 or whatever.