This is the trailer for Ninja Assassin, from V for Vendetta director and protege of the Wachowski… uh, siblings… James McTeigue. And for extra credit, it stars a Korean pop star known simply as “Rain.” Well, looks like now’s good a time as any to break out the played-out crappy action movie checklist. Shall we?
- Ninjas? Assassins? Check and check, obvi.
- Origin story? Check.
- Underexposed for dramatic effect? Check.
- Gruff Asian mentor with thick accent? Check.
- Pop musician attempting to act? Check.
- Homoerotic shirtless training montage? Check.
- Protagonist raised by fraternity of assassins? Check.
- With whom he later has a falling out? Check.
- Slow-motion CGI weaponry? Check.
- Car driving through explosion? Check.
- Cheesy butt rock soundtrack courtesy of Linkin Park or Papa Roach or God forbid… Hoobastank? Check. (*shudder*)
- Epic choir gasps??? Check and mate, motherf*cker! TICK TICK TICK… SPLOOGE!
Well that clinches it, this looks familiar enough for me to go see (I spaz out like an autistic kid when movies get too unpredictable). Man, one job that must be recession proof is the people in that epic opera gasp choir. Between UFC events and movies based on graphic novels, they must work 18 hours a day. You can just see them practicing. Instead of a baton, the conductor just stands at the podium karate chopping boards. Ahh ahh ah-ah! Ahh ah ah ahhh-ahh AH AH….