07.01.09 MXP: MOST XTREME PRIMATE
I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking covering news about all the big boring Hollywood blockbusters when there’s so much goodness to be found in Disney’s direct-to-DVD* catalogue. In my travels across the internet, I recently came across a title called MXP: Most Xtreme Primate, from 2003. Anticipation boner in hand, I went looking for the trailer and found it, and it’s pretty much everything I had hoped for. A chimp, riding a snowboard, doing tricks and generally throwing a MONKEY wrench into everyone’s plans. Ha, take that, squares! I needed to know more about this amazing film, so I dug up this review on IMDB:
It’s no wonder they added the “X” in the title of this sequel to MVP and MVP 2. It has the best monkey shower scene I’ve ever seen. This monkey nudity only served to make the primate more “human” so I can understand it’s inclusion in the film. With out it, it would have been merely a typical animal sports movie in the tradition of Air Bud.
I haven’t seen monkeys and humans bond this well, since “Gorillas in the Mist”. Not only does the monkey take a shower, but he also brushes his teeth, shave with a razor, plays the drums, plays video games, drinks a frozen drink and gets brain freeze, and oh yeah he snowboards too. What will Jack do next? I for one can’t wait. Opposable thumbs way up!!!
Oh man, I think I just peed a little. This is so Xtreme. If they made an MXP body spray I would spray it on my shit and throw it at people. MXP makes the Cool Mule look like the king of all dorks.
*Make that VHS
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There are 27 comments about:
MXP: MOST XTREME PRIMATE
That chimp sure can ride a Segway.
When Jack does a backside fakie all you see is a streak of gigantic red ass.
And to whomever was rushing to point out that baboons have the gigantic red asses, not chimps, I hope you die in the shitter.
This Christmas, watch out for the brown snow!
Looks like Liam Neeson married the wrong person.
This looks bananas!
Bananas is good.
*makes mental note to stop watching food network so fucking much*
it came down to a monkey or Pauly Shore. Looks like they made the right choice.
This script took a million monkeys typing on a million typewriters exactly four days to write.
Only thing that would’ve made this better? If the chimp had been named Jacktion! instead.
Jack took up extreme sports because his cross over is shit and he can’t hit a j for fuck.
His rival is a capuchin with a dirt bike.
This is on my bookshelf right between “Ape’s a Poppin” and “Hail to the Chimp”
The outtakes are of Jack jerking off and throwing his turds at the sound guy.
This is actually a result of de-evolution. Jack started out as an attendee at SXSW.
vhs is the new disney movie with cheech marin´s voice Very High Simian.
You put Jack here in a buddy cop movie with Whiplash the Taco John’s monkey, and you’d give
Another48 HRS a run for it’s money.Oh man. I’m getting one of these as a pet. They look so tame and docile. What could go wrong?
Channel 39 is celebrating Canada Day with a 12-hour Trailer Park Boy marathon. I’ll be smoking up on the couch if anyone needs me.
And just like a typical board rider, Jack sits on his ass and the bottom of the lift ramp to strap in and fucks up the whole process at the top of the hill.
Puro Parallel!!
Pretty convenient that they celebrate Canada Day on the first day of free-agency, huh Al?
<—— In honour of Canadia Day
You should watch a 70s chimpsploitation film like Chimp That Pimp or Orang Yo Tang.
They show this on TV sometimes, but I live in Kansas, so they make them edit out all the parts where chimpanzees are made to resemble humans. The film is twelve minutes long in my viewing area.
Ironic that the extreme athlete with the shortest hair is literally covered in it. Fucking kids. GET OFF MY LAWN YOU HIPPIE DIRTBAGS!!!
My refinance company, Chuck’s Sick Ass Refi Brah! has the Most Extreme Prime Rate guarantee. I’m jumping on that shit.
What could go wrong?
Shawn Hill is known lovingly as the Flying Tomato. Now Jack is known lovingly as the Flying Pile of Shit.
Quent up!
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