07.02.09 THE GUIDO BEACH OF YESTERYEAR
One of my favorite YouTube videos of all time has to be Guido Beach, the landmark anthropological study of the douchebag and douchette in their natural habitwat. Recently, Flubby over on KSK dug up this classic video (watch it below), a compilation of clips from the 1994 documentary Wildwood, NJ, which is basically like Guido Beach but with worse hair and stupider clothes. Some of my favorite moments:
- :30 mark. Big-haired brunette says, “You ask me? Women always got a strike up on men. We got our bodies. If we keep in shape. And (pointing at vagina) we always got. that. check. to. cash.” I imagine a guy coming up to her and being like, “Eh, oh, I’d like ta cash dat check. …WIT MY CAACK!” *grabs crotch*
- 2:00. “I haven’t been in a fight for a while.” (long wistful pause) “‘Cause my boyfriend won’t let me fight.”
- 2:32. “I put some girl in da hospital. She’s still there actually. She tried to mace me inna face.”
- 3:40. (same girl) “I put some girl in da hospital and she ended up dyin. …Because she had a gun to my back, and I beat her up really bad.”
Ahh, Jersey, don’t ever change. This should be the new New Jersey tourism video. “New Jersey: Everyone has white trash, but ours is the greasiest.”
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/rain-shirtless-ninjaassassi-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/alpaca-lips-now-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/tonyjaa-romanpolanski-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/ratnerpolanski-auschwitz-150x150.jpg)
There are 36 comments about:
THE GUIDO BEACH OF YESTERYEAR
Guido Screech was sent to Mr. Belding’s office because he refused to wear a shirt.
Guess I’ll be pro-choice now…
In Hawai’i it’s called Mee Ho Iaha Beach.
Take it easy there, Crappy! These aren’t regular Jersey kids, these are the Shore Whores. They’re an entirely different breed.
What is that thing she’s leaning on? WHAT IS SHE LEANING OOOONNNN?!?!?!?!
Ok, not even joking here, but the 3 girls with those 2 guys at the 3 minute mark totally got raped. With the “They won’t leave us alone..uh hah…hah” and the “Look at these faces! Look at all these faces”. I know damn well when a girl is trying to send secret messages, all thanks to the decoder ring I got from a box of Froot Loops.
The water is especially salty at Frito
LayBeachIf you combine the last post with this one, every beach will be Meato Beach.
Jack!, could you please provide me with a geographical genomic/socialogical break down on the variations in the indiginous New Jersey guido populations? I would hate to offend with my ignorance.
If all the FilmDrunkards took a trip to there, would it be called Pedo Beach?
Wow. I was going to move there before I fled New York.
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