*THAT’S* SCARLETT JOHANSSON?
07.16.09
Entertainment Weekly has an Iron Man 2 cover story this month, and features the first pictures of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow. It barely looks like her. Which is probably a good thing, since normally she looks less “action hero” than “girl who smokes a lot.” You’ll also notice she has red hair, because all chicks in superhero movies have to have red hair for some reason. That’s why when I have sex with redheads I like to shout “I’m a superhero!” at the point of orgasm*. Also, instead of fully undressing, I like to put my penis through the hole in the front of my Spider-Man underpants. Chicks love it. Ask around.
[via Cinematical]
*I meant my orgasms, of course. Everyone knows women don’t have orgasms.
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It’s when you put your penis through the hole in the front of someone else’s Spider-Man underpants that you get in trouble.
Robert Downey Jr. Looks like he’s taking an Iron Crap in that picture.
The Black Widow is supposed to be a bad ass spy/assassin, yet she’s crouching and trying to hide in a white room that is brightly lit while wearing black.
Nah, ontrem, you just gotta tell the judge it’s cool because it’s through the hole in the sheet.
At least the curtains match the period blood.
Off topic-Am I the only one that thinks that first picture of Batista over there looks like the Krakken from “Clash of the Titans”?
Yeah, but how does she look in a Princess Leia slave bikini?
With Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man, I’m surprised we never saw some other dude put their penis through a hole in Spidey’s mask.
I don’t know who’s hair is the best, Scarlett’s or Mickey’s.
I’m gonna settle with the safe bet and go with RDJ’s pubes.
Are those bullet bracelets she’s wearing? WELL…they’re just to die for!
Red hair, blonde hair, brown hair, it’s all the same through a glory hole.
It’s the facial hair you have to watch out for.
Redheads are fiery and bold, blondes are sexy and ditzy and brunettes are the intelligent ones. That’s it. Fact.
@First Class Male
You probably need lots of bullets when you are about to take doggy style from a guy in an armored suit.
1 fist, 2 fist, RedJo, BloJo…and Nap.
The safe word is when I shoot you with a machine pistol.
The name matches the mane!
You should see the bitchin’ hourglass tramp-stamp she’s got.
Black Widow needs to be updated. Shouldn’t it be Black Baby Mama? No, it shouldn’t, but it is.
Damn, Nom, you cold!
What they hell, is she going to entangle villains in her nasty hair? Lay off the product, Scar.
(right banner pic)
ScarJo: Well here’s your problem…you’ve got a overrated skank on your floor.
The best thing about Scarlett is her husband.
I like to shout “I’m a superhero!” at the point of orgasm.
I like to shout “you can let go of the fucking ropes now, bitch” Of course it doesn’t sound anything like that since my windpipe is being crushed.
Now there will be conflict in the household since she’s got her Marvel series and he’s got his DC movie. They have to hate one another now, its in the rules.
[crappy comes back from a duece at top secret military industrial research lab]
Crappy: o/’…that’s why I am, that’s whyyyy…o/’[flips on light, sees right banner pic] AHHHH!! SHITOUTTACUNT who the fuck?!
Black Widow: I’m here to steal the plans for the Ball Spark. You gonna stop me?
C:[looks her up and down] Naw, we’re cool.
BW: [takes Ball Spark plans, jumps into ventilation duct. Inside she collides with Jack Bauer] AHHH!! GRUDGEFUCKAPUCK!! Who the hell…?
JB: [yelling/growling] I’m Jack Bauer and I’m here to recover…[looks at right banner pic but in duct]… naw, carry on.
@oski
Don’t I know it. WAIT!
This has been bad casting from the start. Black Widow is very sultry and exotic; Scarlett, bless her heart, is a well-proportioned bland cow.
BTW, that’s got to be by far the worst head job Downey has gotten since prison.
And by head job I mean the photoshop that EW did there (what did you think I meant? Perverts.)
When I look at that right banner and think, On your Mark, I fap.
I got the Mick ups!
She can duck all she wants, I can still shoot her with my crossbow.
I love that Rourke is basically doing the same pose as her on the cover. And he’s actually more attractive whilst doing it.
Redheads are fiery and bold, blondes are sexy and ditzy and brunettes are the intelligent ones. That’s it. Fact.
You forgot the gray ones, in my experience they’re usually grateful.