07.16.09 ROBERT DOWNEY AS SHERLOCK, HOLMES

Could Jude Law look any gayer?

No, he could not.

Hammer fighting is tough. You can’t touch him.

Could RDJ look any more like a limp-wristed dandy?

Needs more Mickey Rourke and parrot.

The basic tenet of bartitsu is punching the other guy in the neck while he tries to figure out what exactly you just threatened him with.

This is ain’t your grand daddys Sherlock Holmes

Damn, where is everyone today?

I’m still here, El Guapo.

Isn’t bartitsu the dude who makes my lattes?

Haha, I love you Donkey.

I practice ‘Titty-bar-jitsu’ it basically envolves fighting with skanks when you run out of money and try and grab ass for free.

If Holmes was handcuffed naked to a bed, Jude Law wouldn’t be punching him in the face. He’d be banging his nanny.

So…uhh…anybody want to hear about my newest fighting style? I put on a bunch of oversized foam rubber spiked gear and rock people’s fucking faces right off. I call it Gwartitsu.

I’m so glad Burma changed its name. Myanmartitsu just sounds better.

If your bartitsu wounds don’t heal properly after fighting, you will have a lot of scartitsu.

On a completly unrelated note I changed channel and The Lost Boys is on and I am laughing like a mong because Sweaty Sax guy is on.

Little sister – Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother – Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister – Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother – Thou shall not kill

So RDJ is playing a debonair but eccentric rich guy who fights crime? Alternate Title: Bronze Man.

RDJ must have been delighted to read a script that called for him to inject heroin while bored and screw whores…

After Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes and Kenneth Branagh’s Thor come out, I’d like the two of them to switch projects and re-make each other’s movies.

@ Bryce Tatou did a mivie called chocolat a few years back but it was about some bi-curious socialite going to Cameroon to get AIDS or something.

OK, what’s this post about?

Is “Jude Law punching him in the face” a euphemism? If so I’m leaving work early so I can watch that shit.

Ahhh, too many Chocolat movies… thought I was having a stroke or something there :-P

I’d like to R & D a J.
Well sirs; you’re sposed to cut up the product much finer than the Blow Fly sized chunks you have in here. This thing is running like John Wayne Gacy to a ‘free boy pussy fire sale. Did the paper get torn by a stem or did your rook ass try for a carb or some horse shit.
In short, Fail. [tokes]

Wait, as previously established a stroke smiley would be :-p.

So, yeah I was thinking…a hobo sex party would probably involve a lot of in-tents fucking.

At a hobo sex party, dipping your balls into somebody’s mouth is called bindle-bagging.

People that attend hobo sex parties are tramps.

It’s polite to ask the female hobo “Boxcar or caboose?” before initiating anything at a hobo sex party.

At hobo sex parties, someone is always trying to jump in your caboose.

At a hobo sex party, “Vagabond” is what they call a two-headed dildo.

Rape is not accepted at hobo sex parties. Nomad means nomad!

Oops! Stepped on your caboose, Donk!

It’s ok, Chino. You can still ride my rails.

Running a Train has two meanings at a hobo sex party.

Just be careful you don’t fall in love at a hobo sex party. Remember, you can’t turn a hobo into a housewifebo.

You gotta grease my tracks first.

There’s no need for washing sheets after a hobo sex party. You just throw the newspapers away!

There’s a lot of bum fucking at a hobo sex party.

Well don’t stop, I was enjoying that.

A drawing of two trains running headlong into one another is a warning to straight males that it’s the wrong kind of hobo sex party for them.

[runs up panting]
At a hobo sex party, a limp biscuit is called dousing the campfire.

With all the sex in the air at a hobo sex party, it can get really vagrant.

At a hobo sex party, jumping on a new partner is called ’switching tracts.’

If you tell everybody what you’re up for at a hobo sex party, they say you’re on the Union Specific Railroad.

At hobo sex parties blowjobs are refered to as smoke stacks.

Fellatio at a hobo sex party is known as “visiting the hooverville”

[looks around, sees everyone has left. Bends over, picks up ball, and goes home]

Hobo Sex Party: If this cardboard is a-rocking, don’t come a-cockblocking

In Canada, they’re called heauxbeaux sex parties.

People who partake in hobo sex parties are called “transientsexuals”.

Oh sure. You wait for me to leave and then you continue the sex party. Just like my real life!