REALITY PLAGIARIZES TROPIC THUNDER
08.26.09
(“Alpa Chino”, from Tropic Thunder)
Move over, Chad Farthouse, I think I have a new favorite name, and this one’s not even fake. (I think. I keep rubbing my eyes and pinching my nipples and I haven’t woken up so far.) Check it:
(from the DaytonDailyNews) The U.S. Marshal’s Service has arrested D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris or Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, 20, who is wanted in the June 2 slaying of Richard A. Pogue.
The wanted man, whose given name combines that of an historic crime figure [Ed. Note: Dammit, people, the phrase is "a historic"] and a film star who has played crime figures, was found about 5:10 p.m. Tuesday, Aug. 25, hiding under housing insulation in an attic at a home in the 3000 block of Nicholas Street.
Dayton police say Pogue, of Clayton, was shot to death during a drug-related robbery.
“Danger is my middle name.” “Oh yeah? Well mine’s ALPACINO.” Yeah… so, uh, I’m not sure which direction I can take this story that won’t get me beaten up, but I can tell you that my first born will be named Sh’Tony Montana D’Brickashaw Rockafeller IX. Followed by D’kidfromRobocop2 Lebron Corleone. (thanks, Bdarbs)
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![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/09/Son-2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/Al-Pacino-Phil-Spector-150x150.jpg)
I bet he’s itchy.
Hey, where’s Chino? She needs to comment directly beneath me.
… or maybe we need Pauly between us.
^^ that might have come out wrong.
My firstborn is due at the end of March, that gives me seven months to convince my wife to let me name him FuckStrong McArmorBalls.
The most disturbing portion of this story? The thought of hiding under fiberglass insulation in an attic. I’d rather endure prison rape.
Due to his clever hiding spot, his new name is D’Itchyskin McSweatsalot.
Police are currently investigating a possible accomplice in the case, Morris’ friend, D’Blackguy DeNiro Slater.
You gotta admit, looking for the guy in some random attic under the insulation is some pretty impressive detective work. I would have just looked under the bed and left.
Agreed. I’d poke my head in the attic hatch, and quietly say “D’Murderer LeBirdrapist – you up here? No? OK.”
He should have gone to college like his brother D’AlmaMater.
Seiously – this guy’s my hero. I need a spacesuit to go up into my attic.
Hiding under insulation in a Dayton attic in August, huh.
D’AlCapone AlPacino Morris stars in Heat.
I guess the Pink Panther found him.
I heard Jo’Dillinger Ja’Caan Powers was involved as well.
Before he hid under the house, D’AlCapone told police that he tried to escape in his D’rango, but couldn’t get the shit out of D’rive.
Are you sure he didn’t just really like syphilis and Righteous Kill?
NM, no one could possibly enjoy Righteous Kill.
The D’AlGore in me is impressed . R value has never once come up in conversation at my crack house.
Hiding from cops under insulation bad choice. If fuzz doesn’t get you, heat will.
I’m looking for a D’ick Hans Longstroke.
“…was shot to death during a drug-related robbery.”
Sometimes a motherfucker needs his Mucinex, mang.
Next, is a rape victim named D’yer Maker.
D’Alswearengen does not approve of these name combinations.
John D’Bonham approves of D’Pauly’s joke.
I hear Monty Hall once approached his mother with the pickup line “Let’s make a De’al.”
*chodin stands up in jury and prepares to read verdict*
“We D’Jury, find D’fendant D’guilty of having D’craziest name ever.”
Ironically, his brother is named Ildo Emonstrator.