PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KILL YOURSELF.
08.07.09
Collider recently got the chance to talk to Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner, the guy behind the idea to make movies out of boardgames. Put on your helmets, because it’s about to get stupid. (*record scratch*)
“’Candy Land’ is not just about the board game. If you really think about it, it’s an adventure that a kid goes on with his parents when they go across that board.”
F-ck yourself.
“’Monopoly’ has this wonderful history. If you’ll remember, “Monopoly” was literally invented at The [Great] Depression, so that idea, this fiction that’s really there, this non-fiction fiction that’s really there in the game and in the fact that there’s such great roots to this brand and the history of the brand, we bring this to life with a story about families.”
F-ck yourself.
“Well Ridley did have an idea. He grew up on “Monopoly” over in the UK and “Monopoly” is a brand that’s all over the world. But for Ridley, he’s always been a guy that’s created these great big worlds and so for us, “Monopoly” is this great big world that will look like our world but of course there are certain things about it that make it uniquely a “Monopoly” kind-of-world.”
F-ck yourself.
“Oh, I’m not going to tell you quite yet but I will say that it’s everything you could imagine in a “Battleship” movie. It’s really a phenomenal idea.” [via Collider, who also has the video]
The man is a geyser of stupid.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bladerunner_C-Tates-parrot-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Ridley-Scott-cormac-mccarthy-150x150.jpg)
Brian Goldner doesn’t give a shit as long as he gets to be the banker.
My penis is a geyser of love.
Well if they’re gonna do all of this they should make a movie out of “Twister” that I don’t have to pay $14.99 a month for. ($25 for 90 days)
Guess who’s all alone in the office this afternoon . . .
* points to crotch
I bet he still sleeps better at night than I do.
I may have to see Battleship, simply because they HAVE to, at some point in the film, break a “dramatic” moment and have someone say “You sunk my Battleship”. I think I literally have to see that.
Bronson Pinchot is looking for a role as the inkeeper on Baltic Avenue.
This literally BOGGLES my mind.
I’d like to see him star in Operation.
They should make a movie about an unimportant chase.
Trivial Pursuit.
BOOM.
I’m a fucking genius.
I am so SORRY to have heard about any of this. The TROUBLE is that now I can’t figure out how to work PARCHEESI in.
These will be alright. I think Bad Lieutenant was a board game.
I hope to block the Monopoly movie with an anti-trust lawsuit. Education, bitches.
Mel Gibson was mistakenly excited for a second when he heard about the Yahtzee movie.
I think they should do some crossovers, like Saw 7:Mousetrap
“And since I have my head up my ass, I’m working on a script for Poopchutes and Ladders.”
there are certain things about it that make it uniquely a “Monopoly” kind-of-world.”
[int. county jail - a dark, musty place full of the worst low-lifes you can imagine; people who didn't pay their luxury tax, community chest robbers, bankers caught stealing from the till and, those that to which Chance simply wansn't kind. A new prisoner enters his cell, his cell-mate having just gotten back from seeing a friend who was just visiting sizes him up]
Prisoner 1[gruffly]: What’re you in fer?
Prisoner 2: I beat up some gooks on Oriental Avenue. What about you?
Prisoner 1: Rolled a double three times in a row…
In a world where terrorists are trying to hijack planes, these two TSA agents are all that stands between freedom and tyranny.
Checkers
Thanksgiving 2010.
I get the feeling that when this guy played Life he used two pink pegs and giggled the whole time.
And, what genius left Swi alone in the office? It’s probably covered in man juice by now!
Brian Goldner’s porn name is Fletch Arschbung.
Jackie Chan is a crime fighting cab driver in Chinese Checkers.
Am I doing this right?
Eibz, I wouldn’t say covered. I’d say coated
Not with a Stephen King reference your not. Boosh!
I’m already working on a movie version of Pictionary. Early reviews say things like “Is that the main character? He kinda looks like a pickle with hands” or “Tree farm! Tree farm! Tree farm!… is it tree farm? uhhh…ok… let’s see, it looks like a tree farm…”
I’d like to see this guy star in ‘Waterboard Games’.
“Sorry kids, your dad can’t pay the electric bill this month, he rolled two sixes and prices have more than doubled since they bought out the waterworks!”
Are we totally sure this is not a Christopher Guest movie about idiot filmmakers? This has to be a joke, right?
Every square on the UK version of Monopoly should be a trip to the denstist.
The denstist? To measure their density?
[a scuffling is heard in the ceiling, suddenly Crappy falls through ceiling panel with a poodle under one arm and a six foot salami under the other]
Jack! I swear in your 2:42 comment I thought you said “two TSA agents are all that stands between freedom and tranny.” You guys have fucked up my head.
Also;
Is the page completely fucked up for anybody else or is it just me?
“things about it that make it uniquely a “Monopoly” kind-of-world.”
Oh right. You mean like the fictitious world ran by Gill Bates and Eichael Meisner.
Barrel of Monkeys will be about three black dudes going over Niagra Falls.
Pick up Sticks, the county roadside community service crew
I’d like to see a Domino Rally movie that’s a bunch of guys running train on Keira Knightley.
I’d like to see a movie about building Hotel and Motel empires while trying to destroy and usurp your competitors holdings and liquidating their assets.
Hey! Fuck you man! ACQUIRE was a good fucking game when I was 19 and stoned offa my ass!
No, really guys, is the page totally fucked for anybody else?
and hungry hungry hippos is an allegory for the rise of otto von bismarck and the founding of the second reich
They should make a movie where a bunch of 80′s douchebags cant seem solve a puzzle so they get some asian guy to do it for them and call it Rubic’s Cube
No, really guys, is the page totally fucked for anybody else?
It gets that way for me sometimes, but refreshing usually fixes that. That, and a nice firm backhand. You gotta let the site know who’s boss.
I don’t want to heap flaming piles of retarded internet commenter shit all over myself, but I did love the movie Clue as a kid.
risk 2: in space
The only thing fun about Monopoly i can remember was the Monopoly money. The game itself was an hours worth of meh, until it stopped raining or it was teatime. The Monopoly money though; a lively childhood imagination could find much amusement with that. “You better not be holdin’ out on me you bitch or i’ll cut yo’ jiveass face off.”
I don’t want to heap flaming piles of retarded internet commenter shit all over myself, but I did love the movie Clue as a kid.
I did too, but if Ridley Scott manages to make a quirky, tongue-in-cheek film about Monopoly or there’s a single joke in the Battleship movie that doesn’t make me want to stab myself then I, sir, will eat my hat.
It wouldn’t hurt the maniacs involved in conjuring a Monopoly movie to borrow from Clue and throw in a saucy French maid. She could use the iron or polish the boot or something.
The only Trivial Pursuit I see here is arguing against a “SORRY” Movie!
Here’s my attempt:
Win, Lose, or Draw – a young family finds themselves caught inside the canvas as two families try to draw pictures and craziness ensues. Its Never Ending Story goes Jumanji. Derp Deee Derp.