07.09.09 MALIN AKERMAN HAS COME A LONG WAY
Most of today’s movie news is about which directors may or may not be doing which sequels to movies that aren’t even out yet and boring crap like that. Luckily FilmDrunkard Randy was kind enough to send me the movie poster you see on the left. On the right, Malin Akerman in Couples Retreat, in which she stars opposite a slew of A-listers. It’ll be her third movie this year after Watchmen and The Proposal, both of which earned or will earn $100 million dollars plus. And on the left… Heavy Petting. From 2007. I can’t believe that’s a real movie poster. And just to reiterate, that is actually the real movie poster. The tagline ends “and the dog that stands between them.” Yet the dog isn’t even between them. And it’s just a disembodied dog, it’s not like they would’ve had to make it sit still.
Naturally I also had to find the trailer. I started watching it, and at first I was all, “I can’t believe this doesn’t have a record scratch,” and then at 2:10, BOOM, there’s the f-ckin record scratch. Plus it has two whip cracks and a dog covering its eyes with its paws. Looks like I know what I’m doing tonight.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/karatedog8-whitebitches-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/skunk-dyke-rotor-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/steeldawn-hairguy-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/09/chickenmadness-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/08/kung-fu-gorilla-150x150.jpg)
There are 56 comments about:
MALIN AKERMAN HAS COME A LONG WAY
Donk, I call that the “Volcano Burrito”.
I’ve had my dick pepper-sprayed before. But she only did it to compliment having her tongue salt sprayed. I got mad because I already told her- I don’t wear condoments.
So is that how you make a volcano taco, Pauly?
No. Sounds kinky. Call me.
Indubitably, Donk. Indubitably.
Dog-er E-bark gave this movie two bones up!
I stink …
*puts corncob pipe in mouth, blows bubbles*
Indeed
*adjusts monocle, removes penis from mayonnaise jar*
*whispers* penis.
*enters room looking confused*
Are you guys talking about me?
I hope that the scene where he finds out he likes the dog plays out like “Lady and the Tramp”, with them licking Malin Akerman and going lower and lower till they meet at her crotch.
I think there is a pic missing in the banner pic. First she’s smiling as the dog and the guy lick her (or the air in front of her). Then she’s half naked and looking ashamed. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE!!!
Why is it that whenever someone is smiling on these Movie Posters they always look retarded (and also, can someone let me have some candy?).
Wait, so Kevin Sussman is the dog’s name?
Heavy Petting? Is that when you finger a chick during her period?
No, that’s called heavy letting.
Heavy Petting is when I rub on fat chicks.
heavy lifting is when you finger a fat chick during her period. She doesn’t have to be on her period, it’s just grosser that way.
I’d like to see Gary Oldman fight that dog for her affection. Then maybe he could get some peanut but
Peanut Butt is when you buttfuck a chick when she’s constipated.
Never come between a woman and her dog. They always fight about who gets to lick it up.
That movie gave me a new leash on life. A life I now plan on ending.
That bitch ruins everything.
Wait a minute… I got mixed up. “Breaking the Dam” is the constipation thing. “Peanut Butt” is when you go anal with Peanut Butter as the lube (Chunky style).
Sounds like your chasing a lot of tail.
You don’t love me, you just love how my dick is painted red when we fuck doggystyle.
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