I normally like to make Comments of the Week prizes a surprise to reward the diehards, but since Thirst is opening in select theaters tomorrow, you get a little advance notice.

Acclaimed director Park Chan-wook (Oldboy; I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK) returns with his highly anticipated vampire film Thirst, an official selection at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival. Everyone’s favorite actor Song Kang Ho plays a respected priest who turns into a vampire after a medical experiment gone wrong. His newfound thirst for blood and deadly attraction for his best friend’s wife, played by Kim Ok-bin (Dasepo Naughty Girls), drives him down a road of lust and depravity.

You can watch the red-band trailer for Thirst here or here.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard good things and I’m a big fan of Old Boy.  Plus, Korean vampire movies are way better, because instead of abstinence lessons they have a priest who bangs Asian chicks.  Anyway, this week’s Comments of the Week winner will receive a poster autographed by the director (which lends instant class to your mobile home and/or rape trailer) as well as the official movie soundtrack.  Three additional runners up will receive the soundtrack, on state-of-the-art compact disc!

So there you have it, trolls and n00bs.  Hope you’ve been bringing your A-game.

Not too many directors could get away with making a movie in which the most famous actor is Richard Kind.  But when you’ve made No Country for Old Men and Burn After Reading in back to back years, you earn yourself a little leeway.  Anyway, this one’s called A Serious Man, the Coen Brothers’ latest.

Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), a physics professor at a quiet Midwestern university, has just been informed by his wife Judith (Sari Lennick) that she is leaving him. She has fallen in love with one of his more pompous colleagues, Sy Ableman (Fred Melamed). Larry’s unemployable brother Arthur (Richard Kind) is sleeping on the couch, his son Danny (Aaron Wolf) is a discipline problem and a shirker at Hebrew school, and his daughter Sarah (Jessica McManus) is filching money from his wallet to save up for a nose job. An anonymous hostile letter-writer is trying to sabotage Larry’s chances for tenure at the university. Also, a graduate student seems to be trying to bribe him for a passing grade while at the same time threatening to sue him for defamation. Plus, the beautiful woman next door torments him by sunbathing nude. Struggling for equilibrium, Larry seeks advice from three different rabbis. [Apple]

It opens in limited release October 2nd, which I don’t understand at all.  How is it the guys with the loyal fanbase who made a best picture two years ago get a limited release, when a smelly hobo tampon like I Love You Beth Cooper gets a wide one?  Is it really that hard to sell a movie from the guys who did No Country for Old Men? I know there’s this assumption that there’s no audience for real movies in the center of the country, but if you never give people a choice between steak and easy cheez, eventually they’re just going to get used to the easy cheez.  At which point you better enjoy making eazy cheez.  Dang, all this Coen Brothers talk has got me craving a steak covered in eazy cheez.

Yep, it’s a sex doll for dogs.  Or people who like to F dogs (no fur? wtf!).  And sadly, there’s competition in this sector of the economy.  I can’t wait till someone gets drunk enough to chug what’s inside. (Hint: it’s dog jizz)

Daily Circle Jerk Links:

• A gallery dedicated to pictures of girls with, uh… stuff, on their, uh… things (example at right). |HolyTaco|
• Pitch a Star Wars fan film for Olivia Munn to star in.  My idea involves a sex doll for dogs. |Atom|
• Asylum is making August 4th “A Day Without Megan Fox.” |Asylum|
• Hollywood loves dark, origin stories, which is why G4 made Inspector Gadget: Book of Shadows. |G4|
• 10 Tasteless Reality Shows.  Dude, how do you forget Man vs. Beast? |ScreenJunkies|
• Allen Weisbecker’s got some footage from his new documentary.  Little slow at first, but some cool surf footage. |BanditoBooks|
• Kim Kardashian wears fat lady pants. |DailyFill|
• Shaq makes fun of Stephon Marbury. Because Shaq is a party animal. |HoopDoctors|
• Bryce Howard and Terrell Owens: Franchise killers. |Fansided|
• Celebrity faces on wild animals, one of my favorite things. |UnrealityMag|
• Some chick wants to marry a roller coaster.  Seriously.  Gee, I wonder what song they’d play at the wedding. |BlogofHilarity|

I was struggling for some semi-interesting movie news to close out the day and was getting nothing, but luckily FilmDrunkard Michelle directed my attention to this 1986 music video for Luis Cardenas’ cover of “Runaway”.  It was nominated for a Grammy in best music video, and you’ll see why when the claymation dinosaurs start sprouting mohawks and rockin out on guitar.  Luis Cardenas had a very important message to bring the world, and that message was MY DRUM SET IS A TIGER.  Man, this rocks so hard.  I guarantee this is Fei Fei the Sunglass Dog‘s favorite song.

Read the rest of this entry »

(C’mon, if you had to hang out with these dudes, you’d be wasted too)

Apparently the New York Times is getting lazy and has started hiring over caffeinated soccer moms to write editorials in which they argue with themselves over whether something is worrisome.  Today’s issue?  Does Harry Potter promote teen drinking?  The annoyingly named Tara Parker-Pope writes…

Does Hogwarts have a drinking problem?
In scene after scene, the young wizards and their adult professors are seen sipping, gulping and pouring various forms of alcohol to calm their nerves, fortify their courage or comfort their sorrows.
Previous Harry Potter movies have shown drinking, but this one takes it to a new level.
In one scene, Harry, Ron and Hermione order butterbeers at the pub, and Hermione ends up with a frothy mustache. While it’s never been entirely clear whether butterbeer is alcoholic, it seems to have an effect on the normally uptight Hermione, who acts tipsy walking home as she throws her arms around the boys.
As the mother of a 10-year-old Harry Potter fan, I was taken aback by the reaction of the young people in the theater. They snickered at Hermione’s goofy grin and, later, guffawed when an inebriated Hagrid passed out.
“Hermione is such a tightly wound young lady, but she’s liberated by some butterbeer,” [Liz Perle, editor in chief of Common Sense Media] said. “The message is that it gives you liquid courage to put your arms around the guy you really like but are afraid to.” [NYTimes]

(*gasp*) Oh my, not the truth!  How vulgar!  Where’s the sparkling white vampire to save them from temptation?  Meanwhile, the other day, I saw hobo using the New York Times as a diaper.  Now, I realize I may be playing devil’s advocate here, but I think whether the New York Times promotes hobo diapers is a discussion we as a society need to have.