MMM, ANGELA LANSBURY CAMEL TOE
07.08.09I was just about to break for lunch when FilmDrunkard Jessica sent me the above clip, which prominently features Angela Lansbury’s camel toe, as if I needed help building up an appetite. It’s not really film-related per se, but it’s a pretty well-crafted mashup of Lansbury talking sex and doing yoga, Zsa Zsa Gabor (with Titan from American Gladiators), and the Dancin’ Grannies. Be sure to watch until the 2:07 mark when one mature sex feline tells us what she might do “if Burt Lancaster ever came a-courtin.” It’s pretty funny if you imagine him riding a rascal scooter with a carnation in his lapel. (And not so much if you picture her huge, grey muff. But then funny again if you picture her huge, grey muff with a carnation in it).
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Who the fuck gave you a lunch break?
When Vince “breaks for lunch” it means he goes outside and dances for money.
That may be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m petrified cause they’re petrified.
“murder she wrote??” more like “boner deep throat” heyoooo
She’s a little sexpot, short and stout.
Dancing Grannies, ha ha, good one Jay.
I don’t know about the Carnation, but I hear she has plenty of experience with bedknobs and broomsticks.
a Kat Shuchter is a guy who eats out any chic older than 65
When you get that old, you’re no longer a cougar. The correct term is sabretooth tiger.
The funny thing about fucking an 88 year old Chinese woman is 30 minutes later you want to kill yourself.
her body suit is the color of metamucil for a reason
…of course, when I get older, I hope to be down as a mastabatadon.
The only way to court them is Ensure Russians.
I’ve fallen…and he can’t get it up!
FurrBurger she wrote….
I hate it when old women use their teeth when giving me a blowjob, it hurts my nipples.
I’d fuck her hips into a fine dust.
I hate you so fucking much, Vince.
I was in a “mature porn” kinda mood today, too.
Arthritic jazz hands
Looks like orthopedic camel toe.
Fucking old women is different than their younger counterparts. I’ve found it’s best to switch to Werther’s Orignals to get them in the van.
You know how you get laid by some old chic. When she’s not looking, drop some Plavix in her drink.
Does Gold Bond make a lube?
That thing’ll Murder Your Scrote!
Old women make me feel secure about my lovemaking skills. They’re the only ones who appreciate the earlybird special.
Is it weird that it turns me on when older women tell me “Be sure to eat all your vegetables” during sex?
Matlock just popped a Viagra.
Oooh Man! There is nothing hotter than an older lady that sounds like the “Carol Anne” midget from Poltergeist and looks like Mickey Rooney.
Where are my comments going?
Matlock just popped a Cialis!
Lunch break huh? Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?
Matlock just popped a boner!
(Now Vince is going to go shoot Seltzer and Friedberg.)
(Easiest brainwashing ever.)
What kind of protection do I use if she has cataracts?
I’ve solved this murder! She died from a hatchet wound.
I apologize to all of you for this. But seriously, if I suffered it you all have to.
I just keep thinking that somewhere out there, there’s a Diagnosis Murder She Wrote porno crossover with Dick Van Sucker and Angela Glandsbury starring in it along side Scott Baio…cause really, what else is he doing?
I like boning old ladies cause even though their tits drag, their teeth don’t.
Ironically, I became a little aroused when Don Ameche got to bang Jessica Tandy in Cocoon.
Jess, it’s called Walker? Let Us Bang Her!.
The only balls that should be anywhere near her cooch are mothballs!
She’s fallen, and I am hard up.
Meanwhile, after posting this clip over on the Japanese Filmdrunk, Varance was bombarded with comments generally decrying the sick and twisted nature of American culture. Old people are not for fucking, USA. They are for neglecting.
Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Pauly: Uuuhhh, this old bitch died on me during sex.
Operator: Sir, how do you know shes’s dead?
Pauly: Well, I put a mirror under her nose, ya know THAT ol’ trick, and she isn’t breathing on it.
Operator: Did you try CPR?
Pauly: No, but I fucked her pretty good….
Operator: [pause] Sir, have you tried to resuscitate her?
Pauly: Look I finished, did the mirror trick and she isn’t breathing. I don’t even no if she was alive when I started!
I don’t know where I was going with that…..
@Pauly
Pretty sure you were going to jail for manslaughter with that
Old chicks don’t mind when you stick it in their ass. That’s primarily because they can’t tell the difference.
If you try to last longer while you’re having sex, just keep thinking “Angela Lansbury naked on a cold day. Angela Lansbury naked on a cold day. Angela Lansbury…”
Unless you’re having sex with Angela Lansbury. Then, simply make sure the brakes are locked on her wheelchair and you’ve convinced her hospice nurse that her headlights are on.
Alot of people ask themselves if they’ve lived a good life and if there was a heaven or hell would they make it to heaven. Vince you’re f@cked.