07.03.09 WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
Opening this weekend:
Public Enemies
Johnny Depp reportedly stopped talking to Michael Mann on the set because of his “chaotic” directing style, and chaotic was more or less what I said of the finished product. I didn’t think it was very good, but I don’t want to bash it too hard, because say what you will, at least it’s a movie aimed at adults and not a toy commercial. So see it, so they keep making these “types” of movies, just don’t expect to know who’s shooting at whom or why.
Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Oh yeah, this movie. Forgot about this one. I’m sure it’ll be a great movie to take the kids to, because in the trailer, a squirrel gets his chest waxed and tries to masturbate a buffalo, and it features dinosaurs during the ice age, which I’m sure won’t totally screw up their knowledge of history. It’s so hard to convince kids that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and dinosaurs were pets kept by Jesus these days.
I Hate Valentine’s Day
Yahoo says this movie is opening this weekend but I’m not sure in which cities, because on the distributor’s website, the links for release date are broken. Which I assume is because someone at IFC Films hates Nia Vardalos as much as I do. What is she even doing? Her idea of acting seems to be trying to look bitchy and surprised in every scene. And I will never, ever forgive the girl who made me sit through My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
NIA: “Then we eat lamb!”
JOHN CORBETT: “Mmm, with mint jelly?”
NIA: “Um… no.”
Get it???? He’s a wasp and she’s hilariously ethnic! Their cultural differences are a never-ending geyser of comedy!!
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/lost-chick-lipbite-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/bitchslap-3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/wolfman-international-poste-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/jeffbridges-crazyheart-blak-150x150.jpg)
There are 166 comments about:
WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
I think it’s vicariously ethnic when I pretend to be Scottish.
I think it’s precariously ethnic when I announce that I do not enjoy the company of negroes.
My siblings and I were all adopted, and we’re variously ethnic.
I think Mr Bird, the former Celtics player, is hiLarryously unethnic.
I think it is nefariously ethnic when I steal your wallet.
When my Georgian ex-girlfriend’s father held that shotgun to my back, I thought it was marry-us-ly ethnic.
I think it’s gregariously ethnic when I yell “G’day, mate!” at every single person I see on the street.
I think Captain Kirk’s middle name is Tiberiusly ethnic.
I think it’s underweariously ethnic when I wear my thongs on my feet.
I think the fact that all mermaids are born in late January and early February is Aquariusly ethnic.
I think the fact that Italians make the best violins is Stradivariusly ethnic.
I think the fact that Steve McNair got shot for fuckin around on his wife b the woman that he ws fuckin around on his wife with is embarrassingly ethnic. For Negroes.
I think it’s Koko B. Ware-iously ethnic when I take a macaw everywhere I go.
I think the song Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves is Cher-iously ethnic.
Jack Handey thinks the fact that his Uncle Caveman was an ursine beast to be bear-iously ethnic.
I think the fact that my family prefers meat to be undercooked is rare-iously ethnic.
Is Emo an ethnicity? Because those kids are despair-iously ethnic!
I think snooty Frenchmen are Mon Frere-iously ethnic.
I think it’s Chicago World’s Fair-iously ethnic to hire Nikola Tesla instead of Thomas Edison.
I think it’s carry-ously ethnic that black football players get to run with the ball the most.
The kids in the “Last Train to Awesometown” video are Parry-ously ethnic.
I think it’s swear-iously ethnic to fuck cunt shit.
He was born black and looked white but it turned out Michael Jackson was anesthetically ethnic.
I think it’s Harry-ously ethnic that a Greek guy played Sasquatch in that John Lithgow movie.
I think thin black women with big asses are pear-iously ethnic.
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