07.03.09 WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
Opening this weekend:
Public Enemies
Johnny Depp reportedly stopped talking to Michael Mann on the set because of his “chaotic” directing style, and chaotic was more or less what I said of the finished product. I didn’t think it was very good, but I don’t want to bash it too hard, because say what you will, at least it’s a movie aimed at adults and not a toy commercial. So see it, so they keep making these “types” of movies, just don’t expect to know who’s shooting at whom or why.
Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Oh yeah, this movie. Forgot about this one. I’m sure it’ll be a great movie to take the kids to, because in the trailer, a squirrel gets his chest waxed and tries to masturbate a buffalo, and it features dinosaurs during the ice age, which I’m sure won’t totally screw up their knowledge of history. It’s so hard to convince kids that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and dinosaurs were pets kept by Jesus these days.
I Hate Valentine’s Day
Yahoo says this movie is opening this weekend but I’m not sure in which cities, because on the distributor’s website, the links for release date are broken. Which I assume is because someone at IFC Films hates Nia Vardalos as much as I do. What is she even doing? Her idea of acting seems to be trying to look bitchy and surprised in every scene. And I will never, ever forgive the girl who made me sit through My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
NIA: “Then we eat lamb!”
JOHN CORBETT: “Mmm, with mint jelly?”
NIA: “Um… no.”
Get it???? He’s a wasp and she’s hilariously ethnic! Their cultural differences are a never-ending geyser of comedy!!
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/lost-chick-lipbite-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/bitchslap-3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/wolfman-international-poste-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/jeffbridges-crazyheart-blak-150x150.jpg)
There are 166 comments about:
WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
Lingerie or no lingerie, I would fuck that eagle.
BIRD RAPIST!!!
As an amateur ornithologist I can assure you that “eagle” is actually a Brown Breasted Bed Thrasher. They are supposedly quite common but unfortunately I haven’t seen one in the wild in years.
Chino, it’s only rape if you don’t buy dinner first. Or in this case, regurgitate dinner first.
Plus, look at what she’s wearing. She was asking for it.
That’s what happens when you leave your eggs exposed. Your nest is open for the plucking.
Eagle-Women spread their wings once a month.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when black guys faceplant on curbs.
I think it is hilariously ethnic that my back is wet.
I think it is hilariously ethnic that I jizz salsa.
I think it is hilariously ethnic that I tell white people that I got my tattoo teardrop from cutting onions.
I think it is hilarously ethnic when I end every sentence in “well”. Cause I’m Mexican, well.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that in reality, I can’t even stand the smell of maple syrup.
Good work, Al.
http://armchairtalkinghead.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/gemma-atkinson.jpg
and BiggieLaing
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I smoke pot on camping trips, get lost on the way back to my tent, and then claim I was really on a spirit walk.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that every sentence ends with “eh”. Even if it’s only implied.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I use a game of lacrosse as a distraction so that I may break in to your house and kill your family.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I ride a kangaroo to work, where I feed babies to dingoes all day.
Then I cook some prawns (NOT ’shrimp’, no matter what Mick fucken Dundee says) on the barbie, all while fighting off giant snakes & spiders with a cricket bat in one hand and a can of Foster’s in the other.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I am portrayed by a Mexican in an old western.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m forced to walk to Texas.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m not allowed to apply for jobs in the 1920’s.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that I fight with my fists pointing towards me.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that my midget cousin has people chasing after his pot o’ gold.
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