This is the trailer for Ninja Assassin, from V for Vendetta director and protege of the Wachowski… uh, siblings… James McTeigue. And for extra credit, it stars a Korean pop star known simply as “Rain.” Well, looks like now’s good a time as any to break out the played-out crappy action movie checklist. Shall we?
- Ninjas? Assassins? Check and check, obvi.
- Origin story? Check.
- Underexposed for dramatic effect? Check.
- Gruff Asian mentor with thick accent? Check.
- Pop musician attempting to act? Check.
- Homoerotic shirtless training montage? Check.
- Protagonist raised by fraternity of assassins? Check.
- With whom he later has a falling out? Check.
- Slow-motion CGI weaponry? Check.
- Car driving through explosion? Check.
- Cheesy butt rock soundtrack courtesy of Linkin Park or Papa Roach or God forbid… Hoobastank? Check. (*shudder*)
- Epic choir gasps??? Check and mate, motherf*cker! TICK TICK TICK… SPLOOGE!
Well that clinches it, this looks familiar enough for me to go see (I spaz out like an autistic kid when movies get too unpredictable). Man, one job that must be recession proof is the people in that epic opera gasp choir. Between UFC events and movies based on graphic novels, they must work 18 hours a day. You can just see them practicing. Instead of a baton, the conductor just stands at the podium karate chopping boards. Ahh ahh ah-ah! Ahh ah ah ahhh-ahh AH AH….
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Yeah, but does he have a bomb-dropping bird army?
Is there a love interrest that gets killed and sends the hero on a killing rampage before he comes to his senses and ‘does the right thing’?
This looks assassinine.
Isn’t Ninja Assassins redundant? Like Soldier Army Man, or Barefoot Pregnant Making Dinner Good Woman?
bitter much? it’s true to it’s genre.
The sequel will be called Ninja A2M
Bitter much?
Not really; but the times I did, it left some pretty good teeth marks.
Yep, true to its shitty, derivative genre. Btw, “true to its genre” is just another way of saying “lame and formulaic.” Once you’ve isolated the tenets of a genre, now you’re free to defy them, or flip them, or do something the least bit surprising.
Donk, I still crack a smile every.fucking.time I look at your avi. Instead of a portrait, I want that displayed at my wake.
And for what it’s worth, I would expect better than “true to it’s genre” from the Wakofski bros(?)… things.
I was trying to type in “Classy and elegant” in Google image search but my fingers slipped and I spelled out “splooge” instead. Good thing I had safesearch turned on…
*adds “Random douchebag commenter defending film’s place in unspecified genre” to Lince’s list*
wishi was raised by a fraternity of assasins instead of a fraternity of janitors, mechanics and bus boys
It’s dead silent at the dinner table when you’re raised by assassins.
“As long as you’re under my roof, you will kill who I say, when I say it. Do you understand?”
When you’re raised by assassins, the list of chores are:
1) Make bed
2) Take out trash
3) Kill dude
4) Feed the dog
5) Homework
I had the misfortune of being raised by a sorority of assassins. I have some… issues.
My fraternity of assassins took over the greek council by garotting the Tri-Lambdas and stabbing all the Alpha Betas.
Oh, we also drowned all the Rho Rho Rhos. Goddamnit those fuckers were annoying.
Well, V for Vendetta was godawful, so I don’t have much faith in this one.
tick tick tick…splooge is my most successful pickup line
Wachowski, that ninjas got a knife!
They dont practice the gasps, they just hire a regular choir and without warning I hit ‘em with the goat. I gives a more organic feel to the gasps.
and by organic I mean orgasmic.
i’m incredibly disappointed in this site.
the movie is called ninja assassin, and not one asian joke as been made?*
*shakes head, orders chinese food
Oh goody it looks like it may be in 3D as well. I would rather it be in 4D with everyone in the audience being beaten with Kendo Sticks while they watch the movie.