07.03.09 WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
Opening this weekend:
Public Enemies
Johnny Depp reportedly stopped talking to Michael Mann on the set because of his “chaotic” directing style, and chaotic was more or less what I said of the finished product. I didn’t think it was very good, but I don’t want to bash it too hard, because say what you will, at least it’s a movie aimed at adults and not a toy commercial. So see it, so they keep making these “types” of movies, just don’t expect to know who’s shooting at whom or why.
Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Oh yeah, this movie. Forgot about this one. I’m sure it’ll be a great movie to take the kids to, because in the trailer, a squirrel gets his chest waxed and tries to masturbate a buffalo, and it features dinosaurs during the ice age, which I’m sure won’t totally screw up their knowledge of history. It’s so hard to convince kids that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and dinosaurs were pets kept by Jesus these days.
I Hate Valentine’s Day
Yahoo says this movie is opening this weekend but I’m not sure in which cities, because on the distributor’s website, the links for release date are broken. Which I assume is because someone at IFC Films hates Nia Vardalos as much as I do. What is she even doing? Her idea of acting seems to be trying to look bitchy and surprised in every scene. And I will never, ever forgive the girl who made me sit through My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
NIA: “Then we eat lamb!”
JOHN CORBETT: “Mmm, with mint jelly?”
NIA: “Um… no.”
Get it???? He’s a wasp and she’s hilariously ethnic! Their cultural differences are a never-ending geyser of comedy!!
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/lost-chick-lipbite-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/bitchslap-3-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/wolfman-international-poste-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/jeffbridges-crazyheart-blak-150x150.jpg)
There are 166 comments about:
WEEKEND PREVIEW: EXPLOSIONS & BOOZE
If Nia Vardalos and Yanni fucked, she’d give birth to a werewolf.
Why, is Yanni a Native American?
No, Nia Vardalos has a cock.
Nia Vardalos looks like Alec Baldwin when she misses a waxing appointment.
Seriously, try to watch Prelude to a Kiss without being mesmerized by Alec Baldwin’s chest hair.
I think it is hilariously ethnic when I put on my pancho and sombrero and take a siesta against a cactus.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when Pauly goes to Taco Bell to pay his phone bill.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I don’t get a speeding ticket.
Michael Bay is on his way to a tattoo shop to get the banner pic done on his back.
I think it is hilariously ethnic when I fuck someone else’s girlfriend or wife.
I think it is hilariously ethnic when under-qualified white men get the job I applied for.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when airport security leaves me alone.
I think it’s hilarously ethnic when I lock my car doors driving through low-income neighborhoods.
I think it’s hilarously ethnic when I miss the basketball hoop by a mile.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I order a cheeseburger at a Chinese restaurant.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I bring up Rocky Marciano in boxing conversations.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I get jiggy with it.
I find it hilariously ethnic when a black man dumps his black girlfriend for me as soon as he achieves success.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic every time I look at my crotch.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m singing a rap song loudly, but lower my voice to a whisper whenever they say “nigga”.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m able to catch a cab at any time of the day or night and in any neighborhood.
I thought those two illiterate Transformers were
hilariouslyethnic.I think it’s hilariously ethnic that I dont feel as if Michael Jackson passing is the loss of a national treasure.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I wring olive oil from my pillow cases.
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that the only rap concerts I’d feel comfortable attending are the Beastie Boys or Eminem.
Comment on this post:
You must be logged in to post a comment. Not yet a member, register for free.